With the advent of social networks, unlimited Internet and cheap phone calls, a number of questions and answers, which over time acquired the status of a template. The most striking examples being the question-pattern: "How are you?", answer template:. Some time all of us hated it, now we got used to it and stopped paying attention. "How are you?" and "Good" become, so to speak, welcome.
But few people noticed that it happened with other questions and answers. Neperedavaemye stream of the same questions, though from different people, developed in the us on autopilot to give the same answer to all without exception. Thus, communication has become just a set of information transmitted to each other. Often exchanging such questions, patterns and answers-patterns, we have taught ourselves to ignore the meaning to the spoken words. And now, when for us it has become the norm, increasingly, to notice how often we come back to the same conversations where the questions and answers templates-templates are the cause of misunderstandings, the consequences of which we can only speculate. People who do not understand this, as if shouting to each other, but each hears nothing.
What it is about, why it happens and what the consequences can be discuss in order.
As if people weren't close, time passes and the world changes. And with it, changes everything else. Everyone forms their own opinion on what is happening around. But the view of the person is still built on the basis of:
1. Made actions;
2. The words.
With wildly popular in the network walks the call — less to believe the words and trust only actions. Don't know where it went, but I don't agree with it.
Here is an example: You walk down the street and see a well dressed man walking on the opposite side of the street. Suddenly runs up to another nice view and inflicting a few blows to the face, runs away.
I am sure that the first thing you will see look forward condemning. Then, say, you come to the first one and offer your support. That never stops bleeding from the nose, sparing him you give him your dear handkerchief. "Here to catch that bastard!" Herself is likely to think you.
Then add: "As such the earth holds?". After ten minutes, it lead the police. You are rejoicing. As a witness you are asked to get to the office and to testify. You in detail tell all and hope that you will get what you deserve. But, unexpectedly for you, let him go. You, perplexed, I ask the policeman why. And he answers that the first was not to write a statement. And indeed it turns out that he was justly punished because the second asserts that one yesterday in the Elevator boldly molested his wife. Now what is your opinion?
That's why I believe actions and words are interdependent and inseparable. Then and only then you can make a portrait of a person when there are two unknown values. One cannot solve the equation. That is why we are so often wrong conclusions. So begins and grows a misunderstanding. One condemns, the other feels it and begins to shut down. Attempts to explain, but either you do not understand or do not believe the words. Back in time for him.
There is one wise saying: "If you want to get the answers you need, ask the right questions."
Ask yourself: "do I know someone close to me?". After thinking a bit, you confidently answer "Yes". The answer is quite ochividen, because knowing the bad man, will not call his family. Most likely you thought about someone specific, but in the head immediately appeared a big list of facts that support your answer.
Now ask another question: "do you have someone close to me keeping secrets from me?". To this question with the same answer you can't. In a head can appear only guesses. It is important to understand, opened only one secret of a close person can make you think of how much you doesn't know.
Feel the difference? Each of the questions contributes to a particular way of thinking. In this case, the same essence of the question you are looked at from different ends.
We live in a constant bustle. Load are so strong that there is not enough time for yourself, not to mention others. In SOC. networks not all talk. Talking on the phone and Skype do not tolerate silence. The weeks, or even months before you meet. And the meetings last a couple of hours, try to catch everything to ask and tell. One is imposed on another, topic to topic and fails to ask the right questions and answer as well. Because of this, and appear templates. Instead of a few precise questions sounds one common, which should be the appropriate response. And at the end of the meeting there is innuendo and neponjatosti. In the next meeting too. And then again. Then there is the habit of formulaic questions and answers. Misunderstanding increases and people grow apart.
In the end neither actions nor words are not justified. The truth is buried somewhere in the depths, so the insights are empty and incorrect. And people in the end, the only link between the past and the relationship (if any).
In order to maintain a long and understanding relationship is advised to talk less and listen more. I personally adhere to the having to first learn how to ask questions, but then we try to hear. Because the communication in the first place — the dialogue. Very rare for us to turn to blatant request like, "I think stopped to think, I swim at the bottom, and now I want someone to talk to. Will you do me a favor?". Yes, there are those who at a meeting with no end of talking only about himself, not allowed to say otherwise. But so useful to ask the question that leads them from continuously working distiller chatter. One such question as a footboard for running. Often we forget that people are still different. But it is we ourselves chose them and let. So please zabotitsa as follows and look for to each his approach — questions.
Below I will give an example of one question template and allowed him the answers templates. Question template:
1. Why are you alone?
a) Because it did not meet that (Togo), the only (the only love;
b) I Have no time now;
C) I want to first earn and then...;
d) I now Have other goals (concerns);
d) Because I want to be alone (one).
This is a stupid question. And the answers listed above is correct from that point of view, that a person does not know and is confused, but he can stop the conversation — as the quickest way out of this maze. Try asking the question another way. For example: "What is more important to you than to start a family?".
If you will hear the answer — nothing, the answer-patterns in g, d is already gone. Then the person can ask about time. Thus, it may be only the first option. Because of this you yourself will know the truth, but the source might help to understand yourself.
To learn practice, try to start themselves start asking different questions. Will definitely open up many new. published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©