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Why I won't marry again
The television series "girlfriends Guide to divorce" with Lisa Edelstein in the lead role critics are calling "the best show about female friendships after the "Sex in the city". And for good reason. Many women in their 30-40 years go through breakups with partners who are distant and happy wedding day seemed perfect.
But what happens after the divorce? All, or almost all, expect an early entry into remarriage. And you are surprised to find that you do so well. Even wonderful!
Author and journalist Julie Clow, a supporter of anti-conventional ideas about marriage and work, illustrates by example why remarriage is not your only choice.
Once I was married. When I say this, people immediately clarify: how old are you? "Eleven years," I answer, and that answer satisfies them: for this period a person may understand what marriage is and how it works.
When I got divorced, I was about 30 years old, now I'm over 40 and I am more approved in the thought that he would never marry. And not because I have no possibilities. Since my divorce I have had two (or three depending on how you count) great and lasted quite a long love story. But every time I was convinced that marriage to me does not make sense for several reasons.
1. I don't want more children
I have a wonderful, wonderful daughter, who is already an adult, and I absolutely do not want to have any more children. So marriage as a reason to have a child — not for me.
2. Marriage seems to me a relic of the past
Once upon a time, the family was the unit of society and contributed to the economic progress that served as a safe environment education for children. Now, each of the two adults has its own independent income, and if no children, then what is the point to put the stamp in the passport?
3. I don't want to adapt someone else's solution
Me hard enough with my own decisions, I don't want to adjust ourselves to anyone: to buy and cook differently, to watch other programs on TV to make someone's preferences. I have a wonderful rhythm of life, sometimes it is chaotic, but I'm my own boss. I'm not saying that people can't coexist together in a wonderful unity, no. Can. But grinding takes a lot of time, and now I don't want to waste my energy on it.
4. I value my independence
I am not attracted to the idea of a common money, distribution costs, and so on. I love my job and still do a lot of other work besides writing. If my partner not working as much, I wouldn't want his offense for this reason. And in the worst case, the divorce I will lose a lot of money. I want to spend my money on things that are important to me.
5. I'm the realist
People change. A romantic image of love is beautiful, often it seems to us that the best way to Express our deep feelings is to go for someone married. But my experience: we meet awesome people, we enrich each other with experiences and impressions, and then we change, and know ourselves better. It is foolish to think that people can be all together forever.
6. I'm happy to be single
I like to meet someone, but I realized how happy to be single. Many people marry because they fear loneliness. But I have plenty of evidence of my "happy" and when I'm alone. That is, I am happy and of itself, and in a relationship but when the relationship sours — I'm terribly, terribly unhappy.
Also interesting: WHEN and HOW not to get married— 13 tips
Guest marriage — and married, no
Society tells us that we must marry to "settle down", become more responsible. We are afraid of: you'll live alone and die alone, the only pity is that marriage does not guarantee that this will not happen. For an independent and fulfilled life in marriage is neither the only nor the best choice. For some people, maybe, but I'm going to live alone — happily ever after.published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: womo.ua/pochemu-ya-ne-hochu-snova-zamuzh/
But what happens after the divorce? All, or almost all, expect an early entry into remarriage. And you are surprised to find that you do so well. Even wonderful!
Author and journalist Julie Clow, a supporter of anti-conventional ideas about marriage and work, illustrates by example why remarriage is not your only choice.
Once I was married. When I say this, people immediately clarify: how old are you? "Eleven years," I answer, and that answer satisfies them: for this period a person may understand what marriage is and how it works.
When I got divorced, I was about 30 years old, now I'm over 40 and I am more approved in the thought that he would never marry. And not because I have no possibilities. Since my divorce I have had two (or three depending on how you count) great and lasted quite a long love story. But every time I was convinced that marriage to me does not make sense for several reasons.
1. I don't want more children
I have a wonderful, wonderful daughter, who is already an adult, and I absolutely do not want to have any more children. So marriage as a reason to have a child — not for me.
2. Marriage seems to me a relic of the past
Once upon a time, the family was the unit of society and contributed to the economic progress that served as a safe environment education for children. Now, each of the two adults has its own independent income, and if no children, then what is the point to put the stamp in the passport?
3. I don't want to adapt someone else's solution
Me hard enough with my own decisions, I don't want to adjust ourselves to anyone: to buy and cook differently, to watch other programs on TV to make someone's preferences. I have a wonderful rhythm of life, sometimes it is chaotic, but I'm my own boss. I'm not saying that people can't coexist together in a wonderful unity, no. Can. But grinding takes a lot of time, and now I don't want to waste my energy on it.
4. I value my independence
I am not attracted to the idea of a common money, distribution costs, and so on. I love my job and still do a lot of other work besides writing. If my partner not working as much, I wouldn't want his offense for this reason. And in the worst case, the divorce I will lose a lot of money. I want to spend my money on things that are important to me.
5. I'm the realist
People change. A romantic image of love is beautiful, often it seems to us that the best way to Express our deep feelings is to go for someone married. But my experience: we meet awesome people, we enrich each other with experiences and impressions, and then we change, and know ourselves better. It is foolish to think that people can be all together forever.
6. I'm happy to be single
I like to meet someone, but I realized how happy to be single. Many people marry because they fear loneliness. But I have plenty of evidence of my "happy" and when I'm alone. That is, I am happy and of itself, and in a relationship but when the relationship sours — I'm terribly, terribly unhappy.
Also interesting: WHEN and HOW not to get married— 13 tips
Guest marriage — and married, no
Society tells us that we must marry to "settle down", become more responsible. We are afraid of: you'll live alone and die alone, the only pity is that marriage does not guarantee that this will not happen. For an independent and fulfilled life in marriage is neither the only nor the best choice. For some people, maybe, but I'm going to live alone — happily ever after.published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: womo.ua/pochemu-ya-ne-hochu-snova-zamuzh/
