Site publishes an article by a family psychologist, columnist "Snob" magazine, Michael Labkovsky dedicated to the topic of freedom of desire, inner emancipation and care - care to the most sebe.Tak Historically, people in Russia at the physiological (not to mention I mention psychological) level are not able to make their free choices in life and follow it without remorse and reproaches of relatives.
Well, and as a consequence, the first of my "Six Rules Labkovsky» - «Do only what you want» raises many questions, doubts and even indignation. Every day I am faced with misunderstanding and resistance on this item. I hear that you want to live as - it is impossible, it is dangerous and harmful, selfish and contrary to all the rules of right of peaceful coexistence. What is fundamentally wrong.
We all know these people - Posada - sit, put - standing. Put - lie. There are many, they are the majority, especially among those over 40. They do not hear their desires or even do not have them. Wish them or suppressed, or concealed. And if they do not live, but only solve the problems one by one. Year after year. If problems suddenly come to an end, they begin to invent them - with problems more comfortable and clearer
The main feeling in their life - a sense of duty. The key word - the word "must". The main fear - what if something happened
A person such as if all the time playing poker.
Installation, given to them by their parents, is that if you live as you want, then for sure it will have to pay. (My parents had their own historical, social, hereditary reasons, they should not be to blame, but now is not about that). As a result, even at the stage barely outlines the happiness a person begins to fear that soon all over, and then will be worse than it was.
Therefore, when you have to choose, they choose something safe, neutral, no. Institute, where there is less competition, and close to home, work, where there will be a lot of demand, not to marry that girl, which passionately in love, and the one that is guaranteed to not go to another. (Output is not of a loved one, but for reliable). And lead a boring, monotonous life, practicing scenarios - social, parent. Learn, work, raise children, go hiking in the summer, winter - in the theater. Not because they want it, but because from their point of view, and should look "normal" life.
One of the medical consequences of the lack of desire is asthenic syndrome, fatigue, loss of tone. And its extreme expression - depression. When a person or do not want anything, or just wants to lie down and die (with suicidal depression). And in fact, some carried out in this state most of his life. Every day they overcome something, something struggling and believe that this is the only way to overcome the earthly vale.
People for the most part did not get pleasure out of life, and this, I believe, a great tragedy. The whole country, millions of people live without knowing what happens in a different way, without drama, violence against yourself, no total guilt and shame.
Most internal "right" so dominates all the rest - on the "want to" dream "," can ", that when they do what they want, then feel worse than when they do what you must. It is hard neurotics who live with great anxiety in his soul. They have suppressed not only desire, but also any emotion.
And the reason for all this - cold insensitive parents who ignored, not respect, do not attach any importance to the wishes of the child. From the same family for the traditional Russian willingness to obey, to be humiliated, humbled, to endure hardship. As with the confidence that their present opinion does not mean anything, and nobody cares. For us, this is nothing new, because in childhood we all were. Like our parents ...
We - unfree society of people for whom a common misfortune and depression - the norm In Russia, because even the fear that good.. There is a national idea that "for the good" will have to pay. A concern about the fact that you would pay soon - is a national emotion. All and want zamorochitsya directly during orgasm! So let's tear this vicious circle, interrupt the chain of dislike and lack of freedom that starts right in the womb. Never too late to do so. And it's time.
Whatever it was - if you, too, with the wishes of the problem, try to train them. Start small. Sitting at the table, do not start there until you decide exactly what you want, to begin in small ways. Dedicate this time, think over what your favorite color, your favorite movie, book ... Mini or maxi? Tea or coffee? Boiled or pouch? Remember that the desire to have nothing to do with rationality, logic, "the right choice". This choice can not be wrong.
Re-learn to listen to and hear himself rather than go on about other people's desires. Develop your abilities and talents, implement their own little ideas, dreams and goals. Do not be afraid to be bad in the "collective" eyes - this is your life! Surrounding by and large you do not care - they have their own ...
We all envy the people who come to the store, take the thing off the rack and immediately go to the cashier. And then at the cash register in a new disguise. We admire them and want them to children. For this confidence and certainty applies to the rest of their life, profession, place of work, place of residence, choosing a partner, and the brand of car ...
As such they are grown? They just give a child the right to vote and the right to choose, they knew from an early age that their desire for significant others and to the world that their desires are adequate and feasible, their desires usually materialize! Do this in relation to your children, trust them, and they will have a chance ...
Another problem when too many desires and you just can not stop at any of them. To deal with the ambivalence of only having aimed to bring his every desire (absurdly) to its full implementation. Decided - hold. Gathered with his girlfriend to the movies at 20.00? But you called and invited to have a drink? No, you're going to the movies, and any "newly discovered facts" can not serve as a reason for the change in plans.
If you are going to keep this strategy long enough otvyknet rush, you start to make decisions more carefully and adhere to them would not be working for you. The result depends on how you are affected by their own "surprise and contradiction" how you got throwing and a lot of things in the closet that you bought inexplicably and so not once wore ...
Can attend lectures, read clever books and articles in facebook, but there are things that just need to start doing. In this case - it is necessary specifically to do what he wants and let it be, that is