Secrets of communication: 10 ways to become a good interlocutor

Introduction. The ability to communicate is a key factor that shapes our social environment, career prospects, and even happiness. It directly depends on how effective your work in a team will be, how much you can make and maintain friendships, build relationships and achieve what you want. But what exactly makes a person a good interlocutor? You may think you need to be a chatty extrovert, gushing ideas and stories. In fact, this is just one stereotype. The true art of communication does not always imply eloquence: it is more important to be able to listen, to feel the interlocutor, to grasp the context and to speak essentially.

In this article, we will look at 10 ways that will help you improve your communication skills and become a pleasant conversationalist, to which others will be drawn. These principles are confirmed by modern psychology and sociological research (for example, the American Psychological Association), as well as the experience of public speakers, psychologists and simply observant people. We avoid binding to specific dates or events so that this information remains relevant for a long time. Are you ready to open the veil of “secrets” and look at communication from a new angle? Then let's go!



1. The ability to listen more actively than to talk
It seems paradoxical, but the best interlocutor is not the one who talks incessantly, but the one who knows how to listen attentively. By “active listening” is meant not just a silent presence, but an active participation in the conversation through clarifying questions, a nod of the head, remarks demonstrating your immersion in the topic.

• Why is that necessary? If your opponent sees that you are really interested in his opinion, he will open up emotionally and speak more openly.
• What to do in practice: Maintain eye contact, occasionally paraphrase what you heard (“Do I understand correctly that...?”), be genuinely involved in the discussion.

Studies in social psychology show that people who feel “heard” are much more likely to trust the interlocutor and are more willing to cooperate. So listening is a powerful tool for forming strong bonds.

2. The art of asking questions
If you want to be an interesting conversationalist, ask the right questions – and not just “letting” you talk about yourself. Clarifying, leading, open questions show your counterpart that you appreciate his point of view and are ready to dive deeper into the topic. For example, instead of “How do you feel about your job?” ask “What do you like most about your job and why?”

• Clarify the details: Ask what attracts the interlocutor in his hobby, how he came to a particular conclusion.
• Don’t try to “catch” your opponent by saying: Questions should not look like questioning, but rather structure them in a friendly tone.

This approach helps to conduct the conversation on a deeper level, rather than being limited to the “question-stamps” that usually cause monosyllable answers.

3. Choose the appropriate tone and words
Each person is different: someone perceives formal language as a sign of respect, and someone is closer to emotionally colored phrases and informal jokes. Consider the context and audience. In the family circle or among friends, simpler, more emotional words are allowed. At work or with strangers, a more restrained lexicon is appropriate.

• Council: Pay attention to the response of the interlocutor: if he begins to “stand aside” or looks confused, perhaps your style of speech is too far from his habit.

The right “tone” is the balance between intimacy and respect for another’s personal space. Having formed this habit, you will be able to adapt more easily to different environments, maintaining naturalness.



4. Stay calm and friendly even in conflict.
Being a good conversationalist is not only the ability to inspire and entertain, but also the ability to exercise restraint in heated discussions. If conflict is inevitable, try to keep a friendly tone, avoid using insults and personalities.

• What it looks like: You might say, I respect your opinion, but I see things differently. Can we discuss the facts?”
• Benefits: avoidance of emotional outbursts allows you to resolve the dispute on the merits, strengthens the reputation of a person who knows how to “keep himself in control”.

According to the APA, people who engage constructively in conflict are less likely to suffer from stress and anxiety, and their social relationships tend to be more resilient.

5. Give compliments sincerely and accurately
In today’s world, the abundance of flattering words can sometimes be suspected that praise is insincere or “corruptible.” A good interlocutor can clearly formulate compliments without causing a feeling of “flattery”. Try to notice specific details that you really admire: “I like the way you structure your thoughts”, “You are great at creating coziness”.

• Why it works: A sincere compliment increases the self-esteem of the interlocutor and builds trust. He sees you noticing his personality and accomplishments.

6. Use nonverbal signals to your advantage
According to studies, most of the information in communication is transmitted by non-verbal means: facial expressions, gestures, posture, intonation. A smile, open hands (not crossed on your chest), a confident voice and a straight look confirm your words and make communication more comfortable.

• Lifehack: Check whether you are slouching, tilting your head too low, because all this affects the perception of you as a person.
• Effect: A confident but friendly body language says, “I am ready for dialogue, with sincere intentions.”

Do not forget that these signals should not be “played”, otherwise the interlocutor may catch the artificiality and perceive you as a manipulator.



7. Be attentive to the context and nuances
People do not live in a vacuum: everyone has their own baggage of experiences, cultural experience, current problems. A good interlocutor is sensitive to the context in which a person is: perhaps he is tired, tense, or just feels bad. Try to understand why the interlocutor expresses himself in this way and not otherwise.

• How to achieve this: If a person speaks in short phrases and looks at the floor, he may not be in the mood for a long conversation. Try to adjust your communication style based on this.

8. Avoid pulling the blanket over yourself.
One of the most common mistakes is the desire to “interrupt” the interlocutor and move on to the story about yourself. However, a true dialogue culture implies a balanced exchange of replicas. Let the other person speak, don’t try to shift the focus to yourself immediately.

• Result: The interlocutor feels that he is appreciated, and in the conversation there is depth, not “monologues for two”.
• Case study: If the interlocutor shares the joy of success at work, do not immediately answer “And I have such and such a new victory!”, but rather continue to ask the details.

9. Don’t be afraid to show vulnerability.
It is believed that a good interlocutor is someone who is always “cool”, strong and confident. But it’s not uncommon for people to open up more deeply when they see that you, too, can admit to mistakes, fears, and questions that don’t always know how to solve. Vulnerability (within reasonable limits) creates an atmosphere of trust.

• Important: Distinguish between vulnerability and trying to pass on to the interlocutor all the problems. It’s enough to demonstrate that you’re not a “robot” and that you have emotions.

10. End the conversation with a positive note.
Whether you’ve discussed difficult topics or just nice little things, try to end the conversation with the positive. It can be a phrase like “I liked our conversation, I hope we will continue soon”, a thank you for your time or a compliment about the thought that the interlocutor expressed.

• Psychological effect: People leave with the feeling that they have been heard and appreciated. This reinforces the desire to maintain contact in the future.

Conclusion
Communication is not magic or an innate talent, but for the most part a skill that can be developed in practice. A good conversationalist is not necessarily the loudest or most eloquent person in the room. This is primarily someone who knows how to listen, ask questions, maintain emotional balance and adapt to context.

We looked at 10 ways to boost your communication skills, from the banal but effective ability to listen and ask the right questions to more subtle things like picking up nonverbal signals and displaying vulnerability. These techniques are relevant in a wide range of situations: from small talk with unfamiliar people to deep conversations with loved ones.

Ultimately, the art of conversation is not about “talking,” but about “connecting” with another person, understanding their world, and gradually opening your own. If you begin to apply these principles consistently, you will very soon see how your conversations become more interesting, and the environment reacts to you more friendly and interested. And most importantly, you will feel how rich and deep dialogue can be when there is a sincere mutual involvement.