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10 rules of survival in paired with an injured partner
How to save your life and health in tandem with an injured partner?How long can I love a man who insists that you don't like him, offended, accuses you of lacking attention to yourself?
And how many would not have given the love, care and attention, he will be hungry and unhappy and will constantly have to blame the fact that you are cold, inconsiderate and not sacrifice their interests for the sake of it. Soon you will realize how much you have given love, she will fall into the abyss of discontent of a loved one and he will still be hungry and unsatisfied. Why is this happening?
Because your partner has no experience of love and he can't recognize love and caring, in fact, he can't make it. For him the proof of love is some kind of brutal sacrifice on your part, when you for partner will have to reject entirely themselves and their needs.
So where are these people, what happened to them that they are getting the love from the other constantly resort to psychological violence, manipulation, control and other forms of pressure? And with them actually happened next. At a very early age, when they were completely dependent on the mother and felt that mother is the whole world, they didn't feel needed.
No Mama cared for, fed, swaddled, and sometimes even played, but emotionally she was not with child. It was not included in the relationship with the child and built him affection. Not because, of course, that she deliberately did that, no, she had never had an experience of love. How could she possibly know how to create emotional attachment with the baby? She was more fixed on making the porridge was the right temperature, your ears peeking out from under hats, diaper all ironed, sleep mode are met. And she jumped up in the night to check whether the child breathes, because the frantic anxiety and fear of loss seized her so deep that sorry, no love here.
This mother later informs the child of his mother's heroism and sacrifice, and ultimately puts himself in front of the child on a pedestal of Holiness: "I am the best mother in the world!". And the daughter or son believe her of course. But! imprinted in the unconscious pattern of love is sacrifice, love is heroism! And when a man grows up he has no other criterion of love besides. But in my heart is a gaping crater of injury — hunger of love, rejection, neglect, emotional distantnost.
And this child, carrying the heart experience emotional coldness, which he received in his earliest relations with the world ( mother) dedicates his entire life to deserve someone's love and be filled with it, to finally satisfy that wild hunger of love. All his life he can look in the eyes of other people endorsing mother, the mirror which reflects all the best that there is, as in personality, but he never finds the one lost in early childhood mother. Getting into relationships with other people, such a person becomes or very helpful, almost a slave, only in order again to fail in a relationship, not to get emotionally ( or physically ) abandoned or it becomes insatiably demanding and eternally dissatisfied — underfed, hungry -child, who partner sees as the function of the Breasts with milk, from which flows endless love.
And fill this abyss, this open hungry mouth you never will, because you did not give birth and you will be wildly uncomfortable in such a relationship, because you won't understand why, no matter how much you do and not give myself a favorite, he constantly nags you in some way cheated him. The fact that your partner sees the real you (th), he is projecting on you her mother. He wants you instead of his mother, who had failed to perform their maternal functions patched that hole, and healed his injury. But, again, I repeat: you did not give birth!
But if as a psychologist, I would say that you are involved with the family scenario in the game where your power is incomparably small. Because in front of you stands a powerful enemy — the whole family of your partner. And you are one.
You would with your generic script to handle, to understand how they poison the lives ( after all, you are the gift turned out to be with such a partner in the bundle ), and then you hang the inherited problems of your partner and you become a kind of garbage bin that merges all the negativity kind of your partner's sins — speaking the language of religion, you assume.
Such relationships are doomed to failure and fiasco. Because the game is very uneven and you run the risk of prematurely "playing the box". There is nothing to realize and it just seems that some dark forces of hell unleash the pendulum of your suffering. Yes, of course, your partner suffers too. Of course, because he used to suffer in childhood and unconsciously he offers you to live by his rules: to suffer, sacrifice, love. This love very soon turns into hell. But in fact there is not even worth to talk about love, because where there is suffering, pain, fear, guilt there can be no love.
And to escape from such a relationship is incredibly difficult. But you will want and you will attempt to escape, but the entire family system partner and he is in complete enmity to you I will let you go. Why? Yes, because you are trash for problems of the breed, you feed, live blood, which is pumped out from you who is behind your sweetheart first and foremost, his mother. Of course, they are not evil maniacs, they do this in order to be happy and not suffer. After all, all living beings want to be happy and not to suffer. But think how large you have risks in this situation of Contracting an incurable disease, if you don't realize what's really going on and where you hit.
But, if you're aware of it already, after reading this article, topazolite, what can you do to save your life, your psychological and physical safety:
First:Try to still as difficult as it was not to avoid the idea that you can live alone (n) — being alone is as scary as it seems, and sometimes it is compared with all the suffering which you are experiencing by participating in this dangerous game.
Second: Put all into place: "I'm not a mom ( not dad ), I'm your partner and I have my boundaries and right to say "no".
Third: practice the word "no" in a relationship with a partner. Say the word in the same way in which you say "Yes" to requests and demands of the partner.
Fourth: if you said "no", then do not change anything. be firm and consistent.
Fifth: do not be afraid of conflict, they will only clean your relationship.
Sixth: get rid of the guilt that you have generously shared your kind partner. Remember that in this world you don't owe anyone anything, nor you. No one is obliged to meet the expectations of the other. You can tell the partner or silently: "I return your kind and your family, the feeling of guilt that I shared with you. This guilt is not mine. It's all yours."
Seventh: Give love and care as much, and even then, how much and when you can do it out of joy and generosity. Do not do anything of abuse. better deny at the request of the partner.
Eighth: if you notice. what your partner does not behave quite as an adult and blames you that you do not give enough attention and love, here divide the responsibility between yourself, your partner and his mother, telling him something like this: "I love you, but I can't be responsible for what happened to you in early childhood. I will not take responsibility for the sins of your mother and your family. I am your partner not a parent to you."
Ninth: Be attentive to the manipulations of a partner, notice them. It can be accusations of manipulation on the shame of devaluing you as a person or comparison with others. Stop it, calling a spade a spade: "it was manipulation or depreciation or rebuke. I'm not going to talk in this language, if you want something, ask". As any twit can be rephrased in the request.
Tenth: if you have already managed to give birth with such a partner, children, roll up your sleeves and work on setting the person's clear boundaries with him. Do not take on the role of his mommy or daddy, watch yourself and be aware of how you support this kind of relationship in which you don't see as a person and see only function. published
Author: Etna Color
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: //www.facebook.com/juliettissa/photos/a.159817377793199.1073741828.123376221437315/193982367710033/?type=3&theater
And how many would not have given the love, care and attention, he will be hungry and unhappy and will constantly have to blame the fact that you are cold, inconsiderate and not sacrifice their interests for the sake of it. Soon you will realize how much you have given love, she will fall into the abyss of discontent of a loved one and he will still be hungry and unsatisfied. Why is this happening?
Because your partner has no experience of love and he can't recognize love and caring, in fact, he can't make it. For him the proof of love is some kind of brutal sacrifice on your part, when you for partner will have to reject entirely themselves and their needs.
So where are these people, what happened to them that they are getting the love from the other constantly resort to psychological violence, manipulation, control and other forms of pressure? And with them actually happened next. At a very early age, when they were completely dependent on the mother and felt that mother is the whole world, they didn't feel needed.
No Mama cared for, fed, swaddled, and sometimes even played, but emotionally she was not with child. It was not included in the relationship with the child and built him affection. Not because, of course, that she deliberately did that, no, she had never had an experience of love. How could she possibly know how to create emotional attachment with the baby? She was more fixed on making the porridge was the right temperature, your ears peeking out from under hats, diaper all ironed, sleep mode are met. And she jumped up in the night to check whether the child breathes, because the frantic anxiety and fear of loss seized her so deep that sorry, no love here.
This mother later informs the child of his mother's heroism and sacrifice, and ultimately puts himself in front of the child on a pedestal of Holiness: "I am the best mother in the world!". And the daughter or son believe her of course. But! imprinted in the unconscious pattern of love is sacrifice, love is heroism! And when a man grows up he has no other criterion of love besides. But in my heart is a gaping crater of injury — hunger of love, rejection, neglect, emotional distantnost.
And this child, carrying the heart experience emotional coldness, which he received in his earliest relations with the world ( mother) dedicates his entire life to deserve someone's love and be filled with it, to finally satisfy that wild hunger of love. All his life he can look in the eyes of other people endorsing mother, the mirror which reflects all the best that there is, as in personality, but he never finds the one lost in early childhood mother. Getting into relationships with other people, such a person becomes or very helpful, almost a slave, only in order again to fail in a relationship, not to get emotionally ( or physically ) abandoned or it becomes insatiably demanding and eternally dissatisfied — underfed, hungry -child, who partner sees as the function of the Breasts with milk, from which flows endless love.
And fill this abyss, this open hungry mouth you never will, because you did not give birth and you will be wildly uncomfortable in such a relationship, because you won't understand why, no matter how much you do and not give myself a favorite, he constantly nags you in some way cheated him. The fact that your partner sees the real you (th), he is projecting on you her mother. He wants you instead of his mother, who had failed to perform their maternal functions patched that hole, and healed his injury. But, again, I repeat: you did not give birth!
But if as a psychologist, I would say that you are involved with the family scenario in the game where your power is incomparably small. Because in front of you stands a powerful enemy — the whole family of your partner. And you are one.
You would with your generic script to handle, to understand how they poison the lives ( after all, you are the gift turned out to be with such a partner in the bundle ), and then you hang the inherited problems of your partner and you become a kind of garbage bin that merges all the negativity kind of your partner's sins — speaking the language of religion, you assume.
Such relationships are doomed to failure and fiasco. Because the game is very uneven and you run the risk of prematurely "playing the box". There is nothing to realize and it just seems that some dark forces of hell unleash the pendulum of your suffering. Yes, of course, your partner suffers too. Of course, because he used to suffer in childhood and unconsciously he offers you to live by his rules: to suffer, sacrifice, love. This love very soon turns into hell. But in fact there is not even worth to talk about love, because where there is suffering, pain, fear, guilt there can be no love.
And to escape from such a relationship is incredibly difficult. But you will want and you will attempt to escape, but the entire family system partner and he is in complete enmity to you I will let you go. Why? Yes, because you are trash for problems of the breed, you feed, live blood, which is pumped out from you who is behind your sweetheart first and foremost, his mother. Of course, they are not evil maniacs, they do this in order to be happy and not suffer. After all, all living beings want to be happy and not to suffer. But think how large you have risks in this situation of Contracting an incurable disease, if you don't realize what's really going on and where you hit.
But, if you're aware of it already, after reading this article, topazolite, what can you do to save your life, your psychological and physical safety:
First:Try to still as difficult as it was not to avoid the idea that you can live alone (n) — being alone is as scary as it seems, and sometimes it is compared with all the suffering which you are experiencing by participating in this dangerous game.
Second: Put all into place: "I'm not a mom ( not dad ), I'm your partner and I have my boundaries and right to say "no".
Third: practice the word "no" in a relationship with a partner. Say the word in the same way in which you say "Yes" to requests and demands of the partner.
Fourth: if you said "no", then do not change anything. be firm and consistent.
Fifth: do not be afraid of conflict, they will only clean your relationship.
Sixth: get rid of the guilt that you have generously shared your kind partner. Remember that in this world you don't owe anyone anything, nor you. No one is obliged to meet the expectations of the other. You can tell the partner or silently: "I return your kind and your family, the feeling of guilt that I shared with you. This guilt is not mine. It's all yours."
Seventh: Give love and care as much, and even then, how much and when you can do it out of joy and generosity. Do not do anything of abuse. better deny at the request of the partner.
Eighth: if you notice. what your partner does not behave quite as an adult and blames you that you do not give enough attention and love, here divide the responsibility between yourself, your partner and his mother, telling him something like this: "I love you, but I can't be responsible for what happened to you in early childhood. I will not take responsibility for the sins of your mother and your family. I am your partner not a parent to you."
Ninth: Be attentive to the manipulations of a partner, notice them. It can be accusations of manipulation on the shame of devaluing you as a person or comparison with others. Stop it, calling a spade a spade: "it was manipulation or depreciation or rebuke. I'm not going to talk in this language, if you want something, ask". As any twit can be rephrased in the request.
Tenth: if you have already managed to give birth with such a partner, children, roll up your sleeves and work on setting the person's clear boundaries with him. Do not take on the role of his mommy or daddy, watch yourself and be aware of how you support this kind of relationship in which you don't see as a person and see only function. published
Author: Etna Color
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: //www.facebook.com/juliettissa/photos/a.159817377793199.1073741828.123376221437315/193982367710033/?type=3&theater
