site contains excerpts from the lecture Michael Labkovsky devoted to the fact that most of our psychological problems from childhood. Their problems must be solved, and the children do not try to impose their own neuroses, psychological advice. < 1. Many see themselves as introverts, but introverts, they were not always. Just as a child they tried to share with Mom and Dad their secrets and then found out that it is not interesting (heard about once, leave me alone and do not bother me) . Hence the habit to experience all the confidence and belief that they, and especially their problems - no one needs.
2. The sense of security that the child should receive a child - the main condition of his future mental health and life without neuroses.
But what kind of security can there be if the parents are aggressive or unpredictable predictably negative? They always bad. The atmosphere in the family - the expectation of disaster. right now Something's Got to Give. Fall, break it, the poison will die from the infection, "by KAMAZ get, he will smear on the asphalt," not to go to college - will work as a loader in the "Pyaterochka».
That's where they - "small" psychological trauma! Their reason - not necessarily in a red-hot iron or incest. Negative remarks deeply hurt by the fact that the constantly repeated. You know, there are European torture - rack, beatings, and there are Chinese when immobilized person, for example, tickle feather until he goes mad. There is the same difference.
3. Most psihotravm between the ages of 3 to 5 years.
4. Disposable psychological trauma is when: a child left in a dark room, and he was afraid; He knocked over the boiling water; Mom and Dad were divorced; Funeral grandmother and other common everyday stories, including violence - psychological, physical, sexual.
5. There are psychological trauma repeated when the child lives among neurotics, who every day suffer or are aggressive, unpredictable, uncertain, and so on. d. Or in a kindergarten or school, it is etched, offend, that is repeated Location.
6. Not all children are equally responsive to the trauma. One child psyche can be stronger, the other weaker. In someone and serious tragedy leaves no trace, and someone for life injured kitten death.
Once I had to explain to a 7-year old child that is bred to help him cope with psychotrauma. I say:
- You're in what class you learn?
- In the first.
- You do any of the girls like?
- Yes. Lisa.
- And I went to kindergarten?
- You met there with Lisa?
- No, there I was Lena.
- And where is she now?
- Well I'll explain! I'm already at the school where I know where Lena?
- Here. And dad had a lifetime to live with your mother, is that it?
Then he stopped crying, stopped receiving, went to his parents, who were waiting in the corridor and said, I understood everything went ...
7. Stability, comfort, trust - that should get the children from their parents in the first place. If the parents are aggressive, humiliated, criticized the child, he, of course, undermines the credibility of life in general and people in particular. I have one friend who says specifically: people hate. Matches dogs, cats, and it is clear why: the animals did not betray it, and my father gave.
8. A lot of people suffer from communication problems: they find it difficult to come to the next, to say something, to convey their thoughts and emotions, and the result is difficult to realize themselves. And why? And because they are already approaching 4 years for drunken mother, and she spoke clearly about the inappropriateness and children's issues, and about the inappropriateness of the child in this world. And she did this many times. Now 30, the boy, and it's clear that he does not even think there is a trust communicating with someone else.
9. psihotravmy primarily generates feelings of fear and anxiety, which results in a phobias, panic attacks, and mistrust of the people.
10. If you take a full family, but neurotic and family without a father, from a psychological point of view, the second clearly preferable.
11. Yes, the roots of many problems from childhood. But my parents, they are what they are. They raised you as best they could. You change it, it is necessary to change yourself! - Rewrite the script for children, grow from it.
If you do not want to psychological trauma were your children, behave so that they were not afraid of you, that you were predictable, so that through you they feel confidence in life. Stay if you do not close, then available to you could always call, share something, ask. And if the child something you said, try not to interrupt him and not to give advice, but just listen.
12. If you
unable to trust anyone else; do not know how to express their feelings; emotionally suppressed ("I can not fall in love", "I do not feel anything" ); can not be realized either in the family or in the profession; do not want to (or afraid) to have children; you have a tendency to depression, etc. . d.
It is important that you know that do not have a lifetime to pay for his unhappy childhood. And almost all fixable.
Author Michael Labkovsky of the lecture "On children's psychological trauma." Source Snob