What to say to insolent relatives from the village, if you do not have the strength to receive guests Bashny.Net

Maintaining good relationships with loved ones is great. However, often not everyone is able to live in the soul. And even more surprising when unfriendly, and sometimes unfamiliar kin They decide to visit you. Of course, without warning.

Today's edition. "Site" Think about what to do with people who want to visit. But you do not know them, you do not want to get acquainted, and you do not want to turn into a fussy and welcoming host. Don't let me in?



Once I was approached by a client named Ivan and told about a curious problem. His apartment became a free hostel for many relatives. He didn't want that. However, I did not know how to solve the problem, says psychologist Anna Pogrebnyak.



“From time to time, Ivan’s relatives appeared out of nowhere in different parts of the country, who confidently went to visit him. He could not refuse and always tried to do everything to make the next guest comfortable.

Since childhood, Ivan was shy and lonely. I wanted to have friends and tried to like everyone. He cherished everyone, imposed himself, tried to earn favor. What personal boundaries were, he did not know. And those around him shamelessly used it.



When his nieces and half-sisters and brothers first came to live with him, the man hinted that it was normal to stay for a day or two, but not to live for months. He was quickly told “who is in charge of the house.”

Relatives and a sense of guilt “Homeland began to put pressure on Ivan, to blame him for callousness and greed.” They said he was “deep” and “insolent.” Another would spit on them and kick them out of the house, but for our hero it was a blow. He was worried that people close to him stopped loving him.

His relatives were only happy with his experiences. They kept pushing, being rude, manipulating. Some left, others came. They didn't even bother to warn. Ivan wanted to change everything and asked for help.



He lived alone, worked hard, but thought about starting a family. But how can you bring a lady of heart here, if his house is not at all his? An important point was that Ivan honestly admitted to himself: he did not love his relatives and never loved them. They always seemed to him to be impudent and unpleasant people.

At the same time, he could not get rid of the obsession: these are your relatives, you cannot do this to them, you must love them.



We began by dealing with this notorious “should.” A concept that has destroyed more than one life. It turned out that the problem was not in his family, but in Ivan himself. His self-esteem, beliefs and views were the abode of his problems. We solved it and the problem disappeared. And with her, the insolent relatives disappeared. Ivan simply told them everything he thought of them and confidently pointed to the door. I recently heard that he was going to get married, said the expert.



Of course. quarrelNo matter how far away they are, it is not pleasant. But what to do if unfamiliar people come to you, create inconveniences and demand something else.

It's one thing to negotiate it in advance and you're really happy to see these people. And there is no way to get into any gate if someone decides to come in without warning. Isn't that right?