How to build relationships with parents

Until recently, the topic of toxic parents was not raised at all. How can parents be bad and ruin their child’s life? And this can and often happens. We know what it is, but often we have no idea what to do with it.





So today, "Site" debate parent-child relationshipsWhat to do if your parents are poisoning your life.

Toxic parents are, roughly speaking, moms and dads who traumatize their children. Hyperprotection, control, violence - anything that spoils a child's life. The term “toxic parent” was first coined by psychotherapist Susan Forward to describe the effects on a child’s psyche of certain parental behaviors.

This effect is often not visible to the third eye, but as if a poisonous gas penetrates into a person and poisons his life. The consequences do not appear immediately, and therefore their cause is not always obvious. Growing up, we face these consequences, which cannot but affect our lives.





These parents usually have behavior patterns that determine the type of toxicity they are. And each species is equally detrimental to the mental health of the child. Forward identified the most important types of toxic parents. We will talk about each of these types and tell you what to do to deal with the consequences of their influence.

1. Infallible parents
   This is the type of parent who perceives any manifestation of the child’s personality as an attack on themselves. In response, they defend themselves: insult the child, humiliate him and destroy self-esteem. All this is covered with a good purpose - to temper the character. The child considers the parents perfect.
   
   
   
   Often these children come up with a different reality where their parents love them. Denial provides temporary relief, but over time it results in an emotional crisis. Children justify their parents by all means. My parents always wanted the best and did it to teach me a lesson.
   
   What do you do?Rethink the behavior of parents. In this case, the method of an outside observer is used: you need to look at the situation from the outside. It helps to realize that parents are not infallible. It is also important to realize that it is not your fault with your parents. There is no need to prove anything to them.
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Controlling parents
   From the outside, excessive control looks like care and caution. Toxic parents only care about themselves. They create a situation in which the child will depend on them as much as possible, because they are afraid of being alone. Such parents at every step reproach their child. Children hear things like, “Do this or I won’t talk to you anymore,” “If you don’t do this, I’ll have a heart attack,” “I’m only doing this for your own good.” But what it really means is, "I'm doing this because I'm so afraid of losing you that I'm willing to make you miserable."
   
   
   
   
   
   All this creates a sense of guilt and duty in the child. Even in adulthood, these children are under parental control. They lose their desire to be active, to live life to the fullest and to do anything at all. For example, you can’t go to another city because your mother said it was dangerous to drive.
   
   What do you do?Get out of control at all costs. If you realize that you have this problem, you need to get out of this personal prison. All the tricks of such parents are nothing more than emotional blackmail. When you understand this, you will cease to depend on your parents and their opinions.
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Inadequate parents
   This type is more difficult, because such parents do not beat or abuse the child. They do not harm by their actions, but rather by inaction. They themselves are infantile and try to quickly shift all their worries to the child. They make children grow up faster and meet their needs.
   
   
   
   The child loses his childhood and becomes a parent to himself, his younger children and his mother and father. These children then experience feelings of guilt and despair when they are unable to do something for the family. They cultivate the idea that they are bad children, no matter what they do. In adulthood, this leads to self-identification problems.
   
   What do you do?Homework should not take up more time than study and entertainment. The same goes for an adult: you should do no less for yourself than for your family. Proving this to toxic parents is difficult, but possible. The main thing is to realize this yourself and defend your rights.
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Humiliating parents
   These parents constantly humiliate the child and subject him to harsh criticism. Often, all comments and nagging are groundless. This can manifest itself in the form of sarcasm, insulting nicknames, humiliations, which are issued for care. You need to prepare yourself for real life. And the child is presented under the guise of an innocent joke, and eventually he believes in it.
   
   
   
   This attitude destroys self-esteem and leaves serious emotional trauma. Many children underestimate their successes and believe that they are not capable of anything. Often, such parents transfer their own ambitions to the child and are furious when the child does not fulfill them. Such children often have suicidal tendencies.
   
   What do you do?Find a way to block abuse and humiliation. It's not easy, you have to learn. Don't let me take the initiative in the conversation. If you answer, it's monosyllabic. Don't give in to manipulation and humiliation. Sometimes you even need to separate from your parents in order to improve your life.
   
   
   
   
   
   

These are just some types of toxic parents, but some of the most striking examples. The consequences of such education for adults can be deplorable. Most situations need to work with a therapist, because you can not do anything on your own.

If something like this happens to you, you don’t have to be afraid or ashamed. The most important thing you need to realize is that your parents' behavior is not your fault. You're not responsible for how they behave. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and share your story.

See a specialist, talk to a person who has a similar situation, or find a suitable way to let off steam. Don’t seek excuses for their actions, just accept that they are. You may not be able to change them, but your attitude toward life is. Make your well-being a priority.

We told you how to tell if your parents are toxic. To understand the problem early!

We also talked about who a narcissistic mother is and how to deal with her influence.

We also talked about why it is so important to stop communicating with toxic people and how to do it.

Have you encountered such a problem? What do you think about that?