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How to behave with children from 3 to 18
Throughout life we learn anything, just not how to become real parents and raise their children properly. Many moms and dads do not know how to communicate with their children - and allow a lot of errors, which cause unpleasant consequences not only in the relations "parent - child", but also in the life of a daughter or son in their future
. The psychologist of the highest category, senior lecturer in psychology and management GUO "Minsk Regional Institute for Education Development" Nina Kashkan helped us to characterize the most specific features of the age of each child and give recommendations on how to communicate with children is at different stages of their development.
Preschoolers (3-6 years)
Features of behavior
Nina Kashkan noted that three years kids begin to feel self-sufficient - they are often uttered phrases such as "I myself", but at the same time a romantic attachment to parents, are in relentless motion. It is also noteworthy that in this age there is no difference between the real world and the world of fantasy. Unlike many adults who really care about what they think about because of heightened feelings of responsibility or according to the society, others will say and how it will affect their reputation, doshkolyata satisfy their wants and needs free of the opinions of others. But at the same time happy to attract attention, to become parents and relatives
«ubiquitous." This is the age "pochemuchek" - they always ask: "Why?", "Why?", "What is it?". However, their questions can lead to impotence, even the most intelligent adults.
Also during this period of life, children experience a variety of fears and worries. They take everything too literally.
Communicating with a child
Psychologists recommend especially in this age of compassion and love your baby, kiss, caress and cuddle, to help him meet his "I myself»
. Be responsive to his ideas, put off doing and listen carefully, as soon as he had a desire to talk to you.
In all, even the most "inconvenient" questions are answered honestly. If your child's interest in occasion of where it came from, you answer, "I brought the stork", "bought in the shop" - that then you will be difficult to teach a child to tell the truth, since you have already applied to it opposite example
Observe how the child plays, do not deny his involvement. It is, one might say, the first and a very good school of life: can be determined by the games, what problems are having a baby, he will solve them, when it becomes an adult, what will it be a family man, a worker, a friend
. Give him his freedom, but learn to reckon with the interests of others. Stop it if it interferes with the conversation of adults, do not be afraid to show their anger, when it is caused by a serious act of a child.
What not to do
Try not to take care of a child too, and do not use in his address the threat. Do not punish your child for the quality of the individual - but only for the actions. And in any case, do not resort to physical punishment. Using educational arsenal of violence, we can quickly get results, because they do not need a long time to explain something to prove. But what do you do when a child grows up?
Also, a psychologist advises not to focus on the children's quarrels.
The situation and the way
solutions If your child is too often capricious, hysterics on the street, at home, in shops, when you have not bought him a favorite toy, the first thing is to think that, perhaps, the source of this behavior lies in the relationship of the child in the family. Do not hang up immediately on the naughty kid label. Think about the fact that at this age children "mirrors" the relationship of their parents.
Due to the fact that children 3-6 years are characterized by a high switching of attention, in the next moment the child's tantrums, try to immediately reconfigure it to something else, it is desirable unexpected. For example, say: "Look, there on the roof sits a monkey," "Oh, Karlsson flew!". That is what he did not wait.
Younger students (7-10 years)
Features of behavior
At this age, children receive serious and time-consuming activity - study. And the greatest authority sometimes becomes the teacher.
Also, for children 7-10 years is characterized by a surge of imagination, lives in a fantasy world, often created in the image and likeness of what they saw or heard.
During these years, children may appear desire to appropriate other people's things, you need to immediately stop, without perceiving such antics as a joke, otherwise it can escalate into permissiveness and theft.
The child has formed a rudimentary understanding of their rights, increasing interest in the study of his body.
Children often copy their parents in the intonations, the behavior in relation to other people
. Communicating with a child
Discuss with your child the problem of relations between the sexes, shows the importance of affectionate relationship to her husband (wife), by example, do not hesitate to show affection and care for your partner in the presence of a child. Find out the names and numbers of classmates and friends of the child's phone, get to know their parents. Thus, you show your child that you can be friends families can understand what his friends.
During his studies, help him to feel the joy of acquiring knowledge: this will increase his motivation to learn better and contribute to personal development. In this case the child is required to be working time and place for homework, and he deserves praise or encouragement for their achievements.
If you have requirements to it, make sure you Argues them, present them in a positive way, that is to say what you want, not on what you do not want.
What not to do
Many parents meryaya child on their own, make a mistake: require him to that to which he is not ready because of their age. Do not give orders, the fulfillment of which is not obligatory. Do not be jealous of the child to the authority of the teacher, on the contrary, rejoice, so there. During the explanation of the relationship do not let the negative assessments of personality of their children and in any case do not compare them with others, giving preference to the latter.
The situation and the way
solutions For the younger students, one of the most common problems - a lack of motivation to learn. Although in this period the training activities - leading to the life of a child 7-10 years
. The nature of children of this age - in knowledge. And if it is violated, especially the omission of parents, who are often well before school "stuffed" their children knowledge: count to a hundred, to learn the English alphabet and the names of world capitals. Instead, warm up the curiosity of the child with such phrases as "you know about it at school", "school will tell you many interesting things." It is necessary to raise the child in the eyes of the teacher's authority.
To develop children's parents, of course, necessary, but information overload (and meaning "taste" which they can not yet fully understand) can not, as it may discourage interest in learning.
Teens (11-14 years)
Features of behavior
The period from 11 to 14 years is often called difficult age. It is believed that at this time a person is experiencing a serious crisis. The main reason: the physiological discomfort due to an active adjustment of the growing organism, which leads to psychological breakdowns
. Teenagers inherent tendency to self-affirmation and romance, elucidation of their abilities and opportunities at risk. Also, they can often change the mood, manifest unfounded resentment, sadness, tears. Emotional reaction can even accompany the seemingly most insignificant events.
In those years strengthened friendly and friendships with peers or older children.
Teens often fiercely defend their point of view (often wrong), are beginning to be critical of the authority of adults, ignoring them, giving preference to the opinions of their peers. Condescending attitude toward younger may also be characteristic of them, and deliberately indifferent attitude to the opposite sex, which, in contrast, suggests that in this area the child lives in the soul of interest.
Communicating with a child
Nina Kashkan advised to remember that the adolescent just as before, we need the care, attention and participation, but now as a partner. Therefore, to talk with the child standing on an equal footing with them to plan the family budget, leisure time. Set aside some pocket money, in conflict situations, speak up after him.
Listen to the children, and not just listen to what they say and how. Be sure to explain to teenagers that acts as a rule, it entails the consequences, so you should think very carefully before you do anything.
At this age, it is also important to teach your child adequately endure grief and trouble to explain the necessity of certain restrictions in the family and in general.
Be good care of nascent feelings in the child's mind, stresses the importance of choosing friends and girlfriends, indicate the scope of acceptable and unacceptable in relations with people.
What not to do
Do not demand immediate and blind obedience, do not use threats and do not humiliate the child. Do not let a lack of respect on the part of the adolescent and rudeness towards him. When he tries to explain his actions, do not start a conversation with the charges and do not interrupt.
Also, do not bribe the children to extort and force a promise not to do what you do not like. If your family has rules and traditions that do not depart from them, except in exceptional cases.
Do not be jealous son or daughter to friends, invite them to your house and try to get to know. Do not give a negative assessment of the object of attention of a teenager, even if the choice fell you do not like.
The situation and the way
solutions Due to the change in hormonal levels in adolescents may self-esteem to plummet. They become clumsy, insecure hypochondriac. Reduced self-esteem entails automatically attempt to assert themselves at the expense of the child of another, so it can become rude and disobedient. In this situation, you need to work to increase confidence in the child himself, to seek and tell him the positive things in his behavior.
During this period, the parent and the teacher should not be to fix the attention of a teenager on the fact that bad, but rather to talk about what's good in it and worthy of praise.
High school students (15-18 years)
Features of behavior
At this age, young people are already seriously thinking about many vital things. For example, in learning activities they begin to appear professional interests and inclinations. Their friendships are strong, and can be preserved for years to come.
Also grown in this period become important figures for high school students, but now with regard to their personal qualities. From this follows the tendency of 15-18-year-olds to search for the object of worship and imitation, and intimate experiences acquire their most important role, and may even be for some time to eclipse all other hobbies and interests.
Communicating with a child
Talk about their failures and successes, ask for advice. Be prepared for the fact that your older child can enter into an intimate relationship or acquire bad habits.
If he develops serious problems, help your children find their solution and faith in the strength to overcome them, thus proving that he (she) has many advantages, which need to constantly develop.
What not to do
Without explicit on the need not to impose its will in choosing friends, appearance, determine the field of action for self-realization, including professional.
Do not force the child to be frank: if you do not put pressure on him, he will come and tell you that it worries
. Do not make a tragedy out early in your opinion the sexual experience of your children and help them to cope with possible befallen frustration or the need to resort to the help of a doctor.
The situation and the way
solutions The first love for the children of this age - this is a great value, while the adults around him from the height of their years of experience sometimes perceive it as nonsense and often say, "Yes, these guys (girls), you will have so many!". When parents try to destroy or diminish the value of this, it protects the child, and in the most deplorable cases can make a suicide attempt.
It should be understood that the values of young people and adults are different, so be sure to take them: you can not relate to the sympathy of his child down, ironically, reduce the value of his experience. This is the first strong feeling very, very important to him.
It is necessary to talk to the child from the heart, to talk about his first experience of practical use, recognize the importance of this feeling in a person's life. Say that such love and disappointments happen in everyone's life, because your child seems like only he does not reciprocate that only happened to him is, in his opinion, a strong sense. You can invite him to the object of sympathy to his home for a walk, if your child so desires.
Do not forget that the parents do not come true, so you need to make every effort and wisdom to them to become.
Author: Victoria Gomza
. The psychologist of the highest category, senior lecturer in psychology and management GUO "Minsk Regional Institute for Education Development" Nina Kashkan helped us to characterize the most specific features of the age of each child and give recommendations on how to communicate with children is at different stages of their development.
Preschoolers (3-6 years)
Features of behavior
Nina Kashkan noted that three years kids begin to feel self-sufficient - they are often uttered phrases such as "I myself", but at the same time a romantic attachment to parents, are in relentless motion. It is also noteworthy that in this age there is no difference between the real world and the world of fantasy. Unlike many adults who really care about what they think about because of heightened feelings of responsibility or according to the society, others will say and how it will affect their reputation, doshkolyata satisfy their wants and needs free of the opinions of others. But at the same time happy to attract attention, to become parents and relatives
«ubiquitous." This is the age "pochemuchek" - they always ask: "Why?", "Why?", "What is it?". However, their questions can lead to impotence, even the most intelligent adults.
Also during this period of life, children experience a variety of fears and worries. They take everything too literally.
Communicating with a child
Psychologists recommend especially in this age of compassion and love your baby, kiss, caress and cuddle, to help him meet his "I myself»
. Be responsive to his ideas, put off doing and listen carefully, as soon as he had a desire to talk to you.
In all, even the most "inconvenient" questions are answered honestly. If your child's interest in occasion of where it came from, you answer, "I brought the stork", "bought in the shop" - that then you will be difficult to teach a child to tell the truth, since you have already applied to it opposite example
Observe how the child plays, do not deny his involvement. It is, one might say, the first and a very good school of life: can be determined by the games, what problems are having a baby, he will solve them, when it becomes an adult, what will it be a family man, a worker, a friend
. Give him his freedom, but learn to reckon with the interests of others. Stop it if it interferes with the conversation of adults, do not be afraid to show their anger, when it is caused by a serious act of a child.
What not to do
Try not to take care of a child too, and do not use in his address the threat. Do not punish your child for the quality of the individual - but only for the actions. And in any case, do not resort to physical punishment. Using educational arsenal of violence, we can quickly get results, because they do not need a long time to explain something to prove. But what do you do when a child grows up?
Also, a psychologist advises not to focus on the children's quarrels.
The situation and the way
solutions If your child is too often capricious, hysterics on the street, at home, in shops, when you have not bought him a favorite toy, the first thing is to think that, perhaps, the source of this behavior lies in the relationship of the child in the family. Do not hang up immediately on the naughty kid label. Think about the fact that at this age children "mirrors" the relationship of their parents.
Due to the fact that children 3-6 years are characterized by a high switching of attention, in the next moment the child's tantrums, try to immediately reconfigure it to something else, it is desirable unexpected. For example, say: "Look, there on the roof sits a monkey," "Oh, Karlsson flew!". That is what he did not wait.
Younger students (7-10 years)
Features of behavior
At this age, children receive serious and time-consuming activity - study. And the greatest authority sometimes becomes the teacher.
Also, for children 7-10 years is characterized by a surge of imagination, lives in a fantasy world, often created in the image and likeness of what they saw or heard.
During these years, children may appear desire to appropriate other people's things, you need to immediately stop, without perceiving such antics as a joke, otherwise it can escalate into permissiveness and theft.
The child has formed a rudimentary understanding of their rights, increasing interest in the study of his body.
Children often copy their parents in the intonations, the behavior in relation to other people
. Communicating with a child
Discuss with your child the problem of relations between the sexes, shows the importance of affectionate relationship to her husband (wife), by example, do not hesitate to show affection and care for your partner in the presence of a child. Find out the names and numbers of classmates and friends of the child's phone, get to know their parents. Thus, you show your child that you can be friends families can understand what his friends.
During his studies, help him to feel the joy of acquiring knowledge: this will increase his motivation to learn better and contribute to personal development. In this case the child is required to be working time and place for homework, and he deserves praise or encouragement for their achievements.
If you have requirements to it, make sure you Argues them, present them in a positive way, that is to say what you want, not on what you do not want.
What not to do
Many parents meryaya child on their own, make a mistake: require him to that to which he is not ready because of their age. Do not give orders, the fulfillment of which is not obligatory. Do not be jealous of the child to the authority of the teacher, on the contrary, rejoice, so there. During the explanation of the relationship do not let the negative assessments of personality of their children and in any case do not compare them with others, giving preference to the latter.
The situation and the way
solutions For the younger students, one of the most common problems - a lack of motivation to learn. Although in this period the training activities - leading to the life of a child 7-10 years
. The nature of children of this age - in knowledge. And if it is violated, especially the omission of parents, who are often well before school "stuffed" their children knowledge: count to a hundred, to learn the English alphabet and the names of world capitals. Instead, warm up the curiosity of the child with such phrases as "you know about it at school", "school will tell you many interesting things." It is necessary to raise the child in the eyes of the teacher's authority.
To develop children's parents, of course, necessary, but information overload (and meaning "taste" which they can not yet fully understand) can not, as it may discourage interest in learning.
Teens (11-14 years)
Features of behavior
The period from 11 to 14 years is often called difficult age. It is believed that at this time a person is experiencing a serious crisis. The main reason: the physiological discomfort due to an active adjustment of the growing organism, which leads to psychological breakdowns
. Teenagers inherent tendency to self-affirmation and romance, elucidation of their abilities and opportunities at risk. Also, they can often change the mood, manifest unfounded resentment, sadness, tears. Emotional reaction can even accompany the seemingly most insignificant events.
In those years strengthened friendly and friendships with peers or older children.
Teens often fiercely defend their point of view (often wrong), are beginning to be critical of the authority of adults, ignoring them, giving preference to the opinions of their peers. Condescending attitude toward younger may also be characteristic of them, and deliberately indifferent attitude to the opposite sex, which, in contrast, suggests that in this area the child lives in the soul of interest.
Communicating with a child
Nina Kashkan advised to remember that the adolescent just as before, we need the care, attention and participation, but now as a partner. Therefore, to talk with the child standing on an equal footing with them to plan the family budget, leisure time. Set aside some pocket money, in conflict situations, speak up after him.
Listen to the children, and not just listen to what they say and how. Be sure to explain to teenagers that acts as a rule, it entails the consequences, so you should think very carefully before you do anything.
At this age, it is also important to teach your child adequately endure grief and trouble to explain the necessity of certain restrictions in the family and in general.
Be good care of nascent feelings in the child's mind, stresses the importance of choosing friends and girlfriends, indicate the scope of acceptable and unacceptable in relations with people.
What not to do
Do not demand immediate and blind obedience, do not use threats and do not humiliate the child. Do not let a lack of respect on the part of the adolescent and rudeness towards him. When he tries to explain his actions, do not start a conversation with the charges and do not interrupt.
Also, do not bribe the children to extort and force a promise not to do what you do not like. If your family has rules and traditions that do not depart from them, except in exceptional cases.
Do not be jealous son or daughter to friends, invite them to your house and try to get to know. Do not give a negative assessment of the object of attention of a teenager, even if the choice fell you do not like.
The situation and the way
solutions Due to the change in hormonal levels in adolescents may self-esteem to plummet. They become clumsy, insecure hypochondriac. Reduced self-esteem entails automatically attempt to assert themselves at the expense of the child of another, so it can become rude and disobedient. In this situation, you need to work to increase confidence in the child himself, to seek and tell him the positive things in his behavior.
During this period, the parent and the teacher should not be to fix the attention of a teenager on the fact that bad, but rather to talk about what's good in it and worthy of praise.
High school students (15-18 years)
Features of behavior
At this age, young people are already seriously thinking about many vital things. For example, in learning activities they begin to appear professional interests and inclinations. Their friendships are strong, and can be preserved for years to come.
Also grown in this period become important figures for high school students, but now with regard to their personal qualities. From this follows the tendency of 15-18-year-olds to search for the object of worship and imitation, and intimate experiences acquire their most important role, and may even be for some time to eclipse all other hobbies and interests.
Communicating with a child
Talk about their failures and successes, ask for advice. Be prepared for the fact that your older child can enter into an intimate relationship or acquire bad habits.
If he develops serious problems, help your children find their solution and faith in the strength to overcome them, thus proving that he (she) has many advantages, which need to constantly develop.
What not to do
Without explicit on the need not to impose its will in choosing friends, appearance, determine the field of action for self-realization, including professional.
Do not force the child to be frank: if you do not put pressure on him, he will come and tell you that it worries
. Do not make a tragedy out early in your opinion the sexual experience of your children and help them to cope with possible befallen frustration or the need to resort to the help of a doctor.
The situation and the way
solutions The first love for the children of this age - this is a great value, while the adults around him from the height of their years of experience sometimes perceive it as nonsense and often say, "Yes, these guys (girls), you will have so many!". When parents try to destroy or diminish the value of this, it protects the child, and in the most deplorable cases can make a suicide attempt.
It should be understood that the values of young people and adults are different, so be sure to take them: you can not relate to the sympathy of his child down, ironically, reduce the value of his experience. This is the first strong feeling very, very important to him.
It is necessary to talk to the child from the heart, to talk about his first experience of practical use, recognize the importance of this feeling in a person's life. Say that such love and disappointments happen in everyone's life, because your child seems like only he does not reciprocate that only happened to him is, in his opinion, a strong sense. You can invite him to the object of sympathy to his home for a walk, if your child so desires.
Do not forget that the parents do not come true, so you need to make every effort and wisdom to them to become.
Author: Victoria Gomza
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