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How to live with elderly relatives
We often hear about how difficult it is to find a common language with older relatives, especially if you have to live together. However, even if you have separate living space, it is not always possible to avoid problems. Since childhood, old age is usually associated with wisdom, gentleness, kindness, and grandma's pancakes. Adults build relationships differently. Communicating with the elderly, we may be faced with the bitterness, the endless grumbling and selfishness. The Council of elders Sometimes an elderly person is behaving in a way that seems all wrong. Only he knows how. This translates into a lot of criticism towards the young Rodney.
One of the biggest problems is anger. Old age by itself – quite a serious test. Have face-to-face encounter with the understanding that life is finite. May start to affect the revaluation of the life results in old wounds – lack of implementation, the accumulated anger. All of this reminds me more and spills at close.
Another attack – boring. Its roots also can go into the past and to be a consequence of the fact that earlier people had listened to him. Is belief that in order to be heard you have to talk more, repeating repeatedly the same idea.
The characteristic quality of quarrelsome old men and sometimes painful resentment. Any comment or just lack of attention turns into pursed lips, statement of discontent.
"The older your features, says psychologist Saint-Petersburg "Sundeev center" Rodion Chepalov. Depending on the type and dynamics of personality, they can be expressed in different symptoms. This is gerontopsychology. The most frustrating is when these signs become stubborn, impatient for the opinions of others, high self-esteem. Among the challenges is the inability to negotiate, to achieve equal partnership, to receive a brief practical advice and assistance within reasonable limits".
The final stage In the whole of old age in nature is complicated and with the advent of restrictions in life, and the feeling existing dependence or fear of the potential, and the fear of our own helplessness. And anger is sometimes also a way to attract attention.
The role played by a sense of uselessness and loneliness. The latter is more acute if the person has lost a spouse, and their children live some distance away. When the same person is over 80, it is necessary to consider features associated with the possible pathologies of the brain and atrophy of individual cells. Unfortunately, many senile illnesses may alter or deteriorate the nature.
My dear old men If your old people live separately, it is psychologically easier, but physically more difficult: it is necessary to visit, to help, to bring bags of food. The important role played by the degree of kinship. One thing your own grandmother that raised you, and another thing — harmful elderly mother-in-law. In the second case, to avoid prejudice on both sides. But those and other often exhibit the same behavior problems.
1. Aggressor. Everything you do is bad and wrong. This is stated bluntly, until the insults. Sometimes these relatives feed the tendency to complain about the children to others.
2. Forever resentful or grumpy. No, those relatives will not show aggression and insult you, but your sighs and sad reproaches will create a nagging sense of guilt.
3. "Bee". Grandmother belonging to this type, and the grandchildren from school will take away, and start dinner, and pie in the evening to bake. She never thinks about himself, but on the other hand, requires that for her trouble was a lot of moral impact on your part.
4. Selfish. Yes, these elderly relatives will not climb into your life and harass the Soviets. All this does not really interest them. But self-care will require a fully. They can manipulate the information about the state of their health, to get you to come to him on the other side of town.
5. Suspicious. They don't trust anyone, including family and friends. Last I suspect that they are just waiting for their untimely death and try to seize assets.
6. God dandelion. Quiet and inoffensive type, hovering a little in other areas, but often in need of advanced care.
Grandma has arrived! We can say that there is a program for communication with elderly relatives.
First of all, you need to have patience, patience and again patience. "You can imagine an elderly person a child and try to remember what good you did in life, — says Rodion Chepalov. — Try to see the positive traits and to think that you ever will be. Treat an elderly relative as you would like to treat you in old age".
In direct communication also need to master certain skills art of conversation. Costs more to talk to an elderly relative, finding common themes and common ground.
With other relatives it is easier to accept than to engage in a long and constructive argument. It is not always necessary to pay attention to the form in which expressed a particular Council. If he's sensible, then why not to use them. Agree, sometimes more annoying, as that's what they say, what prevents to understand what they want from us. Moreover, it is possible to often ask for advice. But for the older persons themselves as once more the importance of language than the very essence of what was said.
Unmotivated aggression is better to ignore. With the aggressors, grumpy and mistrustful of the elderly is working well method the glass dome, that is psychological distancing.
In General, to one's own observations should be treated with caution. Annoying that a relative long time does not comply with the rules of hygiene? Defiantly should not wrinkle your nose, better motivate the old lady to "create new image".
"Any comments should be expressed in a tactful manner, — says Rodion Chepalov. — Anyone need respect. Try to avoid of conflicts: generalizations ("you always..."), appeals to the past ("I know you, you're terrible..."). In communicating with elderly relatives need to use all those anticonflict techniques that apply to other people. And the basic principles of communication should be kindness, respect, mercy, compassion, tolerance, compassion".
To fill the void Often, the elderly do not know where to attach themselves. Therefore, it is necessary to provide them with the opportunity to experience their necessity. Sometimes you think, releasing your family from the hassle associated with grandchildren, you do a good cause, but this is not always the case. Especially need to load "bees".
People living alone, very important "ritual" of being — that is, regular outings.
Its importance calls at a certain time and visits from your side. It helps the elderly relative to keep yourself in shape and to feel some co-ordination of its existence.
But as a type of "selfish", those relationships have to be determined by the principle of "contract," i.e., identifying detail your obligations, based on the capabilities.
Source: domashniy.ru/
One of the biggest problems is anger. Old age by itself – quite a serious test. Have face-to-face encounter with the understanding that life is finite. May start to affect the revaluation of the life results in old wounds – lack of implementation, the accumulated anger. All of this reminds me more and spills at close.
Another attack – boring. Its roots also can go into the past and to be a consequence of the fact that earlier people had listened to him. Is belief that in order to be heard you have to talk more, repeating repeatedly the same idea.
The characteristic quality of quarrelsome old men and sometimes painful resentment. Any comment or just lack of attention turns into pursed lips, statement of discontent.
"The older your features, says psychologist Saint-Petersburg "Sundeev center" Rodion Chepalov. Depending on the type and dynamics of personality, they can be expressed in different symptoms. This is gerontopsychology. The most frustrating is when these signs become stubborn, impatient for the opinions of others, high self-esteem. Among the challenges is the inability to negotiate, to achieve equal partnership, to receive a brief practical advice and assistance within reasonable limits".
The final stage In the whole of old age in nature is complicated and with the advent of restrictions in life, and the feeling existing dependence or fear of the potential, and the fear of our own helplessness. And anger is sometimes also a way to attract attention.
The role played by a sense of uselessness and loneliness. The latter is more acute if the person has lost a spouse, and their children live some distance away. When the same person is over 80, it is necessary to consider features associated with the possible pathologies of the brain and atrophy of individual cells. Unfortunately, many senile illnesses may alter or deteriorate the nature.
My dear old men If your old people live separately, it is psychologically easier, but physically more difficult: it is necessary to visit, to help, to bring bags of food. The important role played by the degree of kinship. One thing your own grandmother that raised you, and another thing — harmful elderly mother-in-law. In the second case, to avoid prejudice on both sides. But those and other often exhibit the same behavior problems.
1. Aggressor. Everything you do is bad and wrong. This is stated bluntly, until the insults. Sometimes these relatives feed the tendency to complain about the children to others.
2. Forever resentful or grumpy. No, those relatives will not show aggression and insult you, but your sighs and sad reproaches will create a nagging sense of guilt.
3. "Bee". Grandmother belonging to this type, and the grandchildren from school will take away, and start dinner, and pie in the evening to bake. She never thinks about himself, but on the other hand, requires that for her trouble was a lot of moral impact on your part.
4. Selfish. Yes, these elderly relatives will not climb into your life and harass the Soviets. All this does not really interest them. But self-care will require a fully. They can manipulate the information about the state of their health, to get you to come to him on the other side of town.
5. Suspicious. They don't trust anyone, including family and friends. Last I suspect that they are just waiting for their untimely death and try to seize assets.
6. God dandelion. Quiet and inoffensive type, hovering a little in other areas, but often in need of advanced care.
Grandma has arrived! We can say that there is a program for communication with elderly relatives.
First of all, you need to have patience, patience and again patience. "You can imagine an elderly person a child and try to remember what good you did in life, — says Rodion Chepalov. — Try to see the positive traits and to think that you ever will be. Treat an elderly relative as you would like to treat you in old age".
In direct communication also need to master certain skills art of conversation. Costs more to talk to an elderly relative, finding common themes and common ground.
With other relatives it is easier to accept than to engage in a long and constructive argument. It is not always necessary to pay attention to the form in which expressed a particular Council. If he's sensible, then why not to use them. Agree, sometimes more annoying, as that's what they say, what prevents to understand what they want from us. Moreover, it is possible to often ask for advice. But for the older persons themselves as once more the importance of language than the very essence of what was said.
Unmotivated aggression is better to ignore. With the aggressors, grumpy and mistrustful of the elderly is working well method the glass dome, that is psychological distancing.
In General, to one's own observations should be treated with caution. Annoying that a relative long time does not comply with the rules of hygiene? Defiantly should not wrinkle your nose, better motivate the old lady to "create new image".
"Any comments should be expressed in a tactful manner, — says Rodion Chepalov. — Anyone need respect. Try to avoid of conflicts: generalizations ("you always..."), appeals to the past ("I know you, you're terrible..."). In communicating with elderly relatives need to use all those anticonflict techniques that apply to other people. And the basic principles of communication should be kindness, respect, mercy, compassion, tolerance, compassion".
To fill the void Often, the elderly do not know where to attach themselves. Therefore, it is necessary to provide them with the opportunity to experience their necessity. Sometimes you think, releasing your family from the hassle associated with grandchildren, you do a good cause, but this is not always the case. Especially need to load "bees".
People living alone, very important "ritual" of being — that is, regular outings.
Its importance calls at a certain time and visits from your side. It helps the elderly relative to keep yourself in shape and to feel some co-ordination of its existence.
But as a type of "selfish", those relationships have to be determined by the principle of "contract," i.e., identifying detail your obligations, based on the capabilities.
Source: domashniy.ru/