The two extremes are the people in the relationship.
One extreme — all to see secret signs of mutual interest and to feed demyanovo soup.
The other extreme — in any steps forward to see politeness and frost. Or pliers to pull.
Examples of the first extreme I love the letters to lead. Very much a Comedy from the looks, though the laughter through tears.
And the other extreme I often see in the friends list on, but the letters are also missing. Dialogues there look like:
— I'm interested in?
— I just feel like no...
But I came to you. (Or — "But I live with you")
— What if you just for the sake of friendship? It seems to me, you look cold... And you just feel sorry for me. ("I made you")
It is clear that the person is not burning so much that the woman was obviously 100% sure that he is madly in love. But he is making some small steps. And his hit on the head with a rolling pin, devaluing each step and asking for more ("something give a little, I wonder how you feel about, I suffer, you see"). The prospect that he will start to frostbite is very high.
In this dialogue a few people myself now know. No, you're not the only one. I have these two every week in the tape, when that tape I have is very decent.
And bug Stenasa ("wants, but is too shy") and bug Bednash ("I pity") are one reason. Despite the fact that they look so different.
This is the reason — a bad feeling other people's boundaries. Instead look at the actions and words of a man, to him trying to get in the head.
Respect for boundaries = zero. Therefore, empathy is not a hint, solid projection and illusion. Or the illusion of the crown, or the illusion of rags.
Sometimes in turn. And sometimes even together! This also happens. Stenasa -
"I know that his silence is desire." Bednash —
"I know that his actions is the reluctance to do it." Desire-nehelenia belong to another, but the man thinks he knows better, and deems him a liar. Noticed the disrespect?
Ignorant people like this person can feel the border is much better. And then setting fly, because sympathy. Sympathy is thrust, thrust is causing the assignment.
And respect disappears, and with it empathy. Here are a few rules that you can follow in such situations.
They are equally effective in the case of both bugs, and Stesney, and Benachi. (Have you noticed that the essence of both names bugs — lenient devaluation of the person, depriving him of his status of an adult who knows what to do?)With constant use (even just when attempting to use) the rules help to significantly improve the sense of boundaries.
1. Not to look the other in the head
Don't make assumptions about what is not directly said. Neither good nor bad.
Shouldn't imagine an astute Sherlock Holmes. Even if a person is lying, it's his party, he wants to inform you of this. His right.
For example, you might think he loves you, but pretends to be cold. Well, even so, believe him. Let's pretend, until you get tired, you profitable to behave as if you believe he is cold.
That is, even if it is suddenly a lie, do not be fooled by the manipulation. But most likely you just think. Finding such a bug (when silent and you imagining the unspoken love), look at the crown.
The same is true of distrust. Says he loves, and you see the hypocrisy? Even hypocrisy, but it is his responsibility. You must respect the rights and boundaries make this globe requiring quality assurance. If you don't like his actions, is another matter, you may have different ideas about the desired relations. Discuss it in the correct form, but do not force. Decide how you to be.
And don't get your nasty nippers "I'm not veeeery". This is your problem, believe it or not. Do not insult the man by accusations of lying. 2. Throw tongs
Almost all doubts in the actions and words of people — a consequence resorts to forceps.
You are so long and shrilly whined, what are you distrustful fearful and quivering DOE, and now he brought flowers, and you think it's not flowers, but a pathetic SOP. It tells you about love and you think that this excuse. You first begged that's all, and then devalued miserable. Double blow to the human desire to make you happy. If the tongs were still used (whining, complaints, tears running spring Creek at silent mournful face) to compensate for the expression of delight, if people do what you from it pulled.
Even if partially do compensate, backed.
But it is better not to use forceps at all. Just tell me: "I Want to see more of you, I like you." Or "I Want to marry you, love". One time tell me he's not deaf, but frankly, he doesn't have puzzles to solve, why do you become sad, when by passed a wedding car decorated with ribbons.
And... You want to see more and marry only if it is more than you want, right? Then calm down. He does not want, otherwise it would be. Tell me about your desire, perhaps in the future it will help him also to want. If you don't pull with tongs and throw rotten eggs. 3. Not to throw rotten eggs
The stickiness turns even an ordinary ball, if there was no previous response. And not just in tack. Rotten eggs in your balls become, if you give a person to skip moves.
The expression "distribute balls" for a short period of time. In one dialogue, you can throw a few balls, but after that you have to keep up, not to go to the man, yet he will not answer balls or steps (not ping!) according to his will. If you go and "throw the balls" again and again, if he is silent, not responding, and you throw again, it's not balls, it's rotten eggs. You were following a human. It is not surprising that you then went the roof and you lose touch with reality. Your mind is saved from shame for your behavior.
No need to wrestle with how much time it is possible not to climb. Never have to climb. To go bad. To climb is to communicate without reciprocity.
But to communicate, if the person will answer your balloons. If you just whistle, no need to rush. Especially to throw new balls.
4. Believe my eyes
Most of the distortions, illusions and perceptions of the bugs come from the fact that the person is not willing to accept the modest reality. He wants more and right now.
Even bug Bednash where people like to devalue the feelings of another, arises from the fact, that man not only is there in reality. He accuses another that he regrets, weary, when another tells him that he loves. But the fact that he wants more love. A lot more. Just liking it is not satisfied, he wants the kind of love that he was shaking. And this is not close.
If you remember all Rapunzel secondary freeze it, the sausage just from the fact that in their illusions they passionately loved. Insanely loved! And when reality says lovestruck pasta, do not forget to close, knowing that deity would be screaming like a Banshee, and the flowers have forgotten to bring, they're pissed and hate pour on the head of death thunder and lightning for the deception.
But they have deceived themselves. They invented that love them to cod temporal bone. But no, they like a lot less. And in response to thunder and lightning quite stop loving.
Not only Stenasa bug, but bug Bednash always associated with the hope that the other likes very much but cannot deliver. So the Princess and cry the Blues too, he hopes: he will rush to reassure, seeing how she humiliated. Rush to return her to the throne. She sees that he is good, but she wants a lot more love, and she hopes that if you shake properly, somewhere this love lying around.
When he sees that baby, rages from disappointments. Accept the reality. Don't love you as much as you want. You see it with your own eyes. Yes?
Also interesting: what is the SECRET of women who love sad and hard! To fall in love with
Once you accept this reality and get used to it, you can think about how to improve it. Not before. While in your eyes — blinders of illusion, you can't do anything.
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©