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We stayed in an age where we nedolyubili
The psychologist Irina Parfenov that all the problems of our adult life from childhood in which we nedolyubili
In the adult world, you need to:
to take responsibility for their lives, and sometimes for the lives of others;
make choices, sometimes in difficult situations;
risk;
competition;
work hard to reach;
take yourself and not expect that others will.
~ Maleychuk Gennady Ivanovich
I often meet with people who are 20, 30, 40 years old, but it is externally. And in there they seemed to remain in early childhood and are still waiting for love that did not dopoluchili. And stay there for as long as their own not learn to find satisfaction in itself.
We are still at an age where we nedolyubili.
In every age its needs, which means the care and love of parents every year have their own characteristics.
As an infant begins to develop trust, so the love for a child is sensitive about his mother's care needs. If at this age the mother was unreliable, rejected child, etc., it can generate suspicion and fear for their well-being.
In adult life with these people hard to make contact, relations are often subjected to partner testing and checking on trust. In a relationship may feel helpless and vulnerable.
Later, in about 2-3 years, the child learns to be autonomous and self-developing. If the parents interfere with development in these areas, for example, eagerly and persistently do what a child could do it myself, or, on the contrary, expect action to make their own child is not able to - develop a sense of shame. And if parents are constantly over-watch over the child and thus remain blind to his true needs, there is a doubt in his ability to control the world and mastery.
Even as adults, these people instead of to be sure, think that they are treated more carefully and with suspicion and disapproval. Also they can appear obsessive-compulsive symptoms or paranoid fear of persecution.
Love for a child aged 3-6 years is to encourage independent action in support of the initiative, in recognition of the right to intellectual curiosity and creativity. If the parents during this period do not allow your child to act independently, overly punished in response to their needs, develop a sense of guilt.
And then in adulthood such "big kids" do not have enough motivation and determination to set realistic goals and achieve them. In addition, a constant feeling of guilt may cause passivity, impotence or frigidity, and psychopathic behavior.
At school age children formed diligence. If during this period questioned the ability of the child or the status of peers, this may discourage further education, and can also create a sense of inferiority, which subsequently kill confidence in your ability to function effectively and to exist in the world.
If children perceive school achievement and work as the only criterion by which judged on their merits, as an adult, they can become a "labor" in the established society role hierarchy.
I propose to extend a helping hand to his inner child and help him grow. To do this, find your child photo or just imagine a child who lives in you. How old is he? What does he look like? What are you thinking? Who next? What worries him? ..
Talk to him ...
Take a sheet of paper and two pencils of different color, one on the right arm and the other - to the left. If you are right handed, the right hand writing on behalf of myself, adult, and left - on behalf of your inner child. If you are left-handed, on the contrary.
In the dialogue just you and your inner child. Which of you will go to the first contact? How do you start your communication? The responses received to your question may be surprising to you.
Now that you have found a child and entered into conversation with him, the time has come to establish the relationships with him. Communicate with the child inside as much as he wants. Ask what it lacks. Give him what he asks. Call him by name, tell the warm, kind words to express my lyubov.Posovetuyte him something.
Be it so parents, then what you need.
Irina Parfyonova
In the adult world, you need to:
to take responsibility for their lives, and sometimes for the lives of others;
make choices, sometimes in difficult situations;
risk;
competition;
work hard to reach;
take yourself and not expect that others will.
~ Maleychuk Gennady Ivanovich
I often meet with people who are 20, 30, 40 years old, but it is externally. And in there they seemed to remain in early childhood and are still waiting for love that did not dopoluchili. And stay there for as long as their own not learn to find satisfaction in itself.
We are still at an age where we nedolyubili.
In every age its needs, which means the care and love of parents every year have their own characteristics.
As an infant begins to develop trust, so the love for a child is sensitive about his mother's care needs. If at this age the mother was unreliable, rejected child, etc., it can generate suspicion and fear for their well-being.
In adult life with these people hard to make contact, relations are often subjected to partner testing and checking on trust. In a relationship may feel helpless and vulnerable.
Later, in about 2-3 years, the child learns to be autonomous and self-developing. If the parents interfere with development in these areas, for example, eagerly and persistently do what a child could do it myself, or, on the contrary, expect action to make their own child is not able to - develop a sense of shame. And if parents are constantly over-watch over the child and thus remain blind to his true needs, there is a doubt in his ability to control the world and mastery.
Even as adults, these people instead of to be sure, think that they are treated more carefully and with suspicion and disapproval. Also they can appear obsessive-compulsive symptoms or paranoid fear of persecution.
Love for a child aged 3-6 years is to encourage independent action in support of the initiative, in recognition of the right to intellectual curiosity and creativity. If the parents during this period do not allow your child to act independently, overly punished in response to their needs, develop a sense of guilt.
And then in adulthood such "big kids" do not have enough motivation and determination to set realistic goals and achieve them. In addition, a constant feeling of guilt may cause passivity, impotence or frigidity, and psychopathic behavior.
At school age children formed diligence. If during this period questioned the ability of the child or the status of peers, this may discourage further education, and can also create a sense of inferiority, which subsequently kill confidence in your ability to function effectively and to exist in the world.
If children perceive school achievement and work as the only criterion by which judged on their merits, as an adult, they can become a "labor" in the established society role hierarchy.
I propose to extend a helping hand to his inner child and help him grow. To do this, find your child photo or just imagine a child who lives in you. How old is he? What does he look like? What are you thinking? Who next? What worries him? ..
Talk to him ...
Take a sheet of paper and two pencils of different color, one on the right arm and the other - to the left. If you are right handed, the right hand writing on behalf of myself, adult, and left - on behalf of your inner child. If you are left-handed, on the contrary.
In the dialogue just you and your inner child. Which of you will go to the first contact? How do you start your communication? The responses received to your question may be surprising to you.
Now that you have found a child and entered into conversation with him, the time has come to establish the relationships with him. Communicate with the child inside as much as he wants. Ask what it lacks. Give him what he asks. Call him by name, tell the warm, kind words to express my lyubov.Posovetuyte him something.
Be it so parents, then what you need.
Irina Parfyonova
