How to learn to firmly but politely refuse a request

The consequences of wanting to say no is always disastrous. We prefer to avoid the internal discomfort of refusal and agree, and after all, we have to deal with everything ourselves. Why do you need to know how to refuse and why you should do it on time?

Psychologists have long found that many mental problems are associated with our fear of rejection. Lack of time for themselves, quarrels in the family and a broken friendship. This is the result of our inability to refuse correctly. You don't have to go far for an example. How often have you had the wrong haircut in the barbershop, and you just agreed, couldn’t have the courage to give the master your opinion and leave?



Why do we feel so bad about refusing? There are several reasons. First, we are afraid of offending people and feel guilty. Second, we want to be loved, and it seems to us that giving up will definitely lower that love. There is often low self-esteem involved. Third, we are taught throughout our childhood that we must be comfortable and help everyone around us.



I think you've already realized that all of these reasons are not objective. You can and should fight them if you do not want to become a victim of manipulation. How do you do that?

How to learn to refuse correctly

1. Internal installation
   
   
   
   Read carefully all the reasons mentioned above. Understand that You don't owe anyone anything.. You don’t have to be “comfortable” or “good.” You are an ordinary living person with your own needs and feelings that others should consider.
   
   
2. Good start.
   
   
   
   Just start saying no. Yes, at first it will seem that the whole world will turn against you, and then just collapse. However, you will see that nothing like this will happen. People will understand that you are not a sled horse to push around. And how can you feel relief when you don’t have to, for example? feast with an unloved relative. You got the courage to say no.
   
   
3. Convenient way
   
   
   
   At first, when it is still fearful and difficult to refuse, choose any convenient way for you to do it. For example, write a negative message if you are afraid to speak in person. For example, you get a call with some completely inappropriate request. Tell your husband/wife to talk about it and then write a letter.
   
   
4. Lack of justification
   
   
   
   Learn to refuse clearly, succinctly, and without a thousand excuses. If necessary, you can indicate a specific reason in a calm voice. It is not necessary to “lay” in front of a person or open a fountain of apologies. Sometimes you can refuse and immediately. propose an alternativeOne that will be comfortable for you.
   
   

Refusing, you will really experience not the most pleasant emotions at first. However, believe me, the amount of annoyance associated with the fulfillment of all reluctantly promised will be much greater. Appreciate yourself and your time.