505
The story of how just one phrase helped save marriage
Family life is not always a happy and serene. But try to make it better than the power of each of us, a well-known American author Richard Paul Evans. Website and Psychologies totally agree.
- My oldest daughter Jenna recently told me: "When I was little, I was most afraid that you and Mom divorce. But when I turned 12, I decided that maybe it's for the best - you are constantly swearing! "Smiling, she added," I'm glad you guys still get along ».
For many years my wife and Carey were fierce battles. Looking back, I do not really understand how we ever managed to get married - our characters are not well suited to each other. And the longer we lived in a marriage, the more manifest contradictions. Wealth and fame did not make our life easier. On the contrary, the problems have only intensified. We quarreled so often that it is difficult to imagine a peaceful life together. We now and then snapped at each other and both carefully hid the pain of the stone fortress that was erected around their hearts. We were on the verge of divorce and discussed it more than once.
I was on tour when the dam burst. We have just once again fiercely quarreled over the phone and hung up Ceri. I felt rage, impotence and profound loneliness. I realized that he had reached the limit - the more I do not bear.
Then I turned to God. Or hit God. I do not know whether to call it a prayer that I screamed in fury at those moments, but they are etched in my memory forever. I was in the shower at the Atlanta and cried to God that this marriage - a mistake and more I can not live. Yes, I hate the idea of divorce, but the pain of living together tortured me. Also rage I felt confused. I could not understand why we are so difficult to Keri together. In my heart I knew that my wife - a good man. And I'm a good person. So why do we fail to build relationships? Why I married a woman whose character is not suitable as mine? Why did not she want to change?
In the end, hoarse and broken, I sat down on the floor right in the heart and burst into tears. From the darkness of despair came inspiration: you can not change it, Rick, you can only change yourself. The next day, on the doorstep waiting for me cold wife, who did not deign to look at me and meeting. That night, as we lay in our bed so close to each other and yet so far away, I realized that I needed to do.
The next morning, still in bed, I turned to Kerry and asked:
- < How can I make your day better?
Carey looked at me angrily:
- What?
- How can I make your day better?
- No - she snapped. - Why do you ask?
- Because I'm serious - I said. - I just want to know, how do I make your day better.
She looked at me cynically:
- You wanna do something? Well, then wash the kitchen.
It seems that his wife thought I was going to explode with anger. I nodded, "Okay».
I got up and cleaned up the kitchen.
The next day I asked the same thing:
- How can I make your day better?
- Remove the garage.
I took a deep breath. I have the day affairs was up to his neck, and I realized that my wife said it on purpose to annoy me. So tempted to flare up in response.
Instead I said, "Okay." I stood up, and the next two hours to clean and put in order the garage. Carey did not know what to think. It's the next morning.
- How can I make your day better?
- Nothing! - she said. - You can not do anything. Please stop it.
I replied that I could not because vowed. "How can I make your day better?" - "Why are you doing this?" - "Because you are precious to me. And our marriage to me too expensive ».
The next morning I asked again. And the next. And the next. Then, in the middle of the second week, a miracle happened. When my question eyes filled with tears Carey and she began to cry. Reassured, his wife said: "Please stop asking me that question. The problem is not you, it's me. I know with me seriously. I do not understand why you still stay with me ».
I gently took her chin to look straight in the eye. "Because I love you - I said. - How can I make your day better? "" I should be asking you. " "I must, but not now. Now I want to change. You should know how much you mean to me. " My wife put her head on my chest. "I'm sorry I behaved so badly." "I love you" - I said. "And I love you, - she said. - How can I make your day better? "Kerry looked at me tenderly:" Maybe we stopping here alone for a while? Just you and me". I smiled: "I would like that very much!" I continued to ask more than a month. And the relationship has changed. Stop fighting. Then his wife began to ask: "What do you want me to do? How do I become a better wife for you? »
The wall between us collapsed. We started to talk - openly and thoughtfully - about what we want from life and how we can make each other happy. No, we have not solved all the problems at once. I can not even say that we have never quarreled. But the nature of our quarrels changed. They began to happen less and less, they do not seem to have enough of an evil power that was before. We deprived them of oxygen. None of us did not want to hurt the other.
Over time, I realized that our story has an illustration of a much more important lesson about marriage. The question "How can I make your day better?" Is to ask everyone who is in a relationship. This is true love. Novels about love usually boil down to love languor and "they lived happily ever after," but "happily ever after" is not born out of lust possess and belong to a loved one. In real life, love is not to feel like a somebody, but truly and deeply wish him luck - sometimes even to the detriment of our own. True love is not to make the other person your copy. It is to expand our own capabilities - to exercise patience and care for the well-being of a loved one.
I do not want to say that our experience with Carey work for each pair. I'm not even sure that all couples on the verge of divorce, you should definitely save their marriage. But I am infinitely grateful for the inspiration that came to me that day in the form of a simple question. I am grateful that I still have a family, and my wife wakes up next to me in bed each morning. And I am happy that even now, decades later, from time to time one of us turned to the other and asks, "How can I make your day better?" It is worth waking up in the morning.
Photo for preview: focusfeatures
via www.focusfeatures.com/
