5 questions after which you will know everything about the person

Description: This article explores five strategic questions that provide a deeper understanding of the character and values of any person, whether a friend, colleague or potential partner.



Communication is the key to understanding others, but not always an ordinary conversation allows you to reveal the true “I” of the interlocutor. At the same time, there are questions that make a person leave the comfort zone or, conversely, delve into the innermost corners of consciousness. Professional psychologists, journalists and coaches know that a correctly formulated question can instantly bring to the surface the underlying motives and values of the interlocutor. In this article, we will look at five well-thought-out questions that not only give an opportunity to learn almost everything about a person, but also help to establish a more trusting relationship with him.

Why are the “right questions” important?
Think about it: in a world oversaturated with information, we are used to communicating with stamps. In many ways, this simplifies interaction, but at the same time “locks up” the conversation within the framework of a shallow conversation. According to psychologists and experts in the field of communication, open or provocative questions allow you to see the world through other people's eyes, to understand how a person builds his picture of reality. When we avoid such questions, we often settle for superficial judgments – and risk missing out on something important.
Each question below reveals a certain layer of personality. And the answers will not always sound straightforward and unambiguous; sometimes during the discussion you will hear images, paradoxes and even confusion. All of this is valuable because a person’s true beliefs are often revealed when they have to think deeper than usual.



Main part

1. "What's important to you in life?"
At first glance, the question seems template and too comprehensive. However, it is his uncertainty that makes him so powerful. Some people will immediately say that family is the main thing for them, others will point to their career, and others will point to personal development. Someone will emphasize spiritual or ethical values. In any case, the answer will show the main internal priority of the interlocutor. It can be a fundamental value that guides him in making decisions and planning for the future.

• If a person hesitates, you can ask a clarifying question: “How do you determine what is really important?”
• Pay attention to the emotional coloring of the answer: the person speaks enthusiastically or, conversely, demonstrates skepticism?
• Note that sometimes the interviewer may give a “socially desirable” response. Try to catch the nuances in the intonation.

2. “What was the most difficult decision you had to make? ?
The power of this question is that it brings to light not just values, but the boundaries of moral dilemmas and the experience of facing challenges. A difficult decision often involves risk, conflict of interest, or a choice between several important things. The answer of the interlocutor will show his readiness for responsibility, the ability to admit his mistakes, as well as his ability to overcome difficulties.
If a person answers that they have never faced difficult decisions, this may indicate avoidance of conflict situations. Perhaps he tries to lead a measured life and avoid sharp turns. From the point of view of personality psychology, such “conflict-freeness” sometimes turns into a lack of inner growth and fear of change. And if there are a lot of dramatic details in the story, you will surely understand that a person is prone to open, sometimes risky actions, is ready to take responsibility - and this is a separate feature that helps to better understand the character.

3. How do you usually deal with stress and failure? ?
This question clarifies what adaptation strategies the interlocutor uses when faced with stressful situations. Life is not without difficulties: conflicts at work, crises in relationships, financial problems – everyone has different things. Key point: How does a person react?
The answer can be very informative:

• If the interlocutor says that he prefers to withdraw into himself, we can assume that he is prone to introversion and needs time to think.
• If he mentions the support of friends or turns to specialists (psychologists, coaches), then he values social ties and is not afraid to ask for help.
• A person who immediately goes into active action (sports, extreme, “stormy” activity) may have the character of a decisive “fighter” – or, on the contrary, use the escape from problems in excessive activity.

In any case, the manner of experiencing and overcoming stresses reflects the level of emotional intelligence and plasticity of the personality (see in the Glossary). With this knowledge, it is easier to foresee how the behavior of the interlocutor may develop in critical circumstances.

4. “What achievement are you most proud of? ?
Pride is a strong emotion that is directly related to self-esteem. When we ask about success, a person reveals what he believes is the absolute result of his efforts. For one, it can be a career, for another – raising children, for the third – a victory over personal limitations (for example, getting rid of a bad habit or mastering a new skill in adulthood).
It is important to listen not only to the content, but also tone:

• If the interlocutor says that he is proud of public recognition (for example, awards, medals), the opinion of others is important for him, and he is focused on external awards.
• If a person emphasizes that he has achieved something significant for himself, there is a high probability that his inner reference points (personal growth, self-realization) are in the first place.
• There is also a situation when a person sincerely does not consider himself to have great achievements. This is also an indicator: perhaps he demands too much and rarely recognizes his own merits. Or he is not confident enough and his outlook on his life lacks positive reinforcement.

5. “Do you have a dream you haven’t decided on yet? ?
When it comes to unfulfilled plans, people often reveal themselves from an unexpected side. Someone, being a pragmatist in everyday life, may suddenly admit that he dreams of writing a novel or going on a trip around the world. Others, on the contrary, may seem quite ambitious in business, but at the same time they keep something very personal and quiet in their soul, about which they talk with special tenderness.
Here you can learn a lot about the life guidelines of the interlocutor:

• What interests or values he puts above all (for example, creative expression, freedom of movement, desire to help people, etc.).
• How bold is a person in his dreams or used to “hold the bar” of modesty even within his desires?
• Whether the dream depends on external factors (time, resources, circumstances) or on the determination of the person ("do not dare to start for fear of the unknown").

Conclusion
Questions are a powerful tool that allows you to look into the depths of your personality, not limited to superficial formulations. Of course, there is no perfect way to read a person in five questions. Thoughtfully chosen themes, however, help you to see basic life values, priorities, ways to respond to stress, and ideas about happiness or success. Answers can surprise and even change your perception of the interlocutor. It is important not only to ask questions, but also to listen with sincere attention. After all, it is in such dialogues that genuine understanding is born – and perhaps even strong friendship or successful cooperation.

Glossary
Communication The process of exchanging information, emotions, meanings between people, in which not only words are important, but also context, intonation, body language.
A picture of reality subjective perception of the world, including personal beliefs, values and expectations.
A moral dilemma A situation in which a person is forced to choose between two (or more) options, each of which has important moral significance.
Adaptation strategies A set of ways in which an individual copes with stress, conflict, and life crises.
Emotional intelligence The ability to recognize one’s own emotions and those of others, and use this information to communicate effectively and manage behavior.
Self-realization The process of disclosure and development of personal potential, the desire to achieve significant goals and meet the needs of the highest order.
Social desirability The tendency to respond or behave in a way that conforms to societally accepted norms and expectations.
Vocation. (not mentioned directly, but implied in the context of "dream") - the type of activity or life path that is perceived by a person as most appropriate to his nature and abilities.