Total 3 phrases to quickly neutralize any claim Bashny.Net

From time to time we all have to listen to complaints - from relatives, colleagues, customers, partners, and just random people. Reacting we to them in different ways: depending on the type, age, temperament, vospitaniya.Byvaet that resentment literally overwhelms us. What to do in such a situation? Is it possible to draw criticism for their own benefit? Can. If you use a magic formula that will neutralize any claim.

This magic formula described in his book "Success - is a personal matter," psychologist Marina Melia. It goes like this: "Yes - but - let's ...»

Website published a small excerpt from this book

Step One.. Say: "Yes!" When we hear the claim in his address, in whatever form it may sound, it is necessary first of all to deal with the first emotional reaction, and to recognize the other person entitled to the claim, in his own opinion. From our experience, we know that dare to state a claim is not so simple. If another took courage and told us that he does not like, so he set up a dialogue and seriously applies himself to us and to the prospects of our cooperation. This behavior is much more openness and interest than in silence and praise. After all, the one who does not care about us and our problems, not to understand them rather formal praise or simply otmolchitsya. And the desire to carry out "work on the bugs', on the other hand, talks about indifferent attitude to what we do and to ourselves.

Therefore, be taken seriously voiced negative, showing a willingness to listen and discuss
. For example, we are reproached in the poor performance of subordinates. What can be said in this case? "It is a pity that you are dissatisfied with the work of our employees. Thank you for reporting on this, for me it is very important, "- thus we make it clear that the other heard, accept it as a fact of discontent and show that they are interested in further clarification of the situation

. This our interest should not be flashy The same words, but with a different psychological overtones -. When we actually do not tolerate in your address any claims, but only formally agree with them and pronounce the correct phrase - It can be perceived even as a mockery.

Said in response to the claim, "Yes!", Then we are ready to find out exactly what happened, "I would be grateful if you could explain what happened." We are beginning to speak more concretely and enter into a real dialogue.

Step Two. "But ..." When we realized the view of another, it's time to turn to their own. It is not always coincide with the claims of our understanding of the situation. Therefore, it is important to express its position to argue and counter-arguments. But it should be an objective information, rather than an attempt to justify himself. As our interlocutor will see that we are trying to understand what happened: "Yes, I understand, you had to wait. But according to the approved regulations filling in this document requires a certain amount of time. This is a requirement that we have to abide by ... "In fact, many people are willing to accept the" pad "and" inconsistencies ", if they are respectfully explain the reasons for the incident and bring to the discussion of important facts. This allows another fresh look at the situation and take into account our opinion.

< Our "but" helps us not to slide into position "as you please». Even recognizing the right of the other to express a complaint, we are not required to "drag myself to the donkey," if we believe that it is not necessary to do so.

Step three. "Let's ..." When we heard the claim and expressed their reasoned position, it is important "to come to a common denominator" and try to take a joint decision. To people understand that we are with him "on the same side", you need to make concrete, constructive proposals, "If it is convenient to you, our staff will inform you in advance what documents you need to prepare ...»

If we respond to the claim in the following «Yes - but - let's ...» - the negative feedback works for us and helps us not only to learn a lot of useful and correct something in your work, but also improve relations with another person.

oshibkuPonyatno right to that claim is not easy to listen to, and even more difficult to do so for the benefit of themselves. Some people even a small claim is seen as a reason for the break in relations, any negativity in their side - as an insult. But the more a person is developed, the more it allows a wide variety of opinions about themselves and their activities. He realizes that he can make mistakes. While recognizing the right to make mistakes, we do not waste energy on it, to hide them from yourself and others. And the less we are afraid to make a mistake, the lower the test voltage, the more chance we have of success. If we are open to possible criticism in his address, the expanding range of useful information and a range of people, from whom it comes, and hence its ability to move forward and develop.



Author Marina Melia, from the book "Success - a private matter»

via www.cluber.com.ua/lifestyle/psihologiya-lifestyle/2016/03/3-frazyi-kotoryie-byistro-neytralizuyut-lyubuyu-pretenziyu/