- His main achievement in my life I feel the presence of three children. This unequivocal success. Strong leadership in the race alpha males. Someone buys a luxury car, someone - an expensive watch. I have three children. I have all I can walk and tell time by the sun. But you can not! After all, the father of three children all reasonable actions are just waiting. We must be tolerant and positive. "You have three children!" - You must match! "Father of many children" - a status, "bad father" - a reputation.
But it is the man with three children - an outcast in male company. Everyone talks about yesterday's football, and you are silent. You do not support this purely masculine subject ... Because yesterday, when all looked football, you watched season 5 "magic pony." What can you tell your friends? "You know, in yesterday's Queen Chrysalis Series hipishnula with the Princess Cadence near the magic oak. A Princess Cadence no one supported neither Pinkie Pie or Apple Jack! Bespredeeel! "And the boys forget about football - nervous and smoke ...
I do know all these ponies by name. I know the names of all the heroes of cartoons. Believe me. This is useful knowledge. Once in a toy shop is very beautiful girl choose a gift to his niece three years. She did not know what to buy. I stood there, watching her suffering, then casually said, "Take the fairy Flora! You do not know Flora? This is of the dolls Winx! This is true ... No, you do it! It's Blumm! How can I be confused? It's completely different characters! »
With such a view of the lady offered to taste the wine, "rank" Chateau-O-Brion "yield 67-year notes ... feel the joy that played in your chest?»
But I was a puppet sommelier: "Take this doll ... Tear her head off! Feel where you began to play childhood ... »
I produced on the girl impressed. We even exchanged phone numbers. She promised to call and did not disappoint. I called that evening and asked how best to remove drops of colic in infants. She called often. She has many nephews ... Everyone gripes ... Why a wife like you, too, did not believe in this story ...
Father of three children unfamiliar people constantly ask the stupid question: "Wow! You have three! You do not plan on a fourth? »
Usually it is asking women who satisfy their maternal instincts with the help of Chihuahua. They think my wife should give birth to children at all. To solve the demographic problems of Russia. Family paratroopers, which turns off the light in the bedroom, shouting: "No one except us!»
- You have three! It is time the fourth!
- Mmmm! Well, of course! Thank you for reminding me! Hello? Expensive! I hinted here! What a long time we do not start a new baby!
- ABOUT! Dear! Indeed! I was so careless! For four years no one was giving birth! Straight four years down the drain!
I do not understand. Why at a meeting with a man who walks with three children, a desire to speak only on the themes of procreation and fertility? That is, I produce the impression of a man who does no longer interested?
And what this advice: "Oh, you want another boy! Girls also have two! A son of one. He's boring! »
Firstly, it is not boring. And to all those who happened to be near him - not too boring. So it was not boring Russian when they were attacked by Tatar-Mongols. Tatar-Mongols do everything "not boring" 200 years. My son David can make you a "not boring" for 2 minutes. It covers about 50 fun square meters around. He brings joy to people. Twice. The first time they met him, the second time - when he leaves. And no lisp: "Well, you plidesh ische to us?" Just restrained farewell: "Goodbye, David».
David four years. He is not talking very well, but it is ideal negotiator. He always wins all the arguments with me. He always puts the argument about which is broken, any my claim. I can blame him for the mess in the nursery, with the broken glass of the clay, which fed cat ... So I scolded him, even threatened to spank! My son is silent, snorting, but to wait for pauses, says only one sentence: "pisit want." That's all. Training session is over. This argument is reinforced concrete, which also makes me paternal instinct, the instinct of self-preservation and male solidarity.
- David! Scoundrel! Why did you set fire to the curtains ?!
- Pisit want.
That's all. Choose a theme.
Too bad it does not work in our adult world.
- You have mortgage delinquency, and we transfer the case to court!
- Pisit want.
That's all. All we forget about the loan. We are looking for a place that can be marked.
No. I'm not ready for the second boy. Therefore, irritates me, this theory: "You two girls and one boy. Need another boy! »
Nonsense. Children should not be born according to some geometric calculations. "So, we have two girls and one boy. Disorder. Chaos. We need another kid for symmetry! "Children are created in the process, where is the logic, common sense and hard calculation involved the least. If there is no logic, common sense and a solid calculation - the result can not be symmetrical in principle. Look at the "Lada Priora».
Moreover, three children perfectly fit into the design of our apartment. In the case of penalties for each child his corner. The fourth corner is occupied by a floor lamp, and there is my chair. And in this corner well catches vayfay.
My wife thinks I'm a cynic and a pragmatist unromantic. Maybe. Sometimes I notice that my cynicism and pragmatism were transferred to my children. A simple example. Cinderella. Everyone remembers the story? Prince looking for a girl who ran away and his vshtyrilo lost shoe. And Prince is worn with this shoe and promises to marry anyone who would fit the shoe. And all the girls around the world present themselves this very Cinderella and a lifetime waiting for the prince to the shoe. Wait for everything except my eldest daughter. She is a pragmatist, her 11 and she has 36 minutes shoe size.
My genes are saved her psyche, eliminating one of those fools who are waiting for a prince. And she did not expect. She is waiting for her leg to grow to the 37th and it will be able to wear shoes his mother! And I think she will wait for this more quickly than the infantile prince who crush on dwarf.
My youngest daughter Alice - moneymaker. At 6 years old, she loves money. She believes that baby teeth, which she falls, takes a mouse, instead of leaving the money under the pillow. The mouse, which lives in our apartment, not that buying ... Given the number of children in a house of 100 rubles a milk tooth - the normal price. And, in principle, Alice, this price is also arranged. But one day, Alice was visiting grandparents, she lost a tooth and mouse grandfather brought for the tooth "Pyatikhatki." I could not explain to a child why a mouse who lives with his grandfather, so generous. I tried to hint to his grandfather that he rein tranzhiristogo rodent. But grandfather just brushed aside. And now Alice, as is visiting his grandfather, trying to leave as soon as possible with a large number of milk teeth. It scares me. Alice monetizing your body! She already knows how to read and read the recently classified "buy expensive hair." I figured out a long time, what is the length of hair required for this transaction. Now, I'm afraid, and suddenly she finds the price of a kidney?
All my children went walking in a kindergarten. When the elder went, I bought a group of TV and DVD. When the average has gone - I changed 2 toilet in the bathroom. When the time of David, I realized that I can declare competition. Three groups claimed one boy. I was approached by the teacher of one of them and, with a wink, he said: "Maybe, somehow agree?" This was the only case in which I was involved in corruption, where corruption was the subject of my son.
We have agreed to. So David came to kindergarten to 10, has the right not to eat porridge, do not sleep in the afternoon, to choose what kind of a story is to listen to the whole group, and can take home their favorite toys. The kindergarten "Ivushka" was for my son, five-star Turkish hotel, where "all inclusive»!
Being a father is not easy at all. Your children make mistakes, do not behave as if you wanted to, you're nervous, psihuesh, punish them ... but your mother at this moment says to you: "Remember yourself at their age ...»
Mothers always say. And my mother beaten to the point.
... Someone buys a luxury car, some expensive watches. I have three children.
But the point is that the machine is out of date, the hours you drunk donate to strangers, and children will stay with you forever.
Yes! Even the father of three children often says platitudes and gets a little Captain Obvious.