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I urge my husband to share chores around the house, and he desperately resists.
My husband doesn’t understand me, even though we’ve been married for 10 years, we can’t come together on simple things. We both work, but taking care of two young children, tidying the house and eating in the fridge are still my responsibility, according to my husband. I'm tired, exploding for every little thing, Margot admits.
When people live together for a long time, it seems that they need to understand each other in half a word. In fact, we are all different and look at the world differently. Margot loves her husband and does not want to part with him, but can not bear the burden of responsibility for the whole family on his shoulders.
My husband doesn’t understand me: “Now I explode every day because of an unwashed plate or an unpicked toy.” I'm working two jobs, Arthur's tired at work, too. We have two young children and a nanny helps us with them. But the nanny doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she doesn't do laundry, she doesn't go to the store. I've got all this stuff on me.
I have to check my daughter's homework after work, cook dinner, prepare for the next day. Paying bills, going to the doctors, walking the dog and shopping — that’s all I do. Sometimes the husband can walk the dog, he takes the children to school and kindergarten. But after every such feat, he wants me to praise him, say thank you.
And no one thanks me for the mountain of invisible duties and work done. Arthur wonders and doesn't understand why I can cry over something. He sits silently on the couch and watches TV. When I cry in the bathroom, I go back to work. All the time, I try to tell my husband that we are partners, that responsibilities should be shared by default and not wait for praise.
If I don't ask him to take out the trash, Arthur will forget. If I don't iron his shirt, he'll go to work in crumpled clothes. Everything. I tolerate, try not to heat up the situation and turn awkward situations into jokes. But as soon as I see Arthur walking past the scattered toys, I start screaming. Because I immediately notice the mess and try to clean it up.
My husband is very calm, he admits that sometimes he forgets to do what I instruct him. But how to tell him that this is not a homework assignment, not an errand from his mother, but what he should do without being reminded? I love my husband and just want some help. Because of all this, we got cold to each other. But divorce is out of the question.”
From the editorial board, Margot is a responsible woman who has taken on too many worries. She can't stand the pressure of responsibility, but she can't force her husband to do even half of what she does. The habit of perfecting everything could have been formed in Margot as a child. Sometimes she delegates things to her husband, but then she changes her mind and often does everything for him, because she will do it better and faster. Margot’s anxiety can be gradually reduced if she stops taking everything on herself and starts asking her husband for help. That doesn’t mean she’s not doing her job. It's just that Arthur sees things differently. Just ask him and thank him for keeping his promise.
579168
The problem of many couples is that they do not share their experiences and do not communicate with each other enough, and when emotions accumulate, sooner or later they will come out in the form of another quarrel. In order to establish contact, a couple needs to compliment each other every day, thank each other for everything they do for each other. When a conflict situation arises, do not be offended, you need to be able to convey to your partner why he caused such a reaction in you. Then the person will understand what offended you, and try not to do it again. Lovers are always looking for solutions.
If Margot and Arthur have been married for 10 years, they can agree. A visit to a psychologist is a good idea for a married couple. When any dispute gets out of hand, the third party can point out what is preventing the couple from finding harmony.
When people live together for a long time, it seems that they need to understand each other in half a word. In fact, we are all different and look at the world differently. Margot loves her husband and does not want to part with him, but can not bear the burden of responsibility for the whole family on his shoulders.
My husband doesn’t understand me: “Now I explode every day because of an unwashed plate or an unpicked toy.” I'm working two jobs, Arthur's tired at work, too. We have two young children and a nanny helps us with them. But the nanny doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she doesn't do laundry, she doesn't go to the store. I've got all this stuff on me.
I have to check my daughter's homework after work, cook dinner, prepare for the next day. Paying bills, going to the doctors, walking the dog and shopping — that’s all I do. Sometimes the husband can walk the dog, he takes the children to school and kindergarten. But after every such feat, he wants me to praise him, say thank you.
And no one thanks me for the mountain of invisible duties and work done. Arthur wonders and doesn't understand why I can cry over something. He sits silently on the couch and watches TV. When I cry in the bathroom, I go back to work. All the time, I try to tell my husband that we are partners, that responsibilities should be shared by default and not wait for praise.
If I don't ask him to take out the trash, Arthur will forget. If I don't iron his shirt, he'll go to work in crumpled clothes. Everything. I tolerate, try not to heat up the situation and turn awkward situations into jokes. But as soon as I see Arthur walking past the scattered toys, I start screaming. Because I immediately notice the mess and try to clean it up.
My husband is very calm, he admits that sometimes he forgets to do what I instruct him. But how to tell him that this is not a homework assignment, not an errand from his mother, but what he should do without being reminded? I love my husband and just want some help. Because of all this, we got cold to each other. But divorce is out of the question.”
From the editorial board, Margot is a responsible woman who has taken on too many worries. She can't stand the pressure of responsibility, but she can't force her husband to do even half of what she does. The habit of perfecting everything could have been formed in Margot as a child. Sometimes she delegates things to her husband, but then she changes her mind and often does everything for him, because she will do it better and faster. Margot’s anxiety can be gradually reduced if she stops taking everything on herself and starts asking her husband for help. That doesn’t mean she’s not doing her job. It's just that Arthur sees things differently. Just ask him and thank him for keeping his promise.
579168
The problem of many couples is that they do not share their experiences and do not communicate with each other enough, and when emotions accumulate, sooner or later they will come out in the form of another quarrel. In order to establish contact, a couple needs to compliment each other every day, thank each other for everything they do for each other. When a conflict situation arises, do not be offended, you need to be able to convey to your partner why he caused such a reaction in you. Then the person will understand what offended you, and try not to do it again. Lovers are always looking for solutions.
If Margot and Arthur have been married for 10 years, they can agree. A visit to a psychologist is a good idea for a married couple. When any dispute gets out of hand, the third party can point out what is preventing the couple from finding harmony.
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