Jokes and a variety of fun

Peasant tanker, tank opening, said in a low voice:
 - Not bad you are currently on a wheelbarrow UTS% ala ...
On the girl, whose hearing is all right, responds:
 - I'll call you kid, they will approach you to your helicopter UTS% eat ...

***

Economist Alexander works 57 hours a week. Simon works as a manager is 8 hours ahead of Alexander.
Negro ... I mean, this ... Afroafrikanets Mganga works as a janitor at the local office of the Red Cross 6:00 with a three-hour break for siesta.
Q - Who are the Negro?

***

It was in a bar in Flanders. Two Russian guy wants to order one pineapple juice (to the bartender they communicate in English). One asks the other:
 - Hey, like in English "Pineapple»?
 - Pineapple
 - (Bartender) One pineapple juice, please!
Bartender another bartender:
 - Zeg, wat betekent «pineapple» in het Engels? (Hey, that means «pineapple» in English?)
 - Ananas

***

There is a meat dish - kebab. In the cafeteria, written on the price tag - Lyulyakov Bab. We all ran the department to look at these "babskie Lyulyakov" - wanted to know what it is.

***

After a stormy night with a chic mistress pretty funny to listen to the explanation to be confused wife as herself on the f @ ny yogurt spilled accidentally.

***

xxx: Yes, I'm at work I open the door down! I was there the coolest!
UUU: You are the most stupid out there, you have to work the automatic doors.

***

on TV morning show:
Concert. Playing Symphony Orchestra. Suddenly some asshole screaming loudly mobile audience.
And what do the musicians? Half a dozen violinists, violists, while continuing to play down the stage, surrounded by this pepper and play, play ...

***

Thomas XIII: I now realized that I have not in vain in school geography was threefold ... Until only recently doperlo me that the Netherlands and the Netherlands - it is the same ...
Ilyich: Nifiga! These are different things. In the Netherlands - flowers and players, and the grass in the Netherlands and geyasy.

***

A good man can not be both healthy and smart. If you do this will fall, to be sure: it is incorrigible bastard.

***

Uncultured people litter, anywhere, and do not even notice, and cultural throw trash in the trash, and really miss suffer from it.

***

Sit two crows, envelop with smoke and observe the actions of the fisherman.
One of them: - Right now receive medical treatment to the fisherman, sit shoulder ask:
"Well Th pecks ?!" He said: "I do not bite." I: "Fuck * d" option ?!
The second raven - Right now receive medical treatment to the fisherman, sit shoulder ask:
"Pecks ?!" Fisherman "bite." I: "Fuck * d" option ?!
The first charge a raven in the sky, swoops down to the fisherman's shoulder and asks:
 - Well, Th, pecks ?!
Fisherman:
 - Come on x * k !!!
 - Hmmm ... Too option !!!

***

Merriko & gt; Blyaya !!! Hair in the shredder jammed!
ixo & gt; nah see =)) web camera is turned off, and no one in the office with a floor can not rise)))))))))))))))))
Merriko & gt; Bitches ... (

***

Soviet planes bombed Berlin. Bombed mercilessly, but
Caution: every pilot knew - there Stirlitz.

***

** Bayan about the Pope and the young man. To remind - live not in vain! **

Pop carefree lounging on the couch pulls out a flask of brandy
MCH at this time pulls out his laptop, and includes
P. darling, the road far, do not want any podkrepitstsa?
MCH. No, you, sir, I do not drink, and I will work all night.
Pop one stroke empties the flask dobreet ...
after a while
P. darling, and then say the restaurant is good, do not go there ASM podkrepitstsa?
MCH. No, you, sir, I'll be working all night and the need to save money
Pop goes away after a couple of hours back happy, tipsy, with a bottle of champagne in their hands ...
after a while
P. dear, here in the next compartment girl charmer, do not go if we poobschatstsa?
MCH. No, you are, I'm married, and I will work all night
Pop goes, back in the morning covered in lipstick, robe askew, dovooolny, plops down on the sofa
MCH. Tell me, sir, votya do not drink, do not smoke, I do not change my wife, tell me, I live righteously?
P. Righteous. BUT nothing!

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