Even after the birth of my granddaughter, my mother-in-law did not want to help us, and recently I learned that my husband did not tell me the whole truth. Bashny.Net

As people say, cloistered They don't. And most often this statement is the most fair in the current situation. But not always. After all, life is not a one-sided picture in which everything is immediately clear and there is no second bottom. Life is actually more complicated than it seems. So if a new person appears in a team, family or even on a sports ground, it does not mean that he has no right to vote. But this person’s point of view must be explained. Otherwise, his words will be of little use.



In everyday life, such cases usually occur during the transition to a new job or, as happened to our reader, after marriage. It is amazing how different families live in the same city, and even, practically, adjacent to each other. At the same time, we do not judge anyone for their views on life. On the contrary, we are interested in hearing all participants and dissecting all points of view. It is only then that one can come to one denominator. Not always.

When I married Boris, I did not expect any significant help from his family. Before the wedding, I had time to meet my future mother-in-law and even then I realized what kind of person this person was. But there's a limit to everything! It is very strange to realize that your spouse’s mother is a person who, without any remorse, can and even should be called a “monster”, because I have never seen such darkness in my life.

Boris, my husband, in my opinion, is a great person and a wonderful partner. I am grateful that she brought us together. But when you think about it, it's very strange. Because his upbringing as a child was entirely the responsibility of his mother. And this, I must say, was a test. After all, Borya misses many moments and simply does not want to share all the traumas of the past. But even what he says makes the hair on his head move. In order not to be unfounded, I will tell you some of the facts I heard.



For example, my husband, when he went to school, had no personal time, no childhood. His mother recorded him on all the “circles” and “extensions” that she could reach. She didn’t care what her child was supposed to do. The main thing is that he is not home any longer. Therefore, the child at one time managed to be a choir player, a goalkeeper in football, a guitarist, wrestling, and even to look like a few lessons of the famous local magician. When these forced hobbies began to hit the parent’s pocket, the lessons stopped.

But that's not all. Bore's pocket money was also issued for a reason. To put it bluntly, pocket money is not money for chocolates or firecrackers. This is money for travel and even food in the school cafeteria. Such a childish parody of salary. Which, of course, had to be earned. In what way? Let's just say my mother-in-law was never friends with housework. So it was her son who had to do it. Cleaning the bathroom and toilet was also part of his job. Why, Mom needs peace and quiet. That's who she is.

So again, I didn't expect any help from my mother-in-law when I got married. Despite the fact that she had several apartments for rent, we lived, literally in the next house, renting housing from completely different owners. Why? Yeah, just like that. Because to Boris' mother, he's a man. And, therefore, he must with his head held high endure all adversity. And even when we had a child, her opinion on this matter has not changed. So we still live, the three of us in the “one-nine”. While "Mama" enjoys life and even sometimes dares to insert her 5 cents and teach us life.



At a family event attended by my parents and mother-in-law, my mother asked her why she didn’t want to help her son and granddaughter. But the answer was the same: we have to experience this life ourselves and succeed. If it's so hard for us now with the baby, we just didn't need to get her started. The first thing is to get on your feet, and only then to have children. And that, no other answer she just found.

Although, going back to raising her husband, the father-in-law did not hesitate to take half of his salary from him when he found his first job. Why? All right. He lived in her apartment. So, it turns out, paid for his stay in it. And when he was 20 years old, the “dear” mother gave Bore an ultimatum: either leave home now and we remain on good terms, or she sues, with all the ensuing. Boris, obviously, then chose the first option.



And I understand that if the family has its own rules, so they have it, then there is nothing to go where they were not asked. Relationships between relatives are their business. But! It's not that simple. It turns out, despite the fact that we do not have our own home, despite the small daughter. My husband lied to me for a long time. Or rather, not cheating, but just not telling everything. The fact is that even after we got married, he would come to his mother every few months and give her some of the money he earned. Here we go.

Imagine that. I never got into our family budget, despite the fact that I also worked a little part-time and still work at home. I have a life of my own, child, but I don't make a sacrifice or quarrel about anything. It was never accepted in our family. I believed that the husband does everything that depends on him and tries, as he can, to provide all of us with maximum comfort. But it turns out it's not that simple.



We even had a situation where I had a very bad toothache and had to sit on strong painkillers for about a week. What to do if at that time there was simply no extra money, and somehow I needed to function. Dentistry is not cheap and we all know it. I endured and the pain, over time, went away on its own. However, Boris, knowing all this perfectly well, was not lazy to go to his mother and pay the “son’s debt”, as was customary for them.

Do I feel hurt? Of course, and very much. I spoke to my husband about this and even in high tones. But it didn't bring me any joy. Borya said that he was very uncomfortable to realize this and felt that he was acting wrong about me and our daughter. But he can do nothing to himself. He plans to continue living the old way. Go to my mom and give her money for nothing. How do I feel about that?!



My parents do not own any apartments or funds to help us. But from time to time they can come to visit, bring food, just somehow support. For which I am very grateful. So is my husband. But why does my mother-in-law have the audacity to just open her mouth and say things she doesn't like? Some petty claims, barbs and other negativity. Does she think we will endure it forever? At least I'm not very sure about that. Do you have to divorce a loved one because of his poisonous mother?