Do not make children the meaning of all your life

Do not make children the meaning of your life. Then to make it easier for you to let him go, and it was easier for him to leave.

All the best to the children. Children – flowers of life, the meaning of life, the main thing in life. They deserve and require without the rest of our energy, time and attention.

This post is not the place to figure out how many new mothers does the feeling that with the advent of the baby, their life ends. But whichever is correct, great and worthy of respect nor was the phrase "children are the meaning of life", in fact, very often it turns out some nonsense.

And before you throw me indignant comments, I suggest to read the post until the end.


In the second trimester of pregnancy I have stopped doing all that before was my fascinating life. Almost all my friends have gone missing (and actually lost myself), I missed the opening of the exhibitions ceased to plan trips and even want to go. Well, in General, would put an end to all that relates to my personal plans. Why? My life was anyway over.

And will start another, with our shared child's life. The meaning of which – it, new man.

This life began, you have no idea how all parents – with the wildest of cries of the baby from colic, lack of sleep, the struggle for breastfeeding, walks in any weather with the stroller in front of or with a sling at the ready, postpartum depression, conflicts with grandparents. It started with the adorable baby, the existence of which I fully complied.

And, in my opinion, that's okay, right? To merge with the baby when he 2 weeks, 4 months, a year and a half. Take care of it, leaving aside all their interests.


To give him all the free time. To mess with him until at last some life is happening something very interesting and not about you. To follow the mode and to abandon the guests travel, which would be too tired baby. Not to spend money, putting on educational classes, school, Institute, apartment – to him. It's all right.

But to what extent?

It is good to feel guilty for any desire not directly related to the child?

Is it normal to forbid myself to see my friends, draw, read, watch movies or drink a glass of white semi-dry, because it does not bring the child any good? Instead of a favorite painting, or another movie, I could read a cool article on parenting. Or fry cheese cakes instead of unhealthy pasta. Or to find in the Internet the list of educational games to occupy it with something needed. Or to get out, because he crawls on the dirt floor for the third day. And I, you know, draw and watch movies (in that single hour, which is free in the evening).

Do I need to feel guilty because you want to not only be a mom?

My son is now three and a ponytail, but I keep feeling guilty whenever you do something for yourself. I feel guilty when I'm driving it on I interesting the exhibition is Park with fresh air. When you put it video about animals to write my article. When not too detailed answer to his twentieth "why?". When you think "wish I was out with a friend in a café to sit for the concert to go, dress yourself, choose to stay in silence, to draw the long-planned".

In short, almost every day, I feel guilty son for what you want to live your life. It is clear as day – I have to live his life.


The time will come, and the son will say to me, "Mom, I went. Now I do it myself, I'm not need your concern, your time and attention. I'll make a decision, you may not follow your advice. Free time, I'll focus your interests, your friends and family. We'll call each other a couple times a week, maybe less. I'll have my own meaning of life, mommy. And my meaning of life is not going to be you. I will always love you, but I want to live my life, not yours." Then I start to cry. Because it's true.

I can't answer: "Son, but I gave up everything when you were born. I forgot about the desires that do not concern you. I decided that I will do everything for you cause you're the meaning of my life." The wisdom of nature is that we as parents all the time give and let it go. And don't have anything in return to pray and wait.

No, the child is not the meaning of my life. He is my life. But this life is mine. But his life – his.

I want to make my boy happy, not only now but in the future, when we become adults. So I'm trying my best not to burden him with a responsibility that I do not see any meaning in life except him. And for his sake I will this point to look for.

Instead of yearning tired to walk another walk in the Park, unable to support any of his game, I'll leave on the day the child with the grandmother, and take their "optional" personal Affairs. You know what? To my son with a light heart and without any feeling of guilt in front of me was able to do my own. To make it easier for me to let him go, and it was easier for him to leave.


Also interesting: Children as the illusion of meaning of life

Pink and black glasses: whether it is Necessary to protect children from the truth of life


Your child does not have meaning throughout his life and to the meaning of life not to lose. He will still grow and leave, and you have something must remain. Something other than love for him that never goes away. Something different, not to blame the child for what he grew and could not be near you.

"Please mommy, you can live your life. And I'm going to live.

Well, son, I'll try. published


Author: Maria Rozhkova


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



See also

New and interesting