Stop trying to be 'good' and like all

You are not the ruble to all nravitsyaPishet popular American author and blogger Kyle Matthews:

All my life I was perceived as a "good" girl. Mainly because I was shy and quiet. Everything in the garden was told that I a nice kid, and that's it.




Looking back, I realize now, how bad can affect a person's life derived from childhood setting "We have to please everybody».

When you try to be good for all of you, eventually, cease to be yourself, do what you want, and begin to allow people to hurt you, just because you can not find the strength to send them. The desire to be perfect "good" may eventually break you.

If you are "good," you never let anyone criticize and try not to tell people bad things. Your speech is made up of some compliments, and when someone comes to mind to ask your own opinion, you answer something like "matter" or "yes, however, it does not matter," or "I do this not mean».

To be a really good friend, a colleague, a leader, you need to share ideas, and not just listen to others h4> The problem is that the more you repeat the "matter" in relation to their own feelings, the less important they begin to seem yourself. You discount your own opinion.

Recently, people close to me pointed to the fact that I never express my opinion, and that they see it as a lack of confidence on my part. They thought that I was so ill at ease in their company, I could not clearly answer them even the simplest questions.

I always try to be nice to everyone. Never wanted to be a very strange girl in the company, therefore I attached great importance the opinions of others than his. But to be really good friend, a colleague, a leader, you should also share ideas, not just listen to others.

I found one way that has helped me to see a new friendship, a job, and even the collective hobby, I made a list of things that do not like and do not like to do. And the most useful starting point - to learn to express their own opinions.

Excessive courtesy of doing "good" people less chestnymStarayas be overly "good", you often have to fib - for example, so as not to offend the interlocutor. Research conducted at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, have shown that people are often forced to speak the truth because of certain circumstances, more vulnerable to disease. Those participants who had to lie less, practically ceased to complain of headaches and feel the emotional tension.

"Good" people seem passivnymiEsli you constantly say only nice things, trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, while forgetting about their own opinions, you will seem boring and passive person. Believe me, if your friends and colleagues would like to agree with them constantly, they have talked with the mirror.

It is important to understand that if the people turn to you, it means they want to hear what you think it is you.

Too "good" people equated poslushnymNedavnee study published by Journal of Personality, showed that "good" people often carry out orders more authority figures, even if these instructions can cause someone pain.

People are less amenable to manipulation and prone to controversy, have a more solid principles and refuse to harm the innocent.

"Good" people praise others nezasluzhennoEto great - to praise people for important achievements, but if you do not think someone act as such, praise can go to the detriment of your relationship. You not only do not share your opinion of the present, but also run the risk of hurt self-esteem of man, when he realizes that you lied to him.

If you really do not like it, but you want to be polite, emphasize: «this is just my personal opinion» h4> In any area where needed leadership, it is important to focus on how to be a strong leader, not "good" for all man. This does not mean that you have to behave like a moron, you just do not have to treat the emotions of others, as a crystal vase.

For myself, I found a great way to give constructive criticism, it does not show a bitch. The method is called "sandwich" - first, I sincerely compliment, referring to the situation, then there is criticism, then again approving statement or honest praise. If you really do not like it, but you want to be polite, emphasize: "This is only my personal opinion».

On the "good" people often obizhayutsyaKak Ironically, your attempts to be constantly "good" in the eyes of the public can seriously annoy others. In addition, the desire to please everyone - the cause of stress, overworked, and resentment of people, you take on the load of its own affairs, that you have failed.

In fact, as shown by one study, people do not like the two extremes - too selfish and too good people. In particular, some participants in the experiment did not like overly generous members, because they "put them in a bad light».

The purpose of my article - not to convince you that good people are worse than bad (the world is not divided into black and white), and to remind please everybody is simply impossible, therefore, reduce the efforts in this matter, and direct its energy to the benefit of themselves.

via factroom.ru

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