The art of separation: the ability to give thanks and let go
Man seeks to keep pace with the times. We regularly update the equipment, follow the fashion, make repairs, etc. And still buying new, do not hurry to part with the old. And when it all becomes too much, feel tired, weights, lose motivation to move on. And then intuitively feel the need to reset old.
The entire living world is the world of homeostasis and transists. Homeostasis is the desire of the internal environment to the permanence, stability and continuity. Transits opposite quality, the tendency of the system to develop, extend and divide. So, in a constant confrontation, functioning in all living things. But in any system there are basic knowledge about balance.
Our ancestors knew how to start and end the day, regularly cleaned not only the house but also get rid of the stagnant energy. The ceremonies, held on the eve of New year and Easter, harvest, farewell to the army, hen parties before the wedding, the days for the remembrance of the dead and the days of forgiveness – all these traditions included the same steps: thanksgiving old, parting with him, finding a resource for further path and request the blessing of the new.
Thirty four million five hundred thirty five thousand one hundred twenty four
Munch. Parting. One thousand eight hundred ninety six
In my opinion, this is a basic, fundamental knowledge of universal laws that operate regardless of, we know them, whether honor, respect.
My experience is the system of a psychologist-psychotherapist shows that, as before, we need this knowledge. I often witness how man is stuck in place because of the inability to let go of the old. This can be the separation with a loved person, old apartment, old job, habits, beliefs, grievances, claims... And in fact one of the fundamental laws of systems is as follows: a new link cannot be established until the old was not completed. And this law is fair to all spheres of human life.
Here are a few examples from practice. I was approached by a woman who, in her words, could not be realized professionally, her career was slow and crowded with all sorts of obstacles. It turned out that in her youth, she was admitted to medical school, but, after a year, realized that it is not her way. However, on the first line when the newcomers lined up for the ceremonial Hippocratic oath, she was very sincere and believed that he would dedicate his life to helping people. And now it's the unfulfilled promise of inhibits of human life.
However, the leader of the old neocumingii relations, of course, are the human relationships. Each of us was the separation from the parental family. The process is very subtle and profound, in fact, it seems to be a part of something whole that is causing pain and one and another. It is the fear of your own pain or the pain of those we love, causes us to remain in this regard.
So the son whose mother raised one may say in his heart, "My dear mother, I will never leave you and you will never be alone!". And then he goes through life, getting married, raising a child, but his fiancée will always have to share the heart of his beloved with his mother, the one who is always visibly or invisibly present next. So do parents who do not want to let go of their children. Their Hyper often turns into the shackles of love for the beloved child.
Sometimes the same person, still reeling from the injury losses goes as quickly as possible to enter into new relationships, naively hoping to calm down and forget in the arms of others. But what happens on the thin plan in the following respects? They are already at least three. A person continues to feel previous partner, compare it with the present, to remember what he experienced around him.
Sometimes the other, remains part of our soul, we yearn for it, for the life and the future we never got. All this has not disappeared, it continues to be present in this life.
It so happens that a woman, many years ago after separating from her husband, remains in his name, for the space and system of laws she's still married, as the name gives identity. Intuitive other men perceive her married and not approach, and those who come close, can't take its place because it is proprietary. And they go away or take the place of friend, father, brother…
People tend to become attached to what surrounds it, so it feels comfortable, stable and protected. To describe this relationship, wanting to emphasize this as clearly as possible, we use phrases such as "I have dedicated to this work"; "I truly believed in it"; "I couldn't imagine myself without it"; "I felt that if it would be out of my life, I will simply cease to exist"; "I stick with him"; "We felt each other as a single whole"; "we had one heart for two"; "This bond will remain forever!»…
Eighty two million two hundred eighty one thousand five hundred seven
Serov. Odysseus and Nausicaa, 1910.
Surely once in your life you had to relocate. And then you began to feel a nostalgia for the former place. Suddenly it begins to seem that the neighbors were not that bad, and the noise of the tram brought some charm into the life.
The first time automatically expect old usual bus at the usual time, and a friend to the tea's name is in that district and in that cafe, which now seems especially cozy and family.
Many times had to see how people are experiencing the grief of losing their four-legged friends, who are so fond of. And how difficult it is to adapt to a new team at my new job, new demands and expectations of the new leadership.
What do we mean by communication? In some cases it remains?
The claim, offense, rebuke, hope, anticipation, and regret very much – everything that makes us stay close and not allow the past stay in the past. And yet it's unfulfilled promises, unpaid debts and everything that we selected, acquired in a dishonest or illegal way. All whom we have harmed, and those who crucial impact on our lives, associated with us, this bond may not cancel neither the distance nor the time, nor even death itself.
So what to do if we feel connected with something or someone and the circumstances suggest that it is time to move on, need to make room for the new.
Here it is time to remember the Covenant of their ancestors, who revered the ability to thank and to let go, had the courage to open prepared for the unknown.
Modern psychology, the method of system constellations is actively using this knowledge in the work with the completion of old relationships, building new and maintaining the person during the period of adaptation. It can be a ritual of parting that you will spend in the visualization. You can write a farewell letter, or use the Deputy to say unsaid, to ask forgiveness, to admit guilt, and, perhaps, do you have a need to forgive someone, to Express something and finally agree with everything as it is.
At the time of separation the person is very vulnerable. But only so he gets the opportunity for their growth.published