Typical phrases of Soviet parents, which are now considered terrible (and we grew up so much)

As an only daughter raised by a mother, I can say that the approach of a parent is of great importance. And I'm not just talking about success in life, but about the fact that it directly depends on the satisfaction of this life. My mother used to say, “I made you a man.” Often forgetting to mention that it cost me a lot of money from the therapist, but much later, when I realized that my psyche just got stuck with the birth of a child. I especially remembered all her teaching phrases that had sat in me all these years, poisoning my existence.

What was important to her in the first place? So that I don’t grow up stupid, so that I can support myself, so that no one will offend me. She wanted to make my life work out well without her. No one at all. And my personal happiness and the meaning of such a life were pushed into the background as things too ephemeral, as if they did not exist at all in adulthood. You think I'm the only one? Every second person my age! And I swore to my children that I would never in my life tell one of those seemingly innocuous phrases that my mother loved to utter.

Raised by a mother: what do popular phrases for parenting lead to

The point is that it is important to understand that the child, coming into this world, is a creature absolutely dependent. His understanding of what is right is proportional to the reaction he gets from his parents. He literally feeds on parental love and will do anything to get it.

If you deprive a child of this love or give him the wrong reactions, you will grow a very dependent person. Such a person will bend to the opinion of others and loved ones, just to get a drop of their love and attention. In my case, it happened with my husband, now an ex.

I am tired of being in a codependent relationship. I was always on the same rake until I went to a specialist and figured out what was going on. It happened when he once again left me and disappeared for several days, probably sleeping at his mistress’s. With the onset of pregnancy, I realized that I do not want my daughter such a father and such a life.



Unsplash Now, when I got back on my feet and came out of lingering postpartum depression, my baby and I often play on the court. And my hair just stands on end when I hear from women my age those same phrases from childhood! Absolutely heartless and necessary only to suppress the emotions of the child. You think they invented them? No way. It is a scourge that has been passed down from generation to generation.

Phrase #1: "Stop crying"

It’s easy to tell someone to stop crying, but it won’t have the right effect on an adult. That's good for a little kid. A parent is an adult, an authority. And if you add a strict note in your voice, it turns out that crying is generally bad and fraught with some bad consequences. In the end, the child You have to swallow a lump in your throat and pretend that you don’t want to cry. How cool is that?

If the child is already more mature, even smart, then he will regard this phrase as follows: my mother does not need my tears, my mother does not like me like this, my mother, maybe does not love me at all. Meanwhile, the problem is that our entire generation does not know how to help a crying person. Tears cause discomfort. But it's very simple. If a child cries because he fell or was hurt, just be there and support. Hugs are the best cure for tears.



If your child is manipulating you, such as asking you to buy a toy, just ignore it. Do not say anything to show that his manipulations do not affect you. From the phrase “stop crying”, it will only start to pour even louder, because you reacted, which means the trick works.

Phrase #2: "As peas against the wall"

My mother loved to say it in my heart when I forgot to do something. First of all, what does it have to do with peas? To a child, these metaphors are an empty sound. But the tone and the situation in which you apply it says a lot. This is primarily a phrase about anger. Irritation and anger are not the best companions in education. They do not teach anything, but only frighten the child or reject him.

If a child repeats the same mistake over and over again, then it is necessary to look for other ways to convey information to him. No peas will help here. Sometimes kids forget why they need to do something they don’t like. Try to show the positive side of the process, namely why do what you ask.



Unsplash Phrase #3: If everyone jumps off the roof, will you jump? ?

My favorite. Does it bother you that when asked to buy something like everyone else’s, you might hear this innocent phrase about suicide? It's so familiar to us. But there’s absolutely no logic to it: why, if I want colored tights like everyone else’s, would I jump off the roof?

Usually the child asks for something rather harmless. Toy, like everyone else, clothes or later piercing. Most often, parents are just harmful and do not want to spend money on meaningless nonsense, which is extremely important for the socialization of a small person. Imitation is one way of communicating. Without it, you risk isolating your child.

This does not mean that you should indulge him in everything he asks. But sometimes you do. And certainly do not justify your refusal by jumping from the roof.



Unsplash Phrase #4: "Spit and wipe!"

Or another variation of it: "Spit and forget." They usually say that if a small thing is lost. Well, as in my case, with unhappy love (and such examples of relationships I have a car and a small cart). Every time I yelled at someone, my mom would say, "Spit and wipe!" I mean, it wasn't worth anything at all, some kind of eyeglass. And for me, that spectacle could be the center of the universe.

In general, the devaluation of experiences from the high bell tower of adulthood. You know, I've always been amazed at how grown-ups expect their kids to react the same way they do. The result is pseudo-adulthood, a set of attitudes inherited from parents in parts. Not cultivated by the individual, but established. Living with such crutches is very difficult, and treating them is expensive.

Phrase #5: "Because I said so."

The parent is the navel of the earth, and the child revolves around it. Sometimes parents are too lazy to explain to their children why they did this. It's a very dangerous language. It is usually paired with “grow up, understand”. Like it doesn't matter now. When does it matter?



Children can ask up to 500 questions a day, and all of them are important. It's not a fad, it's a learning that's genetic. If you’re not ready to answer each one, you may not be ready for kids.

Phrase #6: “All children are like children, and you....”

And here I am, my own daughter. For some reason, I am not as interesting and pleasant to my mother as other children. It is the manipulation of the very mechanism that defines the parent as the primary value. What if the parent goes to other children? At an older age, such phrases make you feel flawed.

Agree, even an adult is unpleasant to hear such a thing: "All wives are like wives, and you ... ".

Phrase #7: “I sacrificed so much for you.”

Children are always a sacrifice. Your time, your career, sometimes even your relationships. It is not the child who chose to be born, it is you who chose to have the child, and the responsibility for the sacrifice lies with the adult.



Unsplash No. 8: “You won’t get up until you finish.”

Don't leave the table until you're finished. Or other parental concerns about feeding their children. The main thing here is not to worry and remember: a living organism will not starve itself, this is unnatural. Children are very sensitive to this. They may be malnourished compared to us, and then, feeling hungry, eat a large portion. And that's perfectly normal.

And if you try to control this process, you can reward the child with an eating disorder.

Phrase 9: “You have nothing of your own.”

I confess that my mother never told me, we had everything with her. But I know that many of my peers have been blamed for living in a shared home. Although it is rather strange to poke the nose of a person who has not yet had the opportunity to earn something.

Phrase #10: Here I am at your age.

At my age, to be absolutely exaggerated, some women have already become great-grandmothers. So I’m not going to tell my daughter what she should do, it’s going to be a different era. I hope she grows up in a better world than the one I grew up in.



Unsplash I really wanted a baby and it was a difficult decision for me. But you know what helps me? That at least I won't make my parent's mistakes. I am happy that I was able to move away from the attitude and become a normal mother. However, no, no, and sometimes we argue with the ladies on the court, which method of education is better: old school or new. What do you think?