I visited my mother-in-law, and she was just cooking borscht, involuntarily began to watch her.

“It is always pleasant to be at my husband’s mother’s house: clean, clean, all things starched, smells delicious from the kitchen. I was surprised every time she manages to restore order in the garden, and look at the cattle, and keep such cleanliness in the house, Svetlana admits.

Sveta was lucky with her mother-in-law - Nina Ivanovna always helped, gave useful advice to the young family, but never imposed her opinion. Nina Ivanovna is the perfect housewife, but what did it cost her?



Visiting my mother Nina Ivanovna always treated me well. Every time I visited, I praised my son. My mother-in-law always tried to devote all her free time to her little grandchildren. And the mother-in-law had a lot of things to do: feed and milk the cow, bring it to pasture, clean up after them, feed the chickens, clean up in the yard, in the house. Her husband never helped her with the housework, so they did.

At the same time, the son of Nina Ivanovna is sympathetic and kind, he does not look like his father. Before my first pregnancy and after my second, my husband always tried to help me. It’s nice to know that your loved one cares about you.



Somehow I couldn’t resist visiting Nina Ivanovna and asked why she does everything herself, and how does she manage to do everything without her husband’s help? At this point, the father-in-law was lying on the couch in front of the TV and eating dumplings, and Nina Ivanovna calmly ironed his underwear: I am used to living like this. I never asked questions about the meaning of life, nor did I ask anyone for help. That’s how I was raised, my mother-in-law replied.

I remember a time when we ate borscht Nina Ivanovna. She brought from the pantry, where everything is neatly arranged on shelves, a head of garlic. When half the garlic was left after lunch, Nina Ivanovna went and put it in the pantry. Not to the nearest window sill, not to the fridge, but to the storage room in the far side of the house, and set to work.



My mother also loves order, but if she feels bad, she will not do anything through force. She'll lie down and rest for a while. But Nina Ivanovna always brought everything to the ideal. In their father-in-law, there was a clear division of duties. The father-in-law could fix the roof of the house or chop wood, but he never picked up a mop or rag to dust the table.”



My husband’s strange behavior has not become my favorite mother-in-law this year. She wasn't 60 yet, she left us too soon. I really miss her. And my mother says that she drove herself Nina Ivanovna: We always give ourselves rest. Women always need to clean everything, fix it, iron it, cook it. We underestimate our ailments, do not give ourselves respite, and life passes.”

Mom was right. I never saw my mother-in-law idle, besides, my mother-in-law treated all her duties responsibly. Since she was gone, my husband and I have become distant from each other. Suddenly, he became more demanding, each time citing his mother as an example.



When I didn’t have time to prepare dinner for his arrival, he reminded me that his mother also had a farm and a large garden. I tried to support him and always tried to handle all the household chores. But we have two kids, and I'm tired too. I have always admired my mother-in-law, but I do not want to repeat her fate. Even my mother does not know what to advise in this case.”



Every person has his own ideas about the order and how to divide responsibilities around the house. To date, the patriarchal way of life has sunk into oblivion, couples negotiate with each other, take on part of their duties, and raise children together.

My husband was silk before he lost his mother. Losing a parent at any age is a huge shock. He has been doing it for months and years. It happens that without the help of specialists it is impossible to recover. Comparing a wife to a departed mother is a manifestation of longing. This man and his wife lived in harmony.

Svetlana is not obliged to indulge the whims of her husband. All she can do is ask her husband to go to therapy. Because for now, he's taking out his longing for his mother, all the negativity on his beloved woman. And if he does not understand his feelings, he can destroy the family. He needs support, not indulgence in every whim. A wife will never replace her mother, but she can become a faithful companion who will go through all the troubles in life. Life is a secondary matter, although it destroys many families.