Be comfortable or to be happy?

Amazing article by Olga Valyaeva that a woman chooses one of two possible way - or be comfortable, or be happy. These roads lead in all directions, each of them we learn different things.

Why Vedic knowledge we do not work? With that face different women, and many are disappointed. Make all the "how to" - the result had some wrong. Sometimes even the opposite of the desired. Why?

Because we have come up with themselves that this woman - a woman comfortable. We hear it so many lectures, that is what we are trying in every possible way to come. Become comfortable the society, her husband and children. The one close to where all good, comfortable. At any cost. Which in any case feed - even if it means it will have to cut off his hand. Which "connect" your child's life, secretly dismissing its own, as stated in a famous poem. Which are all simple, understand, accept and cope with everything. It is desirable in silence and alone. But if these examples are described in the Vedas? These whether women are celebrated there?

We will not delve into it, the sources do not read minds, we often weak to contemplate. We think in cliches and ready-made templates. To the husband earns more - need to stop arguing with him and feeds him. And his wife did not argue (and chokes in all the millions of words and arguments) is preparing hard. But there is no result! Not at all! Sometimes even a husband can "suddenly" to stall his wife, in spite of its "acquiescence." Who is to blame? Of course, the Vedas! Previously, at least not cry, and then there was worse.

And all because we are trying to get comfortable. And at this point, we abandon themselves to suppress their peculiarities, destroying itself from within. And of course, it makes our loved ones to behave in another way. It provokes unpleasant events in life. This is a road in the opposite direction, not to happiness, alas. Because what kind of femininity?

I'll be honest. This woman is inconvenient. She knows what she wants and is not afraid to ask. She has a sense of self-esteem and are not selling. She's emotional. Sometimes too much. She hears herself and her difficult to impose anything against her will. She sees the meaning of life and is not ready to give it up. It is alive. It is not a robot and not a doll. It is unpredictable, impulsive, volatile, emotional. And as a consequence - is inconvenient. It is impossible to predict, to bend under him, it will not work and just use.

It is much more convenient in everyday life that which all drags on itself, even if it is requested to do so. Or the one that is easy to drag to bed without taking responsibility for it, only promising something - or nothing promising. Or the one that wants nothing and asks nothing. Or the one who suppressed the senses and never cries. Or one that can perform the duties of his wife for years, without being a wife and not asking about it for fear of losing. The one that equally with men earn money. The one that always in jeans - and they can do everything you need and do not need. Or the one that suffers any bullying husband. Or one that completely forgot herself and threw. Or the one who does not know how to refuse, which can inspire other people's desires and thoughts. It is really convenient. But can it really love? And whether she herself love really?

For me, probably the best compliment was recently her husband at the airport in Singapore (by the way, on the day we made the whole family 6 hour flight, and all this time I was in a very beautiful sari):

"I look around and see only the friendly women. And you have me so different, so beautiful and so beloved! »

I'm really very inconvenient for her husband. I love to dress up, and I have a lot of dresses. I have not I drag myself any bags, including those with their own clothes. Nearly everywhere and always I in a long dress, which automatically means that my hands are busy, I go slow, I have to shake hands in front of me and open the door. I always need something, I always know what I want. Force me to do something - it is unreal. I am emotional and I can cry because of nonsense, and briefly offended because some jokes. I am very picky eating habits - in addition to the fact that I'm a vegetarian. But it turned out that it makes me even more beloved and valuable for him.

There is a suspicion that a woman chooses one of two possible way - or be comfortable, or be happy. These roads lead in all directions, each of them we learn different things.

To be happy, we must learn to listen to your heart - and follow it. To be comfortable - you need to listen to the views of all around and under it in every possible way to adapt, even if this would not be desirable.
To be happy, we must be willing to learn and make the desired, give and receive love. To be comfortable is necessary to learn to give everything, anything and never asking.
To be happy - it is necessary to disclose the potential that is already within you. To be comfortable enough to do what is commonly and correctly. Even if this is contrary to your own nature.
To be happy, we must be able to refuse. Politely, gently, but to say "no" to everything that does not make you happier. Denying people, employment, food. Comfortable woman agrees that give. What gave and how much was given. Comfortable woman does not know how to refuse.
To be happy, it is sometimes necessary - or even often - to go against the tide. To become a black sheep, seem to someone strange or obsolete. To be comfortable, you can always do what everything does. And even when the head is not necessary to include this.
But most importantly, that the road of happy woman eventually leads to the fact that next to her are happy and everyone else. Next to the woman comfortable no happiness. There may be satisfied by the use of each other's smooth and predictable sense of comfort. And there is no happiness.

Why did we decide that to be happy you need to be comfortable?

How did we get comfortable with you?

1. Children's programs
Most of the parents of any child trying to make living easy. To build walking, eating, give it not to stand out and not argue, listen unconditionally, without shame slept on schedule.

Of course, the parents work difficult. Especially when they are both working. Then it would be desirable to reduce the amount of stress, add predictability. And "live" a child in this case is impeding. And it starts: "Stop exactly", "perebesh", "silent", "listen to what they say", "no matter what you want»

Instead, the child receives a "love" - ​​affection, attention, encouragement. And soak up that love only get "comfortable».

2. Zasluzhivanie love
Another version of the children's script when we are taught that love - is something that must be earned. What we love just nothing to do, and that no one will. Do you want love? Get five, and wash the floor, listen.

Then we begin to believe it. And I think that if everyone in the family will drag on itself, it is obligatory for us to be loving. Be sure to pat on the head, regret, to praise. However, the reality is that the opposite happens. The more you drag - the more dump. And less like.

3. When trying to dress comfortably
The first step in the small betraying yourself - that's the way we dress. We again make a choice - we want to be happy or comfortable? And often choose the latter. But it is worth considering that it was convenient that? Pull, pull, lift, run, keep up? And in this place where our happiness?

We disclaim beautiful dresses that most of us enjoy more than jeans. Because it forces us to dress differently to treat themselves and their appearance, and require thinking about hairstyles and shoes on. Dresses same addictive and it needs more money. For a fee, need more care, they have to be careful. Uncomfortable, right?

Whether business in the pants - climbed there, ran here, even parallel painted door, you can not wash for weeks (no one will notice), iron is also not necessary, you can update every few years. Only now what?

4. When in place to serve, serve and serve starting
Comfortable women - and those who aspire to a comfortable, that's the principle of the service and hear. And embark on the more different things. And because a huge difference. Serving elevates Administering - humiliates. Because in the first case we start from human needs, and the second - from his desires.

Thus if a man to give what he needs, it's not always pleasant. Sometimes, because he needs a bucket of cold water or distance and detachment. Something from which he will be wiser, stronger, cleaner - and, ultimately, happier.

If we try to satisfy all the desires of the person, and not giving him what is required, thus we only corrupts their loved ones, humiliate themselves and lose the opportunity for both of us to be happy.

5. When you lose your dignity in the pursuit of what we think love
Yes, it's again about zasluzhivanii love. The fact that such a model of relations deprives us of self-esteem. Within us there is a huge substitution of notions, and we believe the love we pay for our behavior. Of course, only good and convenient.

But man can and must love anyone. In any state. With any behavior. And the less he now deserves it, the stronger the need to love. But the manifestations of love - may differ.

The model we carry on, on their children. And instead, to teach them to be happy, teach them how to be comfortable. Boys in this place suffered less. They still take a model father and other men software failures.

But the girls, our daughters, they become the next generation in this meat grinder "convenient". With each generation of this concept is expanding. And what seemed before unacceptable - has long been acceptable in our time. And from that, what choice do we have, and it depends on where will our daughters.

And yes, it is very important to make the right choice. And if many years have you go the wrong way, to have the courage to admit it - and turn the other way.

No need to be comfortable. We need to be happy - in blissful sense of the word. Happy enough to happiness is to fill all the space around you. Then the happiness will warm your loved ones, then it will cover your entire home and increase the love in it. And by the way, to be happy in all circumstances - is a lot of work, although at first did not think so. The great work of the soul, of which we had not told anyone. More interesting perhaps now! Most all learn and try.

And yes, finally, let's see what the Srimad-Bhagavatam says about women:

"A virtuous woman should not be greedy and satisfied in all circumstances. It must skillfully lead the household chores and well-known laws religii.Ona should always be careful and neat, and her speech - a pleasant and true. So virtuous woman should love to serve my husband if he unfallen. »

Not a word about the convenience. Only some rules of etiquette and basic skills. But twice it said about the virtues - good fullness. And what woman can be filled with the good? Just happy.

Do you still doubt which road to take?

Olga Valyaeva


See also

New and interesting