About destroys relationships: what kind they are and why we choose these men and women

All of us are full of fear - all of us. If you marry in order to get rid of your fears, you will succeed only in that they combine with fears of another person. Fears possess your marriage. You will bleed and call it love.

In the classic and in modern literature, cinema, music sounding in the works, endlessly playing the substitution of the concept of `lyubvi`. Continuous broadcasting that its depth should be measured by the suffering that love causes. And just like those who have passions in their love kitchen, dramatic experiences, difficult mental anguish. Healthy relationships where partners are equal, respectful to each other without manipulation, lies, secrets are simply boring for the viewer. They need to popcorn and tears, groans and fear eyes closed, to swing and roller coasters that took the soul and not let go!

As expressed manifestations of love in your understanding? You're now in a mature and healthy relationship, or those that can be called immature, unbalanced, in a sad case, even the mentally ill? How do you know that your relationship can be called destructive? They Do it when you feel depressed, confused and tormented with the decision whether to live on? Can we call `lyubovyu` what is happening in your relationship? When every day you like more breathing its last, fading away and losing the spark of life. Are you mental demons imaginary beliefs overcomes all live tak` `and` marriage - it's hard, yes, you have to endure, is the proportion of marital uz`? Is constantly trying to, as in the saying, to revive the horse that was dead and it was time to finally get off? Or justify a partner to its detriment?

What can be called a `destructive otnosheniyami`? How is it that we choose these partners? Or when transfer `privet` parents?

 - Controls your life, thoughts, behavior, and insist on it. Jealous and classifies you to `his sobstvennosti`;

 - Continuously unhappy with you, criticizes you, your choices and actions, finding new bugs;

 - Directs you to your anger. Scandals and the threat that it will not love you and leave you, if you do not do what he wants. Emotional blackmail;

 - It is a good, kind and charming to people and severe with you alone. The abrupt transition from tenderness to anger;

 - Show respect for the opposite sex in general, negatively speaks about you in a group of friends and girlfriends;

 - Cheating on you, hiding something, plotting behind his back, I commend you to use and has an affair on the side;

 - Revenge on you, playing for all those who once hurt or rejected him, mom or dad, a woman or a man, a girl from the past or childhood abuser;

 - Challenge, provoking the fight, contest or competition. All that is contrary to your feminine or masculine nature;

 - Asserts itself at your expense. To belittle your achievements;

 - Deprives of love, sex, money, to punish you for the perfect offense in his opinion;

 - Shifts the responsibility on you. I blame all their failures and shortcomings;

 - Devalues ​​what you are doing for him. The fact that `` dolzhen` or dolzhna` and so;

 - Does not understand and does not accept, if you are in a bad mood;

 - Being aggressive towards you, mocking, abusing, insults and humiliates you;

 - Commit physical violence and bullying, if someone tell;

 - After the scandal refuses to discuss the problem, pretending they do not exist, replaying in his own incident;

 - She insists that you give up all that is valuable and it is important for you to satisfy his desires;

 - Forces to participate in sexual acts that are unpleasant and painful;

If you answered yes to many of the statements - it is a bad sign, since the adult normal person himself does not lead in this way. Captain Obvious)) But being in this maelstrom can live years before to understand and see how things badly. So we replaced the notion that `abnormal lyubov` now society is quite appropriate and normal.

How is it that we choose these partners? Or when transfer `privet` parents?

Walks popular: a girl chooses to elect such a man, which will be similar to the pope, and the boy will choose the one that will be like his mother. This is not entirely true, because the key is not in the similarity of the external and inherent qualities, and the key lies in the feeling.

Girls will choose their partners unknowingly such that arouse feelings experienced once as a child to his father. Boys choose those partners that will contribute to the emergence of feelings experienced by the mother. In a society of partners and we znakomo` `` ponyatno`. Even if actions are not benefited, and the feelings caused inconvenience, it is still close to us and is well-known. Therefore, there is a desire of belonging to a person with whom you can `tantsevat` by unlearning pas. That is what makes the concept of `lyubvi` for us.

Here is an excerpt from the book by Robin Norwood `Women who love too silno`

'If our relationships with parents were mostly warm, with the expression of the corresponding interest, understanding and approval, in adulthood we feel comfortable in the company of people who have inherited similar feelings of warmth and security, evaluating themselves positively. Moreover, we strive to avoid people, undermine our self-confidence through criticism or appropriate behavior. They cause us to dislike.

However, if the parents treat us hostile, critical, cruel, if they tried to manipulate us, overwhelms us overly dependent on us or behaved unworthily, then we will look "right" relationship with a person expresses (even if hidden) the same overtones of thought and behavior. We feel "at home" with the people in whose company revived our old abnormal circuits of communication, and on the contrary - we feel uncomfortable and constrained more friendly, kind and normal people in the society. If our lives have always been present chaos and drama; if, as is often the case, we have been taught from childhood not to trust your feelings, then we need to develop the drama, allowing us to save at least some feelings. We need to experience the excitement of uncertainty, suffering, disappointment - we should at least fight in order to feel alive. `

Therefore, it is often women fall for bad `parney`, paying no attention to those who support, listens carefully manifests itself, cares, transferring them to the rank of` druga`. Since there is no experience of the vortex of feelings and of the acute pain of suffering for `plohomu`, at the sight of which becomes cloudy eyes, blazing cheeks and dizzy. That is why young people choose their `yazv` and women who devalue their expressions of love, using for personal gain. And if you change yourself, your attitude, and flash the old children's scheme, there would be more correctly `zdorovyh` and happy couples.
Author: Hilary Shumskaya


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