Clean contact: about double message Bashny.Net

I love to put psychodrama dialogues. It looks like this:

two chairs, one by one man voiced by the real Replica, but I every time I specify to the replica "and I hear ..." and then - "I actually want to say ...»

. It helps to understand the purity of contact between the parties. Because very often in the dialogue it seems that everything is understood. And when it unfold - not all, not all, if not never sounded what they wanted to say

.


Some time ago I was in a very significant dialogue. I'll bring it.

The conversation led the girl and the young man on the phone. So:

The actual replica: How do you feel
? Real replica: Are you ready to take care of me
? What hears opponent: Are you ready to take care of me

? The actual answer is: feel good. I am going home.
Real remark: I am ready to take care of you
. What he hears opponent: I am ready to take care of you

. The actual remark: You want to go to the movies
? Real replica: I want you to take me to a movie
. What hears opponent: You sure about ready to take care of me?

The actual answer is: I do not mind to go to the cinema
. Real replica: Yes, I definitely ready to take care of you
. What hears opponent: Yes, I can use

. The actual remark I finish at six, can you pick me up from work
. Real remark: I have chosen the theater and film, already know where we will go
. What he hears opponent: I've chosen a cinema and the film already know where we will go.

The actual answer today? Right now? I'm not sure that I'm now ready to go to the movies. I really want to meet with you, but I need to get to the house, to realize as much as possible today.

Real replica: Today I will not go to the movies. But I really want to meet with you, and it is very difficult to refuse you. So I need to gather the strength to do it.
What opponent hears: I do not want to take care of you. (Reaction: anger, indignation)

The actual remark: Well, how do you decide - call.
Real remark: I understand that you refuse me, but I can not show that I understood it, because then I'll look manipulator.
What hears opponent: Well, how you decide - call.

Some time later, a second call:

The actual answer is: I thought, and I realized that today can not you go to the movies, because it is very tired, but I can on any other day except tomorrow
. Real replica: I really want to take care of you, but today I could not do
. What opponent hears: I do not care about you, and I dictate to you their terms (again, anger, outrage, plus bewilderment)

. The actual replica: No, all the remaining days of the week I'll be busy today was a unique day when I could meet with you
. Real remark: I am very angry, I will not play by your rules, rules can only be my
. What hears opponent: I'm offended, I will not play by your rules, rules can only be my

. The actual answer is: OK (hangs up)
. Real answer: I'm tired of your manipulation and requirements, you're ready to talk differently - call
. What opponent hears: I do not want to take care of you, I will not play by your rules, you're lost.

Unearthly beauty, is not it? And such nonsense - almost anywhere banal dialogue. No one is saying that he wants to say. At all. This is under the illusion that he spoke sincerely and understood opponent.

Purification messages - one of the tasks of therapy. Otherwise, if the dialogue is constantly being built to double (or even triple), contrary to the letters themselves, the chance that will receive an error (in this they are clearly visible dialog) is very large.

Author: Adrian Imzh