Real love - how to understand do I need a divorce

Striving for the ideal of love, we can destroy what should be valued. Relationship with conflicts and difficulties do not suit us, but losing what you had, we still upset. Is it possible to evaluate what we hold dear, before a decision is made about the gap?

A teacher at Harvard, doctor of philosophy Tala Ben-Shachar rightly be called an expert on happiness. He has devoted a lot of research and shares with readers in his best-sellers. In the book "the paradox of the perfectionist" (Publishing house "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber"), he analyzes the underlying causes of our grievances in love and argues that it is possible to be happy and to be real people with their flaws.

Remove the rose-colored glasses In the romantic period, our choice seems to us to be perfect just because we don't know it. We fall in love rather than in person, and in an image taken from the songs and movies.

"My favorite song "I will always love you" Whitney Houston. In the top ten eight most favorite songs about love. Like many other people, I learned about romance stories of favorite songs, poems, movies and books."

To understand how you are frustrated in your relationship, consider, do you expect that your man will behave as you have seen in movies or read in novels. Real love is similar to what we see there, but did not repeat it exactly to a tee.

Do not tear relations during the crisis At a time when we realize that relationships in our life are different from what we imagined, we can feel the real tragedy. How is it that he lied to me, I'm allowed to do it or we just don't fit together? At this time, there is a risk to drop everything, really not understanding. In fact, you can just see the real picture and all of a sudden, scared. It is not necessary to decide this point.

"A sense of liberation occurs only when the lost illusions of love are replaced by reconciliation. This does not happen in a single moment.

The author advises to try to go through the unpleasant moments of insight and frustration, and only then draw conclusions.

Learn to fight For those who are looking for the perfect love, conflict is a constant threat. In fact, the dissent is absolutely normal for everyone, given that everyone is different. The Council of the author is to focus not on the quarrels, and on the positive aspects.

"Peter Frankel of the Center for the study of the family Institute Ackerman recommends to adhere to the principle of "sixty-two joyful moment." Instead of having to rely solely on special events and gifts, it is necessary to create at least three joyful moment in the day."

Get rid of stereotypes When relations come to a deadlock, divorce seems the only solution. But who said that can't be stop? Idealists are looking for constant movement, and the realists can use the pause to figure out how to be. The couple is one or more intractable conflicts – sex, children, money or relatives. Blame – again impossible expectations

"Over time, sexual relations are improving. It is a stone in the garden of popular opinion. Great sex is not the result of physiological responses to a partner, he unites our heart and mind with body."

In conclusion, the author advises exercise for those who find themselves at a crossroads – to divorce or not. Continue the following sentences, without thinking too long:

1. To improve my relationship with...

2. If I become a little more open person...

3. To bring into my relationship more intimate.

4. If I go to minimum yield...

5. To have in my life had more love...

Finish these phrases, you will be able to see new ways to develop your relationship and, perhaps, to understand that the decision to divorce was premature.

Source: domashniy.ru/