Subject codependent behavior does not lose popularity. How to save himself and the relationship by adjusting their own boundaries for yourself comfortable way, especially if you have not been able to learn it in the parental home? How to choose between her and other people's needs, especially if you used to be comfortable and not cause trouble? How do I determine what I am entitled to, and what - do not have, especially if I used to think that it solves the other? How to learn to give and to prohibit? How to maintain personal integrity?
Not everyone is ready to discuss these and related issues with a psychologist, and simply - with the other person. Many people prefer to understand everything yourself.
Website published a remarkable little memo on this case.
These tips and collecting only indicate the direction in which you should meditate. Something may come in handy in
1 "pure form".. Where it is not necessary When you are asking for something strange, to offer unnecessary or call - Sign a special Fenichka, bracelet or ring (on the contrary if you are right handed, then on his left hand, and if left-handed). instead of answering stir Fenichka or ring and say, "I thought, and I will answer you tomorrow." What you need to do tomorrow, read below.
< 2. Yes, you can give up, if you do not like some kind of an offer. need to apologize only in the event that you once promised to agree before, and now refuse. In other cases, to apologize for his refusal is not necessary. To explain the failure, you also do not have to.
< 3. Yes, you can also give up if you do not like does not itself offer, but the one who does it. No, you again have to explain anything.
< 4. Concerning paragraphs 2 and 3: less promise I know that you are doing it internally jumped from a prick of guilt.. Train tolerate these injections are not jumping up in the promises. You do not have to promise anything to anyone, unless you want to.
< 5. If you are at a party, not necessarily to help the owner to wash the dishes. Yes, you can just enjoy. Oh, you just do not like this party? Optionally, next time go here even if you are invited.
< 6. Face the concierge from your porch has nothing to do with you. She is always such a person. If she needs something, she tells herself. Even if koserzhki person has something to do with you, you still let him say myself. You do not have to think about it.
< 7. Leave a habit of guessing about the mood of other people's voice: you will not always wrong in their favor Either ask directly what exactly is wrong or leave them to their mood:. Want, tell yourself
. 8. You do not immediately respond to a letter (SMS, message on WhatsApp, etc.), If you do not have this personal need. If you're not interested in the relationship, you can not respond at all. Yes, you have the right to be not interested in a relationship.
< 9. You have the right to terminate the conversation or other communication that you do not have, or has ceased to like With time, you learn how to do it gracefully, and yet remember,. You can just disappear. If you are afraid to give in to the guilt or persuasion, you can leave without saying goodbye.
< 10. You can not just take the phone when you call. To tell the truth, you can never take the tube.
< 11. No, you are not guilty, that your friend got drunk again. It's not that he was "very glad to see you." Simply he is an alcoholic. Alcoholics get drunk from time to time, using others as an excuse, a reason or an excuse. You just successfully turned up to him. Even if your friend tells you, "You are to blame, that I got drunk again," you still are not to blame.
< 12. Develop your own bodily and emotional sensitivity. Trust your experience discomfort. If you manipulate, it often looks like a sinking feeling in the chest or abdominal pain, and sometimes it just feels like a headache. Stay away from such relationships and situations.
< 13. Shame and guilt -. The feelings that only you can do to sort through in their lives If someone tells you what you are guilty or that you should be ashamed - go
<. 14. If your partner does something that you do not like, do not wait until he guesses himself It is -. Not for you, and he will not guess. Ask him to stop. And you do not have to explain why, but if you want to - explain. If your partner does not stop you doing what you are asked to make sure how well he understood you. The third time, leave.
< 15. By the way, perhaps you did not know, but if you are threatened, you need to call the police. I checked, it works. Moreover, do not call when you hit, but after the first verbal threats.
< 16. Before you lend money, take you a week to think, even if you have this amount.
17. Before agreeing with someone on a joint vacation, take you two weeks to think, , even if you are free in these terms, and you like the proposal.
< 18. Before agreeing to a long work project, take a month to think Keep in mind everything, especially -. Manipulativeness future colleagues and boss
19.. Before accepting an offer of a joint life, take you six months to think. You do not have to agree on anything, what is in doubt.
< 20. This applies to any of your decisions.