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20 facts about the education of the family psychologist Michael Labkovsky
The site publishes a compilation of statements of family psychologist with thirty years of experience Michael Labkovsky. In his lectures, Mikhail tells about simple and important things that we often lose sight of trying to "grow from a child of man». < 1. Being unhappy people, you will not be able to so build a relationship with the child, so he was happy. And if the parents are happy, the special and do not do anything.
2. Many people believe that they, the parents, all right, but the problem is only in their children. And surprised when one family grow two completely different child, one self-confident, successful, excellent combat and political, and the other - a notorious loser, always whining or aggressive. And this means that children in many ways felt like a family, and someone of them did not have enough attention. Someone was more sensitive and more in need of love, and the parents did not notice.
3. Make sure that the child was dressed, shod and fed - it is care, not education. Unfortunately, many parents believe that care enough.
4. How do you communicate with the child in his childhood, so he will go with you in your old age.
5. The school should teach not only mathematics and literature, as life itself. From the school, it is important to get not so much theoretical knowledge, many practical skills: the ability to communicate, build relationships, to answer for himself - his words and deeds, to solve their problems, negotiate and manage their time ... It is these skills help you to feel confident in their adult life and earn a living.
6. Excessive feelings of the child due to poor ratings - it is only a mirror of the reaction of adults. If the parents are quietly respond to deuce or failure in the sport, even to some failures if the parents smile, saying: "My good, do not worry", then the child is calm, stable, necessarily aligned in school and there is a business where he all turns out.
7. If the elementary school your child is unable to cope with the program, if you have a long time to sit with a child on the lessons - the problem is not in the child while at school. It is more difficult - not to better! A child should not overwork trying to catch up with the program made teachers. In the first class on homework should go from 15 to 45 minutes.
8. can be punishing the children, and sometimes even necessary. But we must clearly distinguish between the child and his action.
For example, you previously agreed that before you came home from work he would do the lessons, eat and take away with him. And here you come home and see a picture: a pot of soup is untouched, textbooks clearly not open, on the carpet some paper roll, and wee nose sits in the plate.
The main thing in this moment does not turn into a fury, does not shout about the fact that "all the children of the children," and that of your child will grow zero without a stick.
Without the slightest aggression to the child. Smiling, hug him and say, "I love you very much, but the tablet will not get you a week».
A yell, insult, offense and not to talk - that this is not necessary. Child punished weaning gadgets.
9. Pocket money should be in a child six years already. Not large, but regularly issued amount, which he owns himself. And it is very important that the money does not become a tool for manipulation. No need to monitor what their child is spending, and put the amount in tranches dependent on his performance and behavior.
10. It is not necessary for children to live their lives, to decide what to do and what not, to solve their problems for them, push them with their ambitions, expectations, guidance. You will get old as they live it will be?
11. All over the world to study at universities are only the most intelligent and rich. The rest go to work, look for yourself and earn a college degree. And we have that? ..
12. I am opposed to permanent scrutiny. The child must be sure that the family loved him, respected him and considered him to trust. Here in this case it does not contact with the "bad company" and avoid the many temptations to which peers can not resist the tense situation in the family.
13. When I worked in the school, the Day of Knowledge, said that learning should at least because of the work head pay many times more than the physical work. And to learn, you'll be able to work and get paid for what they themselves love to do.
14. mess in the room of a teenager corresponds to his inner state. So outwardly expressed his spiritual chaos in the world. Well even if it is clean ... Require "restore order" is possible only if the baby stuff spilling out of his room.
15. Foster - not to explain how to live. This does not work. Children develop only by analogy. What is possible and what is impossible, as it is necessary and how it is better not to do children understand not the words of the parents, but only of their actions. Simply put, if the father says that drinking is harmful, and did not dry out - there are many chances that the son would be an alcoholic. It is the most striking example, but more subtle things and adopt children catch no less sensitive.
16. have to talk to children about life in general, not about how we should live. If the parent can talk to your child about the only problem - he has a problem.
17. If the child tries to manipulate the adults - he just neurosis. And we must look for the cause. Healthy people do not manipulate - they solve their problems by acting in a straight line.
18. In a conversation with the child do not criticize it, do not touch his personality, does not go beyond the analysis of his actions. Talk is not about him, but about himself. Do not 'you - bad ", but" I think you're not done. " Use the wording: "I do not like it when you ..." "I do not like it when you ..." "I would like to ...»
19. The child should feel that their parents - is good, but strong people. Who can defend him, he may in some way fail, but always act in their interests and, more importantly, it is very fond of.
via snob.ru/profile/29516/blog/101110
2. Many people believe that they, the parents, all right, but the problem is only in their children. And surprised when one family grow two completely different child, one self-confident, successful, excellent combat and political, and the other - a notorious loser, always whining or aggressive. And this means that children in many ways felt like a family, and someone of them did not have enough attention. Someone was more sensitive and more in need of love, and the parents did not notice.
3. Make sure that the child was dressed, shod and fed - it is care, not education. Unfortunately, many parents believe that care enough.
4. How do you communicate with the child in his childhood, so he will go with you in your old age.
5. The school should teach not only mathematics and literature, as life itself. From the school, it is important to get not so much theoretical knowledge, many practical skills: the ability to communicate, build relationships, to answer for himself - his words and deeds, to solve their problems, negotiate and manage their time ... It is these skills help you to feel confident in their adult life and earn a living.
6. Excessive feelings of the child due to poor ratings - it is only a mirror of the reaction of adults. If the parents are quietly respond to deuce or failure in the sport, even to some failures if the parents smile, saying: "My good, do not worry", then the child is calm, stable, necessarily aligned in school and there is a business where he all turns out.
7. If the elementary school your child is unable to cope with the program, if you have a long time to sit with a child on the lessons - the problem is not in the child while at school. It is more difficult - not to better! A child should not overwork trying to catch up with the program made teachers. In the first class on homework should go from 15 to 45 minutes.
8. can be punishing the children, and sometimes even necessary. But we must clearly distinguish between the child and his action.
For example, you previously agreed that before you came home from work he would do the lessons, eat and take away with him. And here you come home and see a picture: a pot of soup is untouched, textbooks clearly not open, on the carpet some paper roll, and wee nose sits in the plate.
The main thing in this moment does not turn into a fury, does not shout about the fact that "all the children of the children," and that of your child will grow zero without a stick.
Without the slightest aggression to the child. Smiling, hug him and say, "I love you very much, but the tablet will not get you a week».
A yell, insult, offense and not to talk - that this is not necessary. Child punished weaning gadgets.
9. Pocket money should be in a child six years already. Not large, but regularly issued amount, which he owns himself. And it is very important that the money does not become a tool for manipulation. No need to monitor what their child is spending, and put the amount in tranches dependent on his performance and behavior.
10. It is not necessary for children to live their lives, to decide what to do and what not, to solve their problems for them, push them with their ambitions, expectations, guidance. You will get old as they live it will be?
11. All over the world to study at universities are only the most intelligent and rich. The rest go to work, look for yourself and earn a college degree. And we have that? ..
12. I am opposed to permanent scrutiny. The child must be sure that the family loved him, respected him and considered him to trust. Here in this case it does not contact with the "bad company" and avoid the many temptations to which peers can not resist the tense situation in the family.
13. When I worked in the school, the Day of Knowledge, said that learning should at least because of the work head pay many times more than the physical work. And to learn, you'll be able to work and get paid for what they themselves love to do.
14. mess in the room of a teenager corresponds to his inner state. So outwardly expressed his spiritual chaos in the world. Well even if it is clean ... Require "restore order" is possible only if the baby stuff spilling out of his room.
15. Foster - not to explain how to live. This does not work. Children develop only by analogy. What is possible and what is impossible, as it is necessary and how it is better not to do children understand not the words of the parents, but only of their actions. Simply put, if the father says that drinking is harmful, and did not dry out - there are many chances that the son would be an alcoholic. It is the most striking example, but more subtle things and adopt children catch no less sensitive.
16. have to talk to children about life in general, not about how we should live. If the parent can talk to your child about the only problem - he has a problem.
17. If the child tries to manipulate the adults - he just neurosis. And we must look for the cause. Healthy people do not manipulate - they solve their problems by acting in a straight line.
18. In a conversation with the child do not criticize it, do not touch his personality, does not go beyond the analysis of his actions. Talk is not about him, but about himself. Do not 'you - bad ", but" I think you're not done. " Use the wording: "I do not like it when you ..." "I do not like it when you ..." "I would like to ...»
19. The child should feel that their parents - is good, but strong people. Who can defend him, he may in some way fail, but always act in their interests and, more importantly, it is very fond of.
via snob.ru/profile/29516/blog/101110
