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8 ERROR wife of my dad
You married a man who has children from his first marriage? Or you think, to make this step? This article will help you to avoid mistakes in relations with her husband and children to "see" their hearts. If I were a child whose father is married to another woman, I'd say his new "mom" — stepmother, wife, dad or whatever it is I have there: "Look, let's say you're not my MOTHER! And you will never take her place! And then begins: "Shu-Shu-Mashu," you my darling, so pretty, I could kiss you," etc., I am not Your darling, you're a stranger to me. Moreover, in some situations, I hate you because you're still apart of my parents, even if you met after their divorce. But because I love my dad, I have to communicate with you and spending time together. So let me tell you my rules.
1. Respect me. Loving – not necessarily. I love my mom and dad. I'm not expecting any love! I don't need it! (at least not yet) But to me, to consider my desires and interests be good. Listen to my opinion, please, and then these parents believe that only they have the right to their opinion. Can even be delighted (only real!), when I come to visit you. So, maybe someday, and I'll be happy to see you. 2. I do not need to raise! I've got enough Tutors! Who are you to me so to have you and your rules imposed!? Better let's go ice-skating together or in a movie. I have much fun spending time with dad. Or prepare something delicious – cake with strawberries, for example, and have a tea party together. My parents never did, and I saw in the movie that it's great to sit at the table together and talk. I can even help to cut the strawberries.
Or, you know, I sometimes such essays difficult ask. Could you help me to write a couple? And with French I have a problem – don't give me those stupid graduation! And when we're (maybe!) make friends, we will walk together through the shops and buy cool sneakers! Huh?
And the fact that I like it (your actions, manners, rules, how you behave) – I can take myself. Knowingly, probably, the father chose you. Something he likes you... 3. Don't ignore me, please! It hurts when you pretend (or actually?), you don't care about me. More precisely, I don't want to feel your hostility. Of course, I don't need you! And if not the father – "I have seen you far"! But when I come, you can pay at least some attention? Not close in a room and paint there nails?
My friend also has a stepmother, and she did not let a friend into the house. They meet with father or a friend's house, or anywhere in the city. On the one hand – well, they don't see each other. But, on the other hand, my girlfriend feels thrown out of the life of the father.
It would be cool if you ever came to my side in a dispute with his father. Or bought me something useful. Like you care about me. And take me with you when you travel this summer! I need your participation in my life. It seems that the father is pleased when we're quietly talking. I want to see him happy. 4. That's just not necessary about me so take care! Lord, well, where you have so much desire me to take care of and look after? You that, "my second mother" signed up? I think I need your sacrifices? Who asked you to buy all these dresses, to prepare 33 pie for my arrival, to make me endless tea with sandwiches, walking behind me on the walk, to be ready at any moment to carry out my whims, to tolerate my tantrums?
I think I will appreciate it? Or my dad will appreciate? Through the year we think that it should be so, and if you want to do something, we force a tie. "Where is our performer of desires? Where is our pleaser? How is she doing?! This can not be!"
I go to the father. I want to spend time. I agree, if you're going to pay me attention and give their time without damage to itself. Better yet, if you would be a pleasure.
For example, walk in the Park or skiing. To teach me how to peel potatoes (although I shouldn't say!), to watch a movie. So I can see an example of a satisfied woman's life. Some kind of family happiness is and happy women, too.
5. Don't expect me to be grateful! I didn't ask you to marry my father! I'm not asking you to love me (although it would be nice). I'm not asking you to run around me. You're all signed up for, you wanted to be with my father. So, pay.
Actually, I'm still a child. I don't know what you're doing something heroic. I think everything is as it should be. This for me in order that you take care of me, play with me, give me time and attention. So personally, I don't even have thoughts thank you!
Want – come on and dari. Do not want – your right. Of course, you can still take care of me not for my own sake, but in order to stay with my father. Well. I don't care. Don't just the heroine or the victim. You get!
Although, sometimes I appreciate it when you do something for me that I need: homework, there, help, buy what I wanted, and the parents did not buy. I'm grateful when you hear me, when you try to understand me, and not to stick to their guns, just like dad.
In short, I don't want to be disappointed – no thanks! 6. The secret (I didn't tell you!): put me sometimes in place. Let me tell you a secret. This is a big, big secret! I need your rules. I need boundaries. I need to know, to what features can I walk. You are to me a stranger, you're not a parent, so it's great for you to test your reaction, to know what emotions will cause my behavior or my words.
Especially fun when you're afraid will think of you badly or father will be angry. And you suffer. And then I want to go further, to see how far you will suffer.
So I'm constantly testing you. Sometimes even fun to be. But if you show me your capabilities if install a STOP sign if I can explain and convey to me that it is impossible further I calm down. I, on the one hand, I want you to experience, and on the other (I don't even realize it) looking for your boundaries. Because then I calm down. I will be clear, where is the edge. I will understand your territory. I will be clear who you are.
And yet, learning your limits, I will be able to build his own. I will, at least, know about them and your example to be able to build them. Perhaps, someday, when I become adult, I understand what you taught me. 7. Don't you dare talk bad about my mother! This topic is taboo. Or good, or no. Moreover, I'm going to Troll and say, "But my mother... And my mother doing this... I'm not eating, I like the way mom cooks. Mother dresses beautifully and you don't. And my mother better..." Now where are you going to Dodge like a lizard.
You'll have to cope with their jealousy, envy and the desire to compete with my mom. Anyway my mom is better!
But if you accept the fact that my mother is better than you, if you don't try to take her place, and will be able to hold his own – let's see what happens. You might be my special person: my older girlfriend, sister, or don't know something. Second mother – not want. What a bullshit! But you will take its place. And be special. Not like my mother. Just different. 8. Don't push my father. Don't be jealous. Listen, if you're going to oppose my meetings with my dad, you'll just deprive me of the father! You will make another person (me) mental cripple. Because being abandoned by his father is to lose the support on all my life, you know?!
The man, whose life was not his father, unable to support yourself, believe in yourself, to achieve something in life, and in General, to be complete.
I'm not saying that he should live with me or I with him. I say that I want him involved in my life not only money. I need his attention, love, his knowledge, his voice, his hugs, so he taught me everything, only what he knows himself, spent time with me. We can even see you in your home, but do not deprive me of his presence.
He's too important to me around. It is important to understand that he did not abandon my child, that he is not a reptile, it is important to invest a piece of yourself in your child and do not suffer from guilt. You want him to be happy, right?
Or do you only think about yourself?! And the evil stepmother? I'm kidding. You probably have your troubles, and maybe you're jealous of me and father. But drop it! I am his daughter, not a woman. Do not confuse! Maybe you are competing with me for his attention, and you miss him too? But you're a big girl, you can self-support, but I have not. Better go to a psychologist, go see if you can't cope with jealousy or something. Everything will be easier for all of us. And you in the first place. Will be able to take me, and then I – you. And will you happiness! Also interesting: Divorce: remember the kids become hostages of this war! Divorce: before, during, and after P. S. Surely you've noticed that the words of a teenage girl riddled with ambivalence. On the one hand, anger and hatred of the stepmother, on the other, the child wants good relations. That's the whole point.
The task of women is to process this duality (and his, too) to integrate "good and bad" emotions and needs in the General field relations. It's not just long. When trying to deal with all this alone, go on your way, like a blind kitten. Much easier to go with a guide and a flashlight in the dark.
I say that you can save years of time and their health, starting or continuing your journey with the help of a specialist. I remember one woman came to me for advice, having lived 7 years in a mixed marriage. At the end of our work she said, "Lord, and what is it for years I've suffered! As far as I would be easier if I came to you before. How much would your health I saved!". published
Author: Olesya Chumakova Photo © Lisa Visser, P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: yamacheha.ru/8oshibok
1. Respect me. Loving – not necessarily. I love my mom and dad. I'm not expecting any love! I don't need it! (at least not yet) But to me, to consider my desires and interests be good. Listen to my opinion, please, and then these parents believe that only they have the right to their opinion. Can even be delighted (only real!), when I come to visit you. So, maybe someday, and I'll be happy to see you. 2. I do not need to raise! I've got enough Tutors! Who are you to me so to have you and your rules imposed!? Better let's go ice-skating together or in a movie. I have much fun spending time with dad. Or prepare something delicious – cake with strawberries, for example, and have a tea party together. My parents never did, and I saw in the movie that it's great to sit at the table together and talk. I can even help to cut the strawberries.
Or, you know, I sometimes such essays difficult ask. Could you help me to write a couple? And with French I have a problem – don't give me those stupid graduation! And when we're (maybe!) make friends, we will walk together through the shops and buy cool sneakers! Huh?
And the fact that I like it (your actions, manners, rules, how you behave) – I can take myself. Knowingly, probably, the father chose you. Something he likes you... 3. Don't ignore me, please! It hurts when you pretend (or actually?), you don't care about me. More precisely, I don't want to feel your hostility. Of course, I don't need you! And if not the father – "I have seen you far"! But when I come, you can pay at least some attention? Not close in a room and paint there nails?
My friend also has a stepmother, and she did not let a friend into the house. They meet with father or a friend's house, or anywhere in the city. On the one hand – well, they don't see each other. But, on the other hand, my girlfriend feels thrown out of the life of the father.
It would be cool if you ever came to my side in a dispute with his father. Or bought me something useful. Like you care about me. And take me with you when you travel this summer! I need your participation in my life. It seems that the father is pleased when we're quietly talking. I want to see him happy. 4. That's just not necessary about me so take care! Lord, well, where you have so much desire me to take care of and look after? You that, "my second mother" signed up? I think I need your sacrifices? Who asked you to buy all these dresses, to prepare 33 pie for my arrival, to make me endless tea with sandwiches, walking behind me on the walk, to be ready at any moment to carry out my whims, to tolerate my tantrums?
I think I will appreciate it? Or my dad will appreciate? Through the year we think that it should be so, and if you want to do something, we force a tie. "Where is our performer of desires? Where is our pleaser? How is she doing?! This can not be!"
I go to the father. I want to spend time. I agree, if you're going to pay me attention and give their time without damage to itself. Better yet, if you would be a pleasure.
For example, walk in the Park or skiing. To teach me how to peel potatoes (although I shouldn't say!), to watch a movie. So I can see an example of a satisfied woman's life. Some kind of family happiness is and happy women, too.
5. Don't expect me to be grateful! I didn't ask you to marry my father! I'm not asking you to love me (although it would be nice). I'm not asking you to run around me. You're all signed up for, you wanted to be with my father. So, pay.
Actually, I'm still a child. I don't know what you're doing something heroic. I think everything is as it should be. This for me in order that you take care of me, play with me, give me time and attention. So personally, I don't even have thoughts thank you!
Want – come on and dari. Do not want – your right. Of course, you can still take care of me not for my own sake, but in order to stay with my father. Well. I don't care. Don't just the heroine or the victim. You get!
Although, sometimes I appreciate it when you do something for me that I need: homework, there, help, buy what I wanted, and the parents did not buy. I'm grateful when you hear me, when you try to understand me, and not to stick to their guns, just like dad.
In short, I don't want to be disappointed – no thanks! 6. The secret (I didn't tell you!): put me sometimes in place. Let me tell you a secret. This is a big, big secret! I need your rules. I need boundaries. I need to know, to what features can I walk. You are to me a stranger, you're not a parent, so it's great for you to test your reaction, to know what emotions will cause my behavior or my words.
Especially fun when you're afraid will think of you badly or father will be angry. And you suffer. And then I want to go further, to see how far you will suffer.
So I'm constantly testing you. Sometimes even fun to be. But if you show me your capabilities if install a STOP sign if I can explain and convey to me that it is impossible further I calm down. I, on the one hand, I want you to experience, and on the other (I don't even realize it) looking for your boundaries. Because then I calm down. I will be clear, where is the edge. I will understand your territory. I will be clear who you are.
And yet, learning your limits, I will be able to build his own. I will, at least, know about them and your example to be able to build them. Perhaps, someday, when I become adult, I understand what you taught me. 7. Don't you dare talk bad about my mother! This topic is taboo. Or good, or no. Moreover, I'm going to Troll and say, "But my mother... And my mother doing this... I'm not eating, I like the way mom cooks. Mother dresses beautifully and you don't. And my mother better..." Now where are you going to Dodge like a lizard.
You'll have to cope with their jealousy, envy and the desire to compete with my mom. Anyway my mom is better!
But if you accept the fact that my mother is better than you, if you don't try to take her place, and will be able to hold his own – let's see what happens. You might be my special person: my older girlfriend, sister, or don't know something. Second mother – not want. What a bullshit! But you will take its place. And be special. Not like my mother. Just different. 8. Don't push my father. Don't be jealous. Listen, if you're going to oppose my meetings with my dad, you'll just deprive me of the father! You will make another person (me) mental cripple. Because being abandoned by his father is to lose the support on all my life, you know?!
The man, whose life was not his father, unable to support yourself, believe in yourself, to achieve something in life, and in General, to be complete.
I'm not saying that he should live with me or I with him. I say that I want him involved in my life not only money. I need his attention, love, his knowledge, his voice, his hugs, so he taught me everything, only what he knows himself, spent time with me. We can even see you in your home, but do not deprive me of his presence.
He's too important to me around. It is important to understand that he did not abandon my child, that he is not a reptile, it is important to invest a piece of yourself in your child and do not suffer from guilt. You want him to be happy, right?
Or do you only think about yourself?! And the evil stepmother? I'm kidding. You probably have your troubles, and maybe you're jealous of me and father. But drop it! I am his daughter, not a woman. Do not confuse! Maybe you are competing with me for his attention, and you miss him too? But you're a big girl, you can self-support, but I have not. Better go to a psychologist, go see if you can't cope with jealousy or something. Everything will be easier for all of us. And you in the first place. Will be able to take me, and then I – you. And will you happiness! Also interesting: Divorce: remember the kids become hostages of this war! Divorce: before, during, and after P. S. Surely you've noticed that the words of a teenage girl riddled with ambivalence. On the one hand, anger and hatred of the stepmother, on the other, the child wants good relations. That's the whole point.
The task of women is to process this duality (and his, too) to integrate "good and bad" emotions and needs in the General field relations. It's not just long. When trying to deal with all this alone, go on your way, like a blind kitten. Much easier to go with a guide and a flashlight in the dark.
I say that you can save years of time and their health, starting or continuing your journey with the help of a specialist. I remember one woman came to me for advice, having lived 7 years in a mixed marriage. At the end of our work she said, "Lord, and what is it for years I've suffered! As far as I would be easier if I came to you before. How much would your health I saved!". published
Author: Olesya Chumakova Photo © Lisa Visser, P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: yamacheha.ru/8oshibok
