American Pamela Drukerman with her husband and three children, has been living for many years in Paris, she is ready to share the secrets of French parenting. Whether these principles are close to your family - it's up to you
It is a word spoken French parents, even the youngest children, because they believe that the child should be accustomed to the fact that it is impossible to get all on demand.
The kid woke up and started crying, the first wish - to rush to him as soon as possible. But the "pauses" French mothers and fathers. Quite a bit, maybe a few seconds they wait before approaching him. Of course, not allowing the child was frightened, panicked by the fact that no one came up to him.
It is through these small breaks the French are out to children at night used to sleep on their own for a long time. When they are not suitable for the child at once, so they let him go back to sleep on their own, rather than roam the parents on their hands. The light in the room where the baby sleeps should be turned off, because night has to be associated with the dark time of the day.
"Wait" is not just a dream. Hiking in the cafe and all the food at the table with adults, a walk in the park when my mother quietly talking on the sidelines with their friends rather than running after a toddler like mad, and, in general, the ability to behave as "educated person" requires the ability to wait and be patient. The French do not make allowances for age, children are taught to it literally from the cradle.
Who of us in childhood did not teach "magic word"? Thank after the meal and say "please" when asking someone about something - we know these words, and teach their children to use them, as once taught us that
But for the French parent the same words, in addition to the obligatory "thank you" and "please" is "hello" and "goodbye". Before reading this book, I noticed that to force a young child to say hello to an adult is difficult. Especially if you come with a baby in someone else's house and unfamiliar adults. The child is lost, shy, stubborn and silent. You make an attempt, but it is most likely doomed to failure, but you do not expect another.
Thank and use the word "please" children easily - it is clear to them that "thank you" they say because someone did something nice for them. Asking politely, as do all, it is not a problem. But "hello" and "goodbye" - is another matter. They were not followed by execution of desires, they are unnecessary, no matter what.
But these words for the French - a litmus test and raise children. If he has mastered them, overcoming his shyness, so he is willing to live by the rules of the adult world.
The author writes: "Let chubby little boy to enter my home without a greeting, I hereby launch a chain reaction that soon he will jump on my couch, refuse to eat anything but pasta without sauce, and bite my feet under the table at dinner. It is enough to give the nod to the non-observance of a single rule of civilized society, as a child, and everyone around quickly realized that the rest of the rules does not necessarily comply with; moreover, they decide that the children are unable to comply with these rules. A simple "hello" to the child and others means that he can behave in a civilized manner. So, this "magic word" sets the tone for communication between children and adults. " With these words, it is difficult not to agree.
Who's the master?
the question of who is the master, it is not necessary in the French families. The child is always aware of his place, and if he sometimes forgets about it, French mom and dad say to him: "Here, I decide!»
Contrasting the American method of raising children French, Pamela Drukerman emphasizes that in the New World parents are afraid to infringe upon the freedom of the children. It comes to the absurd. A child in the kindergarten to the observation educators can answer: "You're not my boss!" And continue to do their work. The freedom-loving France, it is simply impossible:
«in a country where revere revolution and barricades at the family table is not anarchists."
The author points out that in France very strictly delineated the boundaries of what can be done to children's and don'ts. Note, incidentally, that the children are absolutely free within these limits. They are naughty and indulge, and no one will blame for small offenses, therefore, in principle, in France, children are punished very rare:
"Setting boundaries for children, parents often use the phrase" you have / do not have the right. " "Do not beat Jules - they say. - You have no right to hit it. " And the difference is not just semantics. This ban sounds very different. This statement implies that there is a fixed, organized system of rules for both adults and children. And if a child has no right to do one thing, he has a right to do something else. There is even a song that everyone knows kids: «! Oh la la, on a pas le droit de faire ca» ( «Oh-la-la, we have no right to do so!»)
Another phrase that is often used French parents in dealing with children - "did not approve." "I do not approve of, when you toss peas" - Mom pronounce it in a serious tone, looking into the eyes of a child. "I do not approve" carries a lot more than the usual "no." Thus, the parents show that they have an opinion, to which the child must be considered. It is assumed that the baby might be his opinion on the spreading peas - even parents from him and not thrilled. That is, such behavior is seen as a conscious choice - and, accordingly, the child also consciously able to give it
Perhaps this is why the table in France is always a calm. Instead of waiting for a big scandal and resort to harsh punishments, parents are making a lot of little polite preventive steps, based on the established system of rules. »
The French parents decided to send even small children in the camps. Each school has a "green week" when the teacher taking children on nature. One week they live in the countryside or by the sea in a rather spartan conditions. Children observe nature and learn to live independently.
Parents in France, do not worry too much because of abrasions or bruises, they trust the teachers and the opportunity to be happy without children. Travel together - it is a common way for the rest of French parents. They do not suffer remorse when went somewhere without children and do not panic because of the fact that children with no one to cope as they themselves are.
But in addition to travel and go out together, "adult time" happens every day. Young children are taken to lay to bed pretty early - after 8 pm start time for parents. They send their children to their rooms, and those, even if you do not go to bed, you already play in their children. No running around all over the house and the requirements of the clock laid them in the bed is not in the French families.
In the morning the children also did not break into the room to their parents, and are waiting for when they come out.
The author gives the following example of the difference between the approaches of the American and French family model: "When France comes the American film" Rendezvous for ancestors "(Date Night), it was renamed" Mad evening. " The couple in this film - typical Americans from the suburbs. Browser Associated Press describes them as "normal parents, tired, but overall satisfied with their lives." The film begins with the fact that in the morning wakes zaprygnuvshy parents in their baby bed. French critics the scene horrified. Browser of Le Figaro calls children from "unbearable". »
It is interesting, as is customary among our readers to start a weekend morning? When my older children were small, such as the Saturday morning we woke up by the fact that three year old son perched on the bed between us your tricycle and recklessly twisting it into the pedal area of our pillows. Now, almost 20 years later, we are closer to the French model.
Also interesting: 7 ways to talk with your child so that he knew from the first time
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The relationship of the spouses is the most important
In France, it is believed that the most important thing in the family - a relationship mothers and fathers and children - in second place. Indeed, a lot of families who are at the forefront put the child or children, if there are several. Such a family is called detotsentrichnymi. But what happens to them when the children grow up? When you do not have somewhere to run with them, to develop, to do homework, slide down the mountain? It remains there something that makes a couple interesting to each other regardless of the children?
When children are small, it is very difficult to believe that sooner or later they will leave your house. But in fact, it happens fast. It would seem that quite recently you shook this lump in a wheelchair, and now he is studying at the institute, independently traveling to another country and leads avtomobil.Chto remains to you? Only a life of its own, which should not depend entirely on those whom you gave birth to and raised.
And in this I can not agree with the French, who, according to statistics, are considered to be the happiest wives in Europe.
Author: Anastasia Otroshchenko