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To name a betrayal - it is too flat
No news is for you, there is nothing in the other, which would not be us. Most often what we annoys or disturbs, it is our unconscious feelings. For example, if a woman is afraid to grow old, it will notice and talk about how bad her friends look or how people can so not care for themselves, or how ugly old age.
It is a well-known psychological defense mechanism called projection. Privacy and protection so that a person closes. From what? From the inner pain. From collisions that cause fear of meeting with him, with his injuries.
In fact, this unconscious transference of the other person's own experiences. The key word here - the unconscious, that is, people are not aware of why it is that something touches or touches another, why of all possible evaluations and determinations, he chooses something specific. It is necessary to dig deep.
When meeting with clients, I have often heard them referred to as the spouse care, termination of relationships, infidelity (also define) the word "treason". In this word a lot of strength and energy. It's very emotionally charged. And, most importantly, it allows you to divert the attention from himself to another. This same protection, see? "It's not my fault, it's the other betrayed me".
You can be indignant: "Well, of course, is always to blame for infidelity partner!". Not always. Is not the question, the question is why a sexual relationship on the side of the partner you call betrayal. The same applies to other events - could be called jealousy, weakness, emotional instability, but it was called a betrayal
. Spinning ball of unconscious motives, you can reach interesting conclusions.
Firstly, it can be assumed that each of us is able to act, that the other person can be regarded as a betrayal. I, for example, has suspended relations with a friend, when tired of listening to many, many hours on the outpouring of sick and perverted relations. I had an emotional overload, my advice is not carried out, and hear a man revels in his misfortune, I did not have the patience. It really ate my life and took away force. I understand that it looked to her as "left in a difficult moment." So the coin always has two sides.
The theme of betrayal - very often the topic of the protection of their own interests, on the designation of the territory and their identity boundaries
. Secondly, on the loved one you can make up for the parents, whose action in relation to itself in the distant past, or not really regarded as a betrayal. Parent to designate this was impossible due to dolzhestvovaniya, fear of rejection, etc., so the pain, pushed into the depths of the psyche, you express to others, waiting for convenient circumstances or creating them.
Thirdly, apart from the fact that other people gave you, you often carry him claim for himself. To present yourself this kind of claim is very scary. We'll have to face the truth - what am I doing wrong in my life. Where, in any moment, with whom I had betrayed myself? And as I continue to do it now?
For example, as told one client, "recalling the moment where I myself betrayed and himself changed, comes to mind as the very, very beginning of the relationship, months five after they met, my husband stood there and said he wanted to associate with the life of me but for that I have to change completely. Now it sounds to me a funeral march, and then - happiness, yes, change it! The main thing we will live together, and we'll see. "
Another client, remembering, told the story as being some time in marriage, I learned about an unplanned pregnancy. By that time, she has established in her suspicions, she was on a business trip away from home. My husband demanded to get rid of a child under the pretext that the child is not his. The woman got rid of the baby, although so far it does not fit in her head. My husband felt that went too far, and then came with apologies and flowers. Leave him she did not have the heart.
Those moments and those situations where we have to step over themselves, go in spite of his feeling and his convictions, we are very well remember. They live deep in our eternal pain and suffering. In order not to suffer, we suffer the pain, as the assessment and condemnation on the other.
Perhaps this article will help you to look at life from the other side. Life is too multifaceted to take it flat.
Author: Lily Ahremchik
It is a well-known psychological defense mechanism called projection. Privacy and protection so that a person closes. From what? From the inner pain. From collisions that cause fear of meeting with him, with his injuries.
In fact, this unconscious transference of the other person's own experiences. The key word here - the unconscious, that is, people are not aware of why it is that something touches or touches another, why of all possible evaluations and determinations, he chooses something specific. It is necessary to dig deep.
When meeting with clients, I have often heard them referred to as the spouse care, termination of relationships, infidelity (also define) the word "treason". In this word a lot of strength and energy. It's very emotionally charged. And, most importantly, it allows you to divert the attention from himself to another. This same protection, see? "It's not my fault, it's the other betrayed me".
You can be indignant: "Well, of course, is always to blame for infidelity partner!". Not always. Is not the question, the question is why a sexual relationship on the side of the partner you call betrayal. The same applies to other events - could be called jealousy, weakness, emotional instability, but it was called a betrayal
. Spinning ball of unconscious motives, you can reach interesting conclusions.
Firstly, it can be assumed that each of us is able to act, that the other person can be regarded as a betrayal. I, for example, has suspended relations with a friend, when tired of listening to many, many hours on the outpouring of sick and perverted relations. I had an emotional overload, my advice is not carried out, and hear a man revels in his misfortune, I did not have the patience. It really ate my life and took away force. I understand that it looked to her as "left in a difficult moment." So the coin always has two sides.
The theme of betrayal - very often the topic of the protection of their own interests, on the designation of the territory and their identity boundaries
. Secondly, on the loved one you can make up for the parents, whose action in relation to itself in the distant past, or not really regarded as a betrayal. Parent to designate this was impossible due to dolzhestvovaniya, fear of rejection, etc., so the pain, pushed into the depths of the psyche, you express to others, waiting for convenient circumstances or creating them.
Thirdly, apart from the fact that other people gave you, you often carry him claim for himself. To present yourself this kind of claim is very scary. We'll have to face the truth - what am I doing wrong in my life. Where, in any moment, with whom I had betrayed myself? And as I continue to do it now?
For example, as told one client, "recalling the moment where I myself betrayed and himself changed, comes to mind as the very, very beginning of the relationship, months five after they met, my husband stood there and said he wanted to associate with the life of me but for that I have to change completely. Now it sounds to me a funeral march, and then - happiness, yes, change it! The main thing we will live together, and we'll see. "
Another client, remembering, told the story as being some time in marriage, I learned about an unplanned pregnancy. By that time, she has established in her suspicions, she was on a business trip away from home. My husband demanded to get rid of a child under the pretext that the child is not his. The woman got rid of the baby, although so far it does not fit in her head. My husband felt that went too far, and then came with apologies and flowers. Leave him she did not have the heart.
Those moments and those situations where we have to step over themselves, go in spite of his feeling and his convictions, we are very well remember. They live deep in our eternal pain and suffering. In order not to suffer, we suffer the pain, as the assessment and condemnation on the other.
Perhaps this article will help you to look at life from the other side. Life is too multifaceted to take it flat.
Author: Lily Ahremchik
