Liz Gilbert: 4 questions that will help determine "their" people

To cut a plain truth

Twenty years ago I was having lunch with his girlfriend in the same Mexican restaurant, when she suddenly said, "Liz, can I be honest with you?" I was so stupid in my 20 years, replied: "Yes, of course!" The next moment my friend pulled from her purse a dagger and stabbed me in the ribs.

Well, actually she's not really stabbed me. She just said that I'm selfish and lazy that I probably no writer will not, in General, no one likes my boyfriend. Yeah, last thing: my hair doesn't look great. I have too massive chin for short haircuts, so I look strange and inharmonious.

While I sucked in deep gulps of air, trying to stop the internal emotional bleeding, my friend moved the gravy boat to reach my hand with his hand.





"I'm your only friend that will tell you the truth, she said. That is why it is so important that we become closer, because the others just let you dust in the eyes". And I believed her. I was friends with this girl for another five years.

Every time I needed to make an important decision or to hear someone's opinion, I turned to her, and she's willing executioner cut me the "truth" in the eye.

Why I allowed you to torture yourself? Because I thought that due to her frankness and I'll be honest, but no thanks to its "openness" I was just injured.

A test of trust

I must say that my progress in the professional field (in which she did not believe) taught me just how harmful was it a criticism. Despite the predictions of my friends, I became a writer. And let their works to "the people" — also means to learn how to respond to criticism.

Slowly I began to realize that it is not obliged to accept criticism from everyone. Over time I learned to determine the type of reader who, in fact, addressed to my work. I developed four questions that help me to decide who to give to read the manuscript, and who may not:

• Do I trust the taste and judgment of this man?
  
  
• Does this man that I want to create?
  
  
• If you mean this man wants me to succeed?
  
  
• Able is this person to tell me the truth without wounding me?
  
  

If I can't answer "Yes" to all four questions, then I am such a person his manuscripts read not give. And the fourth is generally the most important, because actually readers and editors who offer me "the unvarnished truth", you say to me is not so much the truth how much does the naked stuff. And anyone who offers to listen to his "Frank" opinion, really just wants to be able to knock you off your feet.

However, issued without a drop of kindness, hardly anyone will help, it is not me, that's for sure. The cruelty makes me want to throw books and hide in a corner. Since then, I stopped to show your most secret (I'm talking about the manuscripts "in process") from the cruel people, my style has improved significantly.





But the most important thing is that I started to use this little "test of trust" and personal relationships. If I'm going to open up to someone, I need to know if I can trust this person, I need to know if I understand this man, whether he wishes me well and success, and most importantly, if he can be honest while remaining kind?

 



The man himself shows when we are depending on

Without a pair – so "lonely" and 9 kinds of lies that convinced you to believe

 

Here these people I began to surround ourselves with. And my life has gone in a new, good, light way. And then, one day, my friend with the dagger again asked me: "Can I be honest with you?". And I replied: "God forbid you!".

Don't worry, I actually spoke softer, because it is the only correct way to speak.published

 

Author: Elizabeth Gilbert

 



Source: womo.ua/komu-mozhno-doveryat-prostoy-test-ot-elizabet-gilbert/