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What not to advise your daughter
Every mother tries to protect her daughter from “bad men” and sincerely wishes her only happiness. But the paradox is that many mothers begin to see the problem in the fact that after a certain age their blood is not willing to marry. For most, this milestone is 25 years: did not get married, so something is wrong or jinxed someone. And here begin conflicts between the closest people in the world, which are accompanied by insomnia in the mother and nervous breakdowns in the daughter.
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Editorial "Site" I decided to analyze whether mothers should worry about the fact that their daughters are not in a hurry to get married, and when to sound the alarm. We will give an example of the complaint of one mother and the response of a psychologist to her.
47-year-old Tatiana complains: “I have a problem.” My beautiful daughter is 26 years old, she has many fans, but she finds some shortcomings in all of them and believes that there are no worthy ones. She says that she is not in a hurry to get married, so she does not consider it necessary to arrange a race for the groom. I'm very worried about it and I don't want her to be alone.
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And now this trend is strange among young people: they do not want a family, then dogs are raised instead of children, then they live with girlfriends. I think we should intervene in time. As the years go by, many good men are getting married and having children. There will be only revelers and sluts. Here I go to my neighbor to nurse her grandchildren, but I would like to find my own in my right mind.”
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The psychologist analyzed the situation and gave a clear answer: “You write “I have such a problem”, but then say that, in your opinion, your daughter has a problem. Keep in mind that this is her personal life and she can be comfortable. Worry only about you, the problem is in your head. Then don't you want your daughter out of her comfort zone because you have anxiety? 26 years and unmarried is your personal attitude.
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It all depends on the personality, its attitudes, upbringing and development. But most importantly, the example you set for her in your personal life. It looks silly when a divorced mother or a woman who has suffered all her life because of her husband pushes her daughter to marry. Perhaps for her, rejecting everyone is a way of controlling when there are no stimuli, no pressure and no fear. And she just needs to mature for marriage or meet a man who will change her mind.
DepositPhotos
Rejection of all fans can also occur due to too much self-love and perfectionism. For some reason, standards have been formed to block feelings. Often mothers raise their daughters as princesses, instilling them with standards and attitudes from childhood: the bad one, the crooked one and the groom in general should be rich, beautiful, young, influential and everything for the daughter.
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And in real life, such a set usually does not occur, or the girl does not understand that two people should try to work on a relationship, not just her man. Your daughter’s priorities may not match yours. She wants to go for a walk and build a career, maybe she wants to change her place of residence and then think about marriage.
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In any case, you can’t decide for her, even if we assume that there are psychological obstacles to her personal life. If you push her, it will only push her away. You can offer to contact a psychologist or try to get close enough to work out its blocks. Start with calm dialogue in a neutral environment, without teaching or imposing your opinion.”
There could be a hundred reasons. But do not pass your problems on to your daughter. You grew up in a different environment and rhythm of life. There are many examples when women successfully marry in their 30s and 40s, have children and live very happily. First, you should work out your attitude to life, get rid of stereotypes and opinions imposed by neighbors or relatives. You can't put pressure on your daughter's privacy.
We also talked about the secrets of a happy marriage.
Tell us in the comments if you have an attitude towards marriageable. Share this article with your friends on social media!
Photo by depositphotos preview.
DepositPhotos
Editorial "Site" I decided to analyze whether mothers should worry about the fact that their daughters are not in a hurry to get married, and when to sound the alarm. We will give an example of the complaint of one mother and the response of a psychologist to her.
47-year-old Tatiana complains: “I have a problem.” My beautiful daughter is 26 years old, she has many fans, but she finds some shortcomings in all of them and believes that there are no worthy ones. She says that she is not in a hurry to get married, so she does not consider it necessary to arrange a race for the groom. I'm very worried about it and I don't want her to be alone.
19DepositPhotos
And now this trend is strange among young people: they do not want a family, then dogs are raised instead of children, then they live with girlfriends. I think we should intervene in time. As the years go by, many good men are getting married and having children. There will be only revelers and sluts. Here I go to my neighbor to nurse her grandchildren, but I would like to find my own in my right mind.”
DepositPhotos
The psychologist analyzed the situation and gave a clear answer: “You write “I have such a problem”, but then say that, in your opinion, your daughter has a problem. Keep in mind that this is her personal life and she can be comfortable. Worry only about you, the problem is in your head. Then don't you want your daughter out of her comfort zone because you have anxiety? 26 years and unmarried is your personal attitude.
DepositPhotos
It all depends on the personality, its attitudes, upbringing and development. But most importantly, the example you set for her in your personal life. It looks silly when a divorced mother or a woman who has suffered all her life because of her husband pushes her daughter to marry. Perhaps for her, rejecting everyone is a way of controlling when there are no stimuli, no pressure and no fear. And she just needs to mature for marriage or meet a man who will change her mind.
DepositPhotos
Rejection of all fans can also occur due to too much self-love and perfectionism. For some reason, standards have been formed to block feelings. Often mothers raise their daughters as princesses, instilling them with standards and attitudes from childhood: the bad one, the crooked one and the groom in general should be rich, beautiful, young, influential and everything for the daughter.
DepositPhotos
And in real life, such a set usually does not occur, or the girl does not understand that two people should try to work on a relationship, not just her man. Your daughter’s priorities may not match yours. She wants to go for a walk and build a career, maybe she wants to change her place of residence and then think about marriage.
DepositPhotos
In any case, you can’t decide for her, even if we assume that there are psychological obstacles to her personal life. If you push her, it will only push her away. You can offer to contact a psychologist or try to get close enough to work out its blocks. Start with calm dialogue in a neutral environment, without teaching or imposing your opinion.”
There could be a hundred reasons. But do not pass your problems on to your daughter. You grew up in a different environment and rhythm of life. There are many examples when women successfully marry in their 30s and 40s, have children and live very happily. First, you should work out your attitude to life, get rid of stereotypes and opinions imposed by neighbors or relatives. You can't put pressure on your daughter's privacy.
We also talked about the secrets of a happy marriage.
Tell us in the comments if you have an attitude towards marriageable. Share this article with your friends on social media!
Photo by depositphotos preview.
