Parents give us life, and this unpayable debt. Our task is to accept this gift. Make with all my heart. To accept that we will never be able to return it to them. Never. This is a divine gift, which we receive through their parents. The only thing we have to give in this case, is gratitude and respect.
If we are unhappy with their parents and think that mom could be nicer, so we do not take from them this energy.
If we envy those who have parents richer and kinder – we do not take the energy of Life
If we do not respect their parents we do not take the energy of Life
If we try to return to stop feeling this debt – we don't take the energy of Life.
If we have something to prove parents, we are also not taking the Energy of Life.
And so on.
To take Life can only be what it is.
I was born to my parents, because this is my Destiny. God chose me to parent, because that way I will be able to see something. Am I smarter than God, if I think he made the wrong choice?
We often look back to parents and they are looking for the causes of their troubles. We used to have that modern psychology is just what it says. People can go to a psychologist and complain about their parents.
You know, my life is hardly perfect. My mom and dad split before reaching the Registrar's office, at that moment I wasn't even born yet. When I was two years old, dad died in a car accident. In three years mom her mother died. And we were alone. My mother worked very hard to be able to raise me. She never married.
I have a sibling, the existence of which I learned in 15 years. Moreover, we were friends with him before finding out about this. He is younger than me by 7 months. And I love him very much. Despite the fact that my mother was against our communication as brother and sister. Despite the fact that his mother is this also not happy.
My childhood was spent in a constant deficit, and I still can't "eat" fruits and vegetables (our family has a lot of jokes about it)
My mom is not the most fun and simple relationship, and I had to endure from her as she from me. As said Marianne Franke-Greeks: "Far from my parents leaving when to be near them impossible. Need to increase the distance to maintain respect." Given that my mom lives 6000 miles from me – this is my case :-)
And I can walk and chew is all. I can blame the parents that I find it difficult to build a family that I don't know how to raise children. Or blame God, that could give me other parents. For example, such as my in-laws, that our whole lives together, raised two children... And so on to infinity.
But then what will change in my life?
I really liked the metaphor of the energy of Love. Imagine that there is a huge water pipe, or rather "Lobopod", which to us, Love flows. And we each have our own faucet. From it we receive a certain amount of Love.
We can't change the pressure in this "Looproute". The water flows with the speed and in such quantity that we measured. It is not we who decide, and our task is to enjoy what you have.
If we are unhappy with how much Love comes to us, then we tighten the tap tight. And cease to Love, start of depression, suicidal thoughts, or Vice versa, they get angry and frustrated at everyone around.
But as soon as we begin to take the "pressure" that is given to us by God, we gradually untwist the tap. And with the full acceptance we can get maximum out put us volume.
I can't change anything in his past. My fate is such as it is. And I can't change your mother – how she used to call me every day, apparently, and will be until the end of time.
But I can change my attitude. I can learn patience and acceptance. I can just agree with the fact that she's my mom, and I have no other and never will. And if God gave me her – she is the best mother for me.
And no matter what she thinks on this subject – whether it considers me a better daughter or not. Whether it pleased me proud of you or judging you. This is her territory. Which I just accept with love and gratitude.
Who is to blame for my problems?
Now comes to the fact that people blame the parents. Even where parents are not related. Because we have grown up, we live his life. We took what they gave us, and went on. But somehow, instead, we return again and again to him with an outstretched hand, or with the intent to throw a stone.
Would be the parents fault that a grown man cannot find a job? Or is it his responsibility that he does not go to where it take, and waiting for something unique?
How can a mother in law cause divorce? Or is it the responsibility of the wife that she was unable to find contact with her, and her husband, that he is not separated from mom?
And whether or not parents fault that someone becomes "Plyushkin" and nothing throws? Or is it his responsibility?
Yes, education is very important. It gives the basics of worldview. It gives and scenarios of behavior. And it is very difficult to go against these scripts. Difficult, but possible.
To exist in arrangement to understand their scripts and go the other way. To see how everything is, and accept it into your heart. There are other methods that also work well. Just placement closer to me personally.
Parents are doing us the best gift in life is Life itself. It is important to take this valuable gift. And even if life is all that they gave us is still the best gift.
My dad saw me two times in my life. I don't even remember what he looks like. But he gave me life. It loved my mother, and he became my dad. It was difficult for me to accept it. I always lacked it. I so wish he was there, that he loved me. After all, all dad had. And though they weren't perfect, but they were.
The more I worried about his absence, the less Love was flowing from my tap. And how incredibly difficult it was to understand and accept that he is the best dad for me. What he did most importantly gave me Life. Though that did nothing.
I love my dad. So many years passed before I was able to recognize it and feel it. And even more time passed before I allowed myself to love them both equally. Despite the fact that mom was with me the whole time and gave me more (in material terms).
To whom and how to repay debts
We will never be able to return the parents of this debt. Though, because our Life is not theirs and did not belong. The parents – guides the will of God. And all we can do for balance is to give Life to their children. To hold a "Lobopod" in the new house. Become conductors of the divine Will.
Though the parents often ask them to return. I heard that some even "were billed for services." Many children all my life struggling with this either proves that nothing should. Either trying to give. And so goes life. Energy that should go to the children cannot get to them. It all goes to prove the rightness and independence.
And if we're playing that game, it affects our children. Either we don't have them at all – because there's no power even to create new life. Or they get sick, get bad grades, don't listen – and so on.
Then, the behavior of our parents – it is their responsibility. It is important to understand that we will never be able to repay them, to fill their emptiness, to save them, to heal, etc etc. As we would like.
But if we talk about our children, knowing this law, we can ease their adult life. Our task as parents, including how to maintain their dignity until death. To make sure that pensions do not become disgruntled children needing attention and help. To let children grow and go out into the World. To learn how to live your life. And until the last day to stay parents.
How to make parents
In order to adopt, you must first understand. To understand that such is life. And they give the maximum possible. Ask any parent – whether he can give the child more or it gives the maximum? Many would like to give the kids more but can't give more than they have.
It is important to understand that even if that is not enough – they have not and will not be more. They give us the maximum that they have.
When we begin to think in this way, we understand that they themselves didn't have the happiest childhood. And they, too, had not been taught to love and to create family. One of them was born during or immediately after the war. Someone's mother immediately after the birth of the child went to work because I had to. Many have grown up without fathers, killed in the war. And so on.
My mother, for example, ten years lost beloved father grew up in a boarding school (because in the village there was no school), raised a younger sister and many other things. I'm sure my dad, if he were alive, could tell me why it is so hard to live.
And so both of them could only give me what was given. It is their maximum. Even if I can never get enough.
Understanding of it gives strength to accept. Then you can stop standing with outstretched hand forever on the porch of my parent's house. You can go further and deeper.
After all, all we need is Love. And the parents are not the only source of Love. Moreover, no one person can be the source. We are simply conduits of divine energy. We can be good conductors, can be semiconductors, you can never spend energy.
Perhaps many of us this is one of the lessons – to be born of man, not conducting Energy, but still learning to Love. And transfer Love and Energy Lives on.
Author: Olga Valyaeva