When there I was about five put me in a corner, and in the hallway and near the storage area, and themselves are gone into the other room. Then the words of my mother: sit in a room, suddenly heard a terrible roar, after a while there you are satisfied with the mug and skiing:
 - And you do I not allowed to go out?
 - Yes!
 - And I did not come out! I left!
 More in the corner did not put.
 P.S. Childhood however!))

Prof offers all disciplines put him on the table pile, so that no one rustled papers and quietly sit down at their desks, they say, it will call one by one.

Further, the student is called, sits in front of the teacher.
 Work titulnikom put down a student and asks: "What are the theme of your work» ...
... Polgruppy "gone" immediately.

Call the hotline:
 -Hello, Help! My friend smoked, climbed into a washing machine and go !!!

My mother comes to his son:
 - I brought you a photo. This is your real father.
 - Oh my God!!! I baby photos!

If you do not have a father, then right-click on the desktop and select "create a folder".

Among other things, the law of Archimedes has not been canceled !!!
 And because of these two peppers in each bottle of Nemiroff ...
 WE do not add 50 grams !!!

Mom hatched strawberry seedlings ...
 Malyuyusenkie ... she shoots at them does not breathe ...
 Pope Carries boast (grade rare-lusted) "Here-says-we will have strawberries!" Dad, putting a chainsaw: "Do not be glut oneself!»

Achinskogo flight school graduate arrives at the place of service. Having a personal weapon - a TT pistol, out on the porch, gently on a new weapon looks and says:
 - AH, here you are, the SU-27!

Send this s @ nude 10 users, he s @ s @ ёshsya other @ s @ s and let them eat each other pos @ g @ yvayut!

As enticing promotional footage from the new movie! And how miserable they are joined together.

"We always feel that we are loved because we are good. And do not guess that we love what is good, those who love us. »

Jew hanging over the abyss, grasped hold of the bush. He looks at the sky and says:
 - God, help!
 - Let go of the bush! - Hear from heaven.
 - I'm afraid!
 - Go, who they say!
 Jew plaintively:
 - Tell me, up there anyone else there?

 - Why are you arguing with a customer? Do you not know that the customer is always right?
 - I know of course! But it argues that it is not right!

A good family man, passionate lover, a tireless worker, sympathetic friend, a wonderful man - and it's not me.

 - Guys, take me to the army!
 - So you have the same enuresis!
 - And I said, 'Will you for the Germans ».

 - I look at you and think - what would you do if there was no TV, no newspapers, no computers, no cars, just a rope, soap and a hook?

There was one boy in the world, which is terribly afraid of the dark. So every time he blinked, he lost consciousness ...

Guy brought home a girl and tells her:
 - Lie down in bed!
 - You what? We hardly know each Durga.
 - The bed!
 - We do not know the month!
 - The bed!
 - And we know in general there!
 - Adolf Hitler, you know?
 - Yes.
 - Then in the bed !!!

In short, praznuem new year with family, mom, dad, grandmother and other relatives + child 2 years (preamble. Teaches a child with a babysitter songs every day). And chimes. Groceries. Anthem. We get are identical, listen. It sounds anthem. And then in the second minute the baby starts (completely in tact anthem) - & quot; Teeeper I cheeeeburashka and kaaaazhdayaya dvornyayayashka at vstrecheee .... & quot ;. Curtain. )))

Social-Political Movement "Writers against the wind!».

Since ancient times, in the Russian feasts soup served at the beginning to ensure that guests are not burned his face.

 - Ale is a restaurant?
 - Yes, hello!
 - We would like you to book a table at 7:00 ...
 - Good! Chairs will be ordered?

Lying on the couch, scratching his broken heart ...

 - I bought crackers to beer flavored sugar.
 - Fool, this refined!

The peculiarity of Russian freedom of speech is that I can say whatever I want to, but if I start to justify their point of view - I pissets.

 - My boss is always on the fly ...
 - What - just drunk?
 - No, just shit!

Night. Silence Suddenly a terrible cry:
 - Help! I killed a man !!!
 It takes a couple of minutes. Again the cry, even worse than the first:
 - Help! I killed another one !!!

Kazakhstan's ice hockey team was unable to obtain permission from the Olympic Committee to act on horseback.
 - Mom, who are the weatherman?
 - It - small sinopty. Sleep, aphids!

You can not shave the touch - do not drink at night.

Ministry of Emergency Situations of the Russian Federation announced a beauty contest ...
 The working title of "Miss fucked-2007».

 - What are you so sad?
 - Yes, that's - my son was born ...
 - What you call?
 - Louis ...
 - And why Louis? !!!
 - Yes, because the fourteenth * lyad !!!

Lenin was exiled to Shushenskoye, and he scored on this and agreed with Pushkin went to Mikhailovskoye. Accordingly, Shushenskoe drove Pushkin.
 That's what occurred first in the history of link exchange ...

It's bad when you come home, and the wife asks, "What have you on the wrong?» ...
 And even worse, when she asks, "What is it you have a good ...».

"Who is who else will break!" - Said Tuzik inflated to 10 atmospheres, hot-water bottle.

If you waste your time on trifles - so you do not trifle.

Often, you are advised to rein himself only to later on you go.

Beat only a heart of stone.

The fastest way to brighter prospects opened with a corkscrew.

The lesson of the Russian language in Ukrainian schools.

Master Peter, the word "Shablya" is translated into Russian as "sword" and not as "quiet girl» ...

 - Why are you so gloomy?
 - Yes, damn it, the morning came smska "you suffer from the Presidential Administration. Get ready, you will face serious problems ».
 - I found, what about steam! I'm sure it's someone you playing!
 - Yes, I thought so too at first. Only here smska came from the number "1»!

Sitting himself a god in heaven, there appears before him and scientist says:
 - Congratulate us, O Lord, you give us no longer needed. We, the scientists finally invented a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we are now able to do what you did at first.
 - Oh, really? It's interesting ...
 - Yes, we can take dirt and blind from her likeness of you, and then breathe life into it, and thus create a human.
 - Health, Come, show!
 - Look! - A scientist bent down and began to shovel the earth under their feet into a pile.
 - Hey, wait a minute! - Interrupted his god. - You first create himself his own land!


See also


Subscribe to our groups in social networks!

New and interesting