When you cannot borrow money from your mother-in-law

Having your own home is a great success, but often it is the result of hard work and savings. It is very difficult to buy your own home alone, even married couples sometimes fail to get a loan for housing. So Irina's story is quite understandable. Ira and her husband were saving money, in many ways refused to get a mortgage, and finally the time came. At the time, her husband’s sister’s request ruined all plans.



We literally couldn’t afford to buy anything but food for two years. It was a conscious decision, because we both worked hard and saved money to buy an apartment. My husband worked two shifts, I also took part-time work on the weekends whenever possible. We raised the right amount in two years, which is a very short time, I think, but early on I began to rejoice.



We started saving money right after the wedding. I had a one-bedroom apartment that I inherited from my grandfather. But this apartment is old, and we were planning children, so we agreed to save for a new apartment with a larger area. And this apartment I was not going to sell: how would life turn out, and grandfather’s apartment is the only thing I have. We began to live there and slowly save money.



My parents are not rich, so they couldn’t help us. My mother-in-law has a younger daughter, and she also needed help. So we were just relying on ourselves, putting away almost everything we earned for a common purpose. For two years, we collected the amount for the first installment and wanted to go to the bank.



A week ago my mother-in-law came to us with the news. Her husband's sister gets married and asks to borrow money for the wedding. My mother-in-law said that we have a place to live, and her daughter wants to make a luxurious holiday. My husband's mother promised me the money would come back. I am an adult, I understand perfectly well that this money Lyudmila Ivanovna will return us more than one year. So I said I was totally against the idea.



I wished my husband’s sister a beautiful wedding and didn’t want to ruin my relationship with anyone. But I didn't plow like a horse for two years so that one day my husband's relatives would ruin our dream. And if you are impatient to marry, then you can sign simply and live together. Wedding isn't important. The main thing is that the person is good.”

After the visit of my mother-in-law a few days later, I decided to go to the bank and deposit the amount so that my husband would not be tempted to take money from the piggy bank. It turned out that he took half the amount without consulting me. He said he had one sister and he had to help her. But that was the last straw. I put him out the door with his suitcase, so I'll let him live with his mother now that she and his sister are more important to him.



The husband lived with his mother, his sister married and gave birth to a child, moved to her husband. And then they broke up and my sister moved in with my mom and baby. In less than six months, my ex came back with flowers and asked for forgiveness, but I forgave him long ago. I just don't want to live with him anymore.



Ira's husband betrayed her dream. He did not even discuss the issue with his wife and decided that he could manage the accumulated money himself. My sister’s request ruined my wife’s trust in her husband. Yes, we should help our relatives as much as we can. But should we help at the expense of our desires and dreams? Do we have the right to make decisions that need to be discussed with our partner? Ira’s husband is right, he did what he thought was right. But in Irina's eyes, he betrayed their dream. That's hard to forgive. She will no longer be able to trust this person. What do you think, can you get along with your ex?