How to master the skill of conversation

What basic skills do you need to have to build a conversation?

What to say at the first meeting?

Few people think about it. Meanwhile, first impressions matter far more than most of us realize. And once it's formed, it's very difficult to change it.

Below you will find five tips that, according to science, can help make the most favorable impression on the interlocutor:

1) “Be yourself” advice is often not good enough.



Is it worth “being yourself” when you go to a meeting with a potential employer? Hardly.

You’ll probably try to dress elegantly, talk politely, and be enthusiastic about your future job – whether you like it or not, right?

What does it mean to be yourself? At different times in life, we behave differently. Each of us is in a bad mood from time to time.

Here, the best technique can be formulated as “Pretend until it becomes true”. It really works. Does that mean you are being dishonest? Absolutely not.

Studies show that by trying to show your best side, you can really become better:

In general, a positive self-presentation helps the interlocutor to make a better impression about you. Trying to show yourself in the most favorable light, you unwittingly reveal your true face.

2) Emphasize your similarity



We like people who are like us, and there’s plenty of evidence. Therefore, quite often the use in speech of words, turns, facial expressions and gestures, characteristic of other people, can help to establish a relationship with them.

Honest Signals: How They Shape Our World

In the course of the experiment, only eight of the sixty-nine students noticed that their movements were repeating, although in all other cases this was quite obvious. And these eight people noticed the trick only when they made an unusual movement and the participants of the experiment parodied it. The other students liked the person who copied their movements more than the person who didn't. Most of them found the imitator both more benevolent and more interesting, honest and convincing. In addition, they paid more attention to imitators and found their speech more convincing. In the end, simply copying the movements was able to increase sales by 20 percent.

(3)Let them talk about what interests them.



People who have difficulty communicating always say the same thing: “Well, what can I talk about?” That's the wrong question. The right question is, “How do you get people to talk about what interests them?”

From Prosperity: A new understanding of happiness and well-being:

Don't be a talkative narcissist. Do you want to get along with people? You can listen.

What do you say after you have listened? Research suggests the response should be "active and constructive."

(4) Try to say something nice to the person.



Studies show that regardless of what a person says, “pleasant” people make a greater impression on him than competent people.

Even insincere flattery works:

In the course of the study, sales agents began the conversation with compliments. If it was possible to elicit a favorable reaction from potential clients (hidden flattery), it persisted even when the agent’s motive became obvious (clear flattery).

Moreover, the impression formed during the period when the agent’s motive was not disclosed was so strong, and the effect of flattery was so subtle that the client’s attitude remained virtually unchanged, even when he began to understand what was really happening.

But how to make a person pleasant, and at the same time not to shave the soul? Very simple. Give a compliment and ask for advice.

(5) How to maintain a conversation



Avoid extremes. Do not try to pull on the blanket, but do not give the initiative to the interlocutor completely. Develop your thoughts and bring them back.

From Conscious Trust:

The trick is to avoid excessive independence when talking. After listening to the statement, adjust it slightly, and return to the interlocutor – and always with warmth and genuine interest in her or his words.

It is this ability to listen and correct someone else’s opinion that creates smoothness and “pleasure” of communication.

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