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How to motivate your young husband to work
Our reader shared a very personal story with us and asked for some advice. We discussed its circumstances with the entire editorial board, but we never came to a common denominator. However, we came to the conclusion that the experience of other people and their opinions on this matter will help.
Editorial "Site" He wants to share this story with you and see what you think about it. From the reader's words.
“There is a strange situation in my family that I cannot deal with on my own. Give me some advice. I'm 46, married. My husband is 20 years younger than me. They had to deal with him on the basis of insane passion, no one thought about the consequences. Began a stormy romance, six months later decided to move in, another 3 months legalized the relationship.
I will tell you right away, he is kind, soft and very gentle. It is interesting with him, he is educated and well-read, does not drink, does not give reasons for jealousy, loves me. Overall, we're very good together.
You know, my mom always told me, if you want to be a general, you have to marry a lieutenant first. A hint that the husband should choose a promising, young and full of enthusiasm. I guess I only guessed with one point.
While we were dating, he kept saying he had his own business. So I thought he was resourceful and could earn money. But then it turned out that this business somehow does not bring money, only requires investment. I am a wealthy woman, although not rich, but I support myself.
It's not so important to me that he brings a lot of money into the house, but rather that he tries and moves forward. Husband doesn't want to workHe actually sits around my neck. The apartment is mine, I pay for the communal, and I buy groceries too. Even my money goes into his business. He's happy he's ready for everything.
He has time, but he doesn’t spend it on work. He sits at home and watches something online. He tells me about his ideas, plans how to implement it, but does nothing in practice.
Of course, I can’t say anything, he takes care of me, often cooks dinner, and also gives me full tenderness. And on the one hand, all this does not suit me, because I do not want to pull everything one by one, and on the other, I cannot constantly reproach him with a piece of bread, he has a vulnerable ego.
I understand that his childhood was difficult. He grew up in a poor family and was deprived of many benefits. I am very understanding and do not demand the impossible from him, but even my patience has its limits. Everything would be fine, except I don't feel like a woman anymore. I feel more like a draft horse.
You can't do without advice. I love him so much, I don't want to leave. But also to HusbandIt doesn't fit. What do I do? How do you fix it? ?
The situation is not easy and there is no universal advice here. It happens that the union, where the wife is much older, perfectly functions according to this scheme. He needs someone to take responsibility and solve issues, and he needs someone to take care of. It only works if you keep your balance.
In this case, the young man is clearly looking for support, help and care. In some ways, he even counts on forbearance and sympathy. He may not have had the opportunity to be a troubled teenager, but now he has. In such relationships, a woman is given the role of guardian and forgiving parent. But, apparently, the woman herself does not want such a role.
The husband fully endows his wife with tenderness and care, but he does not intend to take responsibility for finances. We think he's just continuing to act out a childhood scenario: a woman is an adult and he's a little kid who's owed. He was slapped and now an adult has to reimburse him. The woman plays along with him so as not to destroy the relationship.
The only problem is that it is not clear what these relations are based on and what will be built on next. The woman will have to adapt, but it is unlikely that her patience will last long. The question is whether she is willing to put up with it. Here's our opinion on that. What do you think? What should be done in this situation?
Editorial "Site" He wants to share this story with you and see what you think about it. From the reader's words.
“There is a strange situation in my family that I cannot deal with on my own. Give me some advice. I'm 46, married. My husband is 20 years younger than me. They had to deal with him on the basis of insane passion, no one thought about the consequences. Began a stormy romance, six months later decided to move in, another 3 months legalized the relationship.
I will tell you right away, he is kind, soft and very gentle. It is interesting with him, he is educated and well-read, does not drink, does not give reasons for jealousy, loves me. Overall, we're very good together.
You know, my mom always told me, if you want to be a general, you have to marry a lieutenant first. A hint that the husband should choose a promising, young and full of enthusiasm. I guess I only guessed with one point.
While we were dating, he kept saying he had his own business. So I thought he was resourceful and could earn money. But then it turned out that this business somehow does not bring money, only requires investment. I am a wealthy woman, although not rich, but I support myself.
It's not so important to me that he brings a lot of money into the house, but rather that he tries and moves forward. Husband doesn't want to workHe actually sits around my neck. The apartment is mine, I pay for the communal, and I buy groceries too. Even my money goes into his business. He's happy he's ready for everything.
He has time, but he doesn’t spend it on work. He sits at home and watches something online. He tells me about his ideas, plans how to implement it, but does nothing in practice.
Of course, I can’t say anything, he takes care of me, often cooks dinner, and also gives me full tenderness. And on the one hand, all this does not suit me, because I do not want to pull everything one by one, and on the other, I cannot constantly reproach him with a piece of bread, he has a vulnerable ego.
I understand that his childhood was difficult. He grew up in a poor family and was deprived of many benefits. I am very understanding and do not demand the impossible from him, but even my patience has its limits. Everything would be fine, except I don't feel like a woman anymore. I feel more like a draft horse.
You can't do without advice. I love him so much, I don't want to leave. But also to HusbandIt doesn't fit. What do I do? How do you fix it? ?
The situation is not easy and there is no universal advice here. It happens that the union, where the wife is much older, perfectly functions according to this scheme. He needs someone to take responsibility and solve issues, and he needs someone to take care of. It only works if you keep your balance.
In this case, the young man is clearly looking for support, help and care. In some ways, he even counts on forbearance and sympathy. He may not have had the opportunity to be a troubled teenager, but now he has. In such relationships, a woman is given the role of guardian and forgiving parent. But, apparently, the woman herself does not want such a role.
The husband fully endows his wife with tenderness and care, but he does not intend to take responsibility for finances. We think he's just continuing to act out a childhood scenario: a woman is an adult and he's a little kid who's owed. He was slapped and now an adult has to reimburse him. The woman plays along with him so as not to destroy the relationship.
The only problem is that it is not clear what these relations are based on and what will be built on next. The woman will have to adapt, but it is unlikely that her patience will last long. The question is whether she is willing to put up with it. Here's our opinion on that. What do you think? What should be done in this situation?
