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How to get along with worried relatives
Family psychologists believe that adult children and older parents must live separately. However, life makes its own adjustments, and sometimes people have to live under the same roof at least for a while, despite the strained relationships between some family members.
And today's edition. "Site" It will tell the story of one of our subscribers who felt what it was like to live under the same roof with strangers who are your family only by documents.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law "We have been living with my husband for more than 5 years." The first year I had to rent a house. Then a son was born, later her husband began to have problems at work. The company has new owners, wages have fallen. The husband decided to go to work in the capital, where his friends had already settled, and I was transported to my mother with my child. It is easier for me to help my parents.
“Everything was normal at first. My father-in-law and mother-in-law were missing at work, and I was babysitting my baby. While the baby was sleeping, she managed to clean the house, wash things, and cook dinner. And then they started cutting their teeth, and I had to forget about peace. Even when my son fell asleep in the afternoon, I fell for the same half hour beside him.
It is clear that I did not have the time or strength to prepare for the whole family. And even the sister of the husband began to visit with the child (garden next to her) to have a snack and take something with her. I myself could do with a sandwich, and then I have to cook a full lunch, half a day at the stove to stand.
“One day my mother-in-law came from work and the kitchen was not cleaned, the dishes were not washed, the laundry was lying in the bathtub. I didn't have time to do everything because I just fell off my feet. Galina Lvovna scolded me right from the doorstep, saying that my mistress was bad. Like, everyone had children, and today’s young girls even with washing machines, microwaves and vacuum cleaners are not able to restore order in the house.
And it's okay that the baby has a temperature of 39, that the doctor came. It turns out that everyone has the same teeth, and I am a lazy woman who sits around the neck of old people, and even does not want to do anything. I lost my nerves for the first time, and I replied that if I did not have time for something, it was only because the child did not allow it, and I did not hire a housekeeper.
Without letting me finish, my mother-in-law made a pass with her hands, which made me dizzy. With the baby in my arms, I collapsed on the couch.
It's my fault I let you wipe my feet. I wanted the best, I wanted people who were not strangers to me to be able to relax after work, and not stand at the stove. And this is what it has done.”
“The next morning I packed my things, took my son and went to my mother’s village. Yes, there you need water in the well, and the stove on firewood. But I felt better than ever. No rush, baby in the fresh air. For the first time in a long time, I was able to sleep.
A month and a half later my husband came for me. He said he knew he had such a mother. I gave an ultimatum: either we live apart from his parents, or divorce. He promised that he would earn more money by the New Year, and we would definitely buy our own house. In the meantime, he asked me to go back to his mother.
I believed and returned to the house of Galina Lvovna. Now she found fault with me almost every day: now I go somewhere, then I communicate with someone, then the child is poorly dressed, then I bought extra. But I tried not to pay attention and plunged into the search for housing. She found an inexpensive but cozy house at our expense, gave her deposit and began to wait for her husband.
He arrived a couple of days before the New Year, but showed no interest in buying a house. Today he has a cafe with childhood friends, tomorrow a bath with former colleagues, then something else. People are waiting for money, I'm ready to move into a new house, and he's drunk, even though he wasn't into it before. We had a fight.
“A husband and his family celebrated the New Year in a new country house, which his parents bought in the summer. I didn't know that. I had no idea that all of our money was going to this parental property. I spent the New Year holidays alone. Or rather, with his son in a rented apartment.
My husband called to celebrate with them, but I knew no one was waiting for me there. It seems that the husband is determined to live with his parents, not with me, so the thoughts of divorce are increasingly coming to mind. But how painful it is to leave a man whom you love and who assures you of reciprocity. How will the child be without a father?
My husband says that the house belongs to me too, and I can move there at any time, even left the keys. In the spring, my baby and I arrived for the weekend, and the keys don't fit. It turned out that after the next trip of the spouse to work, his parents changed the locks. And how do you feel like a legitimate wife and not just a cheap mistress? ?
Indeed, mother-in-law Terrible. But our heroine is to blame for allowing herself to be treated in such an inappropriate way. After all, having a child should not be a weakness, because of which she will tolerate any insults to create the appearance of a family, but a strength and motivation to be a self-sufficient woman who deserves respect.
Therefore, the final parting should not be frightening, because if everything is bad now, then where did the hope come from that it will become good later? The child does not see the father, because he is constantly traveling. Why not start a new life now?
And today's edition. "Site" It will tell the story of one of our subscribers who felt what it was like to live under the same roof with strangers who are your family only by documents.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law "We have been living with my husband for more than 5 years." The first year I had to rent a house. Then a son was born, later her husband began to have problems at work. The company has new owners, wages have fallen. The husband decided to go to work in the capital, where his friends had already settled, and I was transported to my mother with my child. It is easier for me to help my parents.
“Everything was normal at first. My father-in-law and mother-in-law were missing at work, and I was babysitting my baby. While the baby was sleeping, she managed to clean the house, wash things, and cook dinner. And then they started cutting their teeth, and I had to forget about peace. Even when my son fell asleep in the afternoon, I fell for the same half hour beside him.
It is clear that I did not have the time or strength to prepare for the whole family. And even the sister of the husband began to visit with the child (garden next to her) to have a snack and take something with her. I myself could do with a sandwich, and then I have to cook a full lunch, half a day at the stove to stand.
“One day my mother-in-law came from work and the kitchen was not cleaned, the dishes were not washed, the laundry was lying in the bathtub. I didn't have time to do everything because I just fell off my feet. Galina Lvovna scolded me right from the doorstep, saying that my mistress was bad. Like, everyone had children, and today’s young girls even with washing machines, microwaves and vacuum cleaners are not able to restore order in the house.
And it's okay that the baby has a temperature of 39, that the doctor came. It turns out that everyone has the same teeth, and I am a lazy woman who sits around the neck of old people, and even does not want to do anything. I lost my nerves for the first time, and I replied that if I did not have time for something, it was only because the child did not allow it, and I did not hire a housekeeper.
Without letting me finish, my mother-in-law made a pass with her hands, which made me dizzy. With the baby in my arms, I collapsed on the couch.
It's my fault I let you wipe my feet. I wanted the best, I wanted people who were not strangers to me to be able to relax after work, and not stand at the stove. And this is what it has done.”
“The next morning I packed my things, took my son and went to my mother’s village. Yes, there you need water in the well, and the stove on firewood. But I felt better than ever. No rush, baby in the fresh air. For the first time in a long time, I was able to sleep.
A month and a half later my husband came for me. He said he knew he had such a mother. I gave an ultimatum: either we live apart from his parents, or divorce. He promised that he would earn more money by the New Year, and we would definitely buy our own house. In the meantime, he asked me to go back to his mother.
I believed and returned to the house of Galina Lvovna. Now she found fault with me almost every day: now I go somewhere, then I communicate with someone, then the child is poorly dressed, then I bought extra. But I tried not to pay attention and plunged into the search for housing. She found an inexpensive but cozy house at our expense, gave her deposit and began to wait for her husband.
He arrived a couple of days before the New Year, but showed no interest in buying a house. Today he has a cafe with childhood friends, tomorrow a bath with former colleagues, then something else. People are waiting for money, I'm ready to move into a new house, and he's drunk, even though he wasn't into it before. We had a fight.
“A husband and his family celebrated the New Year in a new country house, which his parents bought in the summer. I didn't know that. I had no idea that all of our money was going to this parental property. I spent the New Year holidays alone. Or rather, with his son in a rented apartment.
My husband called to celebrate with them, but I knew no one was waiting for me there. It seems that the husband is determined to live with his parents, not with me, so the thoughts of divorce are increasingly coming to mind. But how painful it is to leave a man whom you love and who assures you of reciprocity. How will the child be without a father?
My husband says that the house belongs to me too, and I can move there at any time, even left the keys. In the spring, my baby and I arrived for the weekend, and the keys don't fit. It turned out that after the next trip of the spouse to work, his parents changed the locks. And how do you feel like a legitimate wife and not just a cheap mistress? ?
Indeed, mother-in-law Terrible. But our heroine is to blame for allowing herself to be treated in such an inappropriate way. After all, having a child should not be a weakness, because of which she will tolerate any insults to create the appearance of a family, but a strength and motivation to be a self-sufficient woman who deserves respect.
Therefore, the final parting should not be frightening, because if everything is bad now, then where did the hope come from that it will become good later? The child does not see the father, because he is constantly traveling. Why not start a new life now?
