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5 truths about children that parents should take
I was born in the last century. When I was growing up, there was another country and had another life. Though now the things have changed, but to this day in the education of our children, we rely on the advice of their parents. But now all my experience of motherhood - a "look at my mom and grandmother, and do the opposite." And for several years now, I open your inner mother and frees her from the prejudices of the Soviet system of education.
Ten years ago I became a mother for the first time and since she knew nothing at all about how to raise children, then called for his aid nurse. I was lucky: I had the opportunity to learn from a professional to raise children. It dispels many of my naive beliefs about education. In particular, I saw for the first time, as gentle as possible, and non-judgmental mistakes take the child. In the second ten minutes broken cup, it just says: "It's okay." I felt as a child this was not possible.
Then I myself became a psychologist, and a second child raschu completely on a different level of awareness than the former. And above all, I "caught" at the most "Soviet" educational "cockroaches" that we were stuffed. Over the years I have accumulated a list of who I want to share with you:
Children can (and should!) dirty, play with dirt and "bubbling" in the puddles. nightmare mother-housewife son or daughter running through puddles, smear in the sandbox or dirt to the elbows dirty helping uncle -dvorniku. I'm constantly getting myself witnessed how moms at the playground screaming hysterically for her children: "Peter! Quickly get away from the puddle, "" Mary! Try again to pick up the wet sand! ».
However, only with dirt, mud, or next to it passes the most important stage of mental development of the child. This stage usually lasts for a child from one to three years, and at this time it is important to give him the opportunity to stomp and jump the puddles.
Children can play with food. «Foods can not indulge!" - another horror story of the Soviet past. Of course not. But small children and did not indulge. They are engaged in important work. They explore! Believe me, in 10 years they will not play, and indulge in a meal. A 2-3 year they need it. And again: playing with food, for example, to smear porridge on the table, and the soup on the cheeks - it's all the same regular residence aforementioned stage of development.
Children can wave his hands, biting and even fight. Moms on that just do not go to wean the child from "aggressive" habits. I remember my two year old daughter quietly approached the unsuspecting children and, without saying a word, biting them on the cheek. I was horrified, she grabbed her daughter and dragged her behind a bush to hold educational talk, frantically apologizing to victims' mothers.
I'm not saying that fighting and biting - is what we must encourage our children. I mean, all this is quite normal.
Toddlers are not able to express their emotions. Anger and other strong emotions just do not fit in their little bodies. The psyche can not recycle them. And it is our task as conscious adults who do not deny their emotions, and to teach children to recognize and deal with them. And most importantly, do not scream at this point and do not require immediately to stop it. It is better if we just embrace, and talk about why it should not do. So we give the child important lessons.
Firstly, we are not to alienate the child in negative emotions.
Secondly, we call emotions.
Third, we learn to translate his natural aggression in human - verbal. This habit, incidentally, and adults are lacking.
Children can arrange hysterics As if we were afraid of them either. We adults panicky dread be in this situation: a child struggling in hysterics, and passers-by turn around and do not know that myself think. In fact, hysteria - it's the same way to deal with emotions. It is necessary to respect it and do not try anything necessarily to do with it.
My daughter, who is now 10 years old, after a tantrum can calmly say, "Well, just such a mood." Earlier, while she sobbed and nearly beat her head against the wall, I have a lot of that time to think about myself. About what I am a mother, and about which I got a daughter.
Now I can not "break down", waiting for her feelings. I'm just saying that I'm always there and ready to talk to her after she calms down. Because emotion is useless to talk. And the knowledge that the next adult, do not panic and hysteria are not considered when the child is bad - is priceless.
children can be selfish Remember pillar of Soviet education: "You can not be selfish and think only of themselves?" In fact, at 20 years impossible. A 2-3-4, or even 5 years - is still possible.
This does not mean that we should indulge children in all reckless desires. This means that we respect what we say and asks the child. We hear that. Discuss. We attach great value. And going forward as far as possible.
I often see parents say "no" to the many requests from children. And it is unclear why the "no". I can not find any logical explanation. But there is another fear included Soviet parents' Izbaluesh child - it sits on your head. " In fact, after this education not grow darlings and flawed adults with a tendency to codependency and trespassing.
Every year my mother, I went up closer to your inner child, who at one time would be very happy to receive such an understanding, support and acceptance of its inalienable rights in the mud, selfishness, insatiable emotion and daring knowledge of the world. And you know who taught me that? Of course, my own children! Together with them, I got another chance to live a childhood again. I'm sure that only children can teach us truths that we have forgotten once by all to become adults. Let's learn from the kids! It is in our common interest.
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