I just want to make me someone cared

I knew when married him, what kind of person he was.

Strong, generous, kind. But in many ways he is my opposite. I was sure I could change it. Of course, he might have to plan at least one visit to us or to overcome your fear and do something outside of their comfort zone.

< But I could not foresee that having children makes us. Marriage and parenthood at the same time turned our talents and abilities for survival tools.

And I cope. I take that as a doctor's appointment or brushing. Paying bills, meal planning, child care - everything is on my shoulders. "You've always been a scheduler - I tell myself. - < You will not feel comfortable, if you do not control everything, so calm down » . But there are days like today when I admitted to myself that she was tired. Very tired. And I realized that I wanted to be the one taking care of someone.

< Sometimes I dream about how it would be if he turned his attention on me ... and I was confused. I dreamed that I wake up from a gentle kiss, a blanket will cover my shoulders, and he whispers: "Stay in bed. I'll do it myself. " All day my family would take care of that I want to eat, or what they could do for me. On this day, they would have thought of my every need and anticipated my wishes. Because usually I do the same thing for each of them.

"It's your favorite bottle of water, my dear. Beware, there is a pool, you can get your feet wet. " < Every need, every emotion, every whim and desire to envelop me and crushed all their excessive weight.

And he? Who is this man, with whom I share my life? He forgot who I really am. He does not know that I was crying on the pillow at night, because I want to be a necessary, essential. Not as a wife or mother, but - a woman. I want him to hug and invited on a date. One miserable date! I do not care about any items, except one, I want someone to take care of everything else without my participation. Not "what do you think?" Or "what do you want?", And only a complete and absolute silence in my head.

I want something that does not have and can not have, because our relationship has never been established and no. < He was always on his own. His life is much different from mine. This is me goodbye and arranged the wedding, and now plan our days.

I'm sure not the only one that took the ring from his finger and threw it against the wall with all his strength, and then realized that there is one among the laundry pile and asks himself: "I really should feel so?»

Sometimes I get annoyed when smart articles and books tell us that we should take care of itself. It means that we, women, do not know what is best for us, and always put chi-to interests above their own.

Obviously, this is a paradox. Becoming a mother, we literally give their blood to the kid inside us. < We do this to another might live. This is what we do from the very beginning.

But today, just today, I dream that one day someone will take care of me.







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