Old people are sure that they are not needed anywhere, afraid to leave the house and stubborn.

Mothers who leave the war zone with their children do not doubt their decision for a second. They save their children, hoping to secure their future. A difficult decision has to be made when older parents refuse to evacuate and stay home despite the risks to life. Is it right to force an elderly person to leave their home and send them to the unknown? Today we will tell you whether it is worth saving someone who does not want to, and how to help elderly parents.



Those who went abroad at the beginning of the war now want to return, despite the risks. The war is not over yet, but it is much easier for people to hide psychologically every day in a shelter in their hometown than to be safe in a foreign country.

Middle-aged people with children can adapt, albeit slowly, to new circumstances. But even they mentally remain in Ukraine and worry about the fate of their country every day. At the same time, you need to look for a job, arrange a child in a kindergarten or school, find housing and somehow find a common language with foreigners.



There are many good people in the world, but no matter how tempting the prospect of going now to Germany, Italy, to see Sweden and the Czech Republic, Ukrainians are not going to just leave their homes. Especially older people.
The older generation does not want to travel even in peacetime, and when the war came, many repeat: “I have already lived my century, and I will not leave the house” – this behavior drives into a dead end. But psychologist Olga Panchenko, who also had to accept her parents’ choices, says:

“My desire to move my parents to safety is quite selfish. So I don't just want to keep my loved ones safe, I want to keep myself safe. I came to terms with the decision of my parents to stay at home, because they are adults and perfectly understand what they are going for, says Olga Panchenko.



Older people often have health problems and may not survive moving. Fear of the unknown is worse than fear of war. The psyche of an elderly person is not as flexible as the psyche of a child. And if older parents do not want to leave and keep their grandchildren near them, they will have to make a choice in favor of children. Why? Because children are the future, they should not be held hostage by their grandparents.

The psychologist advises adult children to respect the decision of their parents. If it so happens that the parents stayed at home and the children left, it is necessary to continue communication at a distance. Now all emotions are a normal reaction to stress. But even in this difficult situation, you can support parents, said psychologist Tatiana Kolpak.



Talk to parents, discuss possible evacuation options if they change their minds and help with the move is always possible. Don’t judge your parents for their choices, try to accept them. Leave the contacts of friends who can help your parents if you are not around.

If you decide to leave, you can pack the same alarm bag before you leave and give your parents the necessary instructions for their safety. Remind me of the curfew and the fact that during the air alert you need to be in shelter, no matter how safe it is at the moment in the city. Older people will not go down several times a day to the shelter, but they can wait out the two-wall alarm in their home or apartment.



Find out the contacts of volunteers, rescue services and write the numbers in a notebook. Provide parents with drinking water and food as much as possible, charge all phones and keep in touch with neighbors. Talk to your parents about when you will call, convince mom and dad not to go to the store or garden during an air alert.

In this difficult time, do not waste precious minutes on clarifying the relationship. Ask your parents how they feel, what they did today, how they eat and what they think. Talk about yourself, your experiences, the successes of your children.

Ukrainians are used to dealing with their experiences on their own. In peacetime, few people turned to a psychologist for help. It is especially important for everyone to know that they are not alone. Conversations and warm words of support are little we can do for our loved ones, even if our worldview does not coincide.



Peels Man's editorial board may embrace guilt over failing to take parents to safety. Remember that their decision is the decision of adults, and do not take responsibility for the actions of others. It won't make anyone any better. The best thing you can do for yourself and for those who are dear to you is to take care of your psychological and physical health, because parents, children, husbands also care about you and want to see you happy.