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Maybe you do not know what love is
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When you're a teenager, the slope like a currency, and you accumulate it. When you meet more tough guys, you demonstrate how the steepness of each of you. So begins the race for the slope. On the other hand, it's fine. When teenagers are measured coolness - this is part of growing up and an indication of who they really are. It must be felt, then to rise above it.
But not all grow out of this race. Many adults continue to live in the belief that love and acceptance depend on how much benefit they bring to people. And there's some kind of condition, the reason for which they will love. We are starting to chase the slope, because the bad think about ourselves and desperately want to be good. So there are conditional relationship.
Conditional relationship - a relationship of mutual benefit, where «I will do it for you if you do it for me»
. Conditional relationships - is when something becomes more valuable and more relationships. For example, if you care about his career and the success of your partner more than himself, you actually do is more important than his career
Conditional relationship -. This is where I need you to make me feel good. It is possible, I always save you solve your problems and everything is controlled. It allows me to feel indispensable, popular and meaningful.
At some point, you grow out of this approach to life. You begin to like people for who they are, not because they have a great game of football or enjoy the same brand that you
Unconditional relationship -. It is a relationship in which everyone unconditionally accepted for what it is, no expectations from him. This is called adulthood and looks like a mystical land, which many have seen but few people on it inhabits.
The trick to growing up that priority is placed unconditional acceptance. When you appreciate another, despite its shortcomings, mistakes and figure. When people respect and support each other without expecting something in return. And no matter how changed your life, no matter what choice you make, you continue to respect and support each other
To test your relationship, hypothetically ask its partners such questions:.
«If I told my wife that I would like to start a career as a photographer, it would ruin our marriage?» «If I said to the guy that does not I want more than to see him, he still would have treated me well? » « If I had told a friend that strongly disagree with his decision, he would have stopped talking to me? » li > Ask yourself:
«If I moved to another city, I still would have talked with this man?" «If he got me free tickets to a concert, I will be tense and continue to communicate with him?» «If parents stopped paying my expenses, I would continue to live with them? »
To change the conditional relationship to the unconditional, it is important to stop playing the game "I'm good" and something to expect from people in return. For example, say "no" if you do not want that -What do what is usually agreed. This will cause a storm of emotions, people can tell a lot of unpleasant things to you and you will be blamed.
Do not be discouraged, this is just one more proof that you have been conditioned relations. < This honest love is ready to respect and take your choice.
It really is damn hard. But relations are difficult by nature, because man himself is the same. If life was a joy and fun, nothing good would have been done, and no one would get better.
Author: Mark Manson
Translation and adaptation: Website
Preview: Touchstone Pictures
via ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Touchstone_Pictures
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