Most people spend a lot of time just to get the courage and prepare yourself for a difficult conversation with another person. It's hard, isn't it? Nobody likes to start a conversation in which we are required to report an existing conflict. But if you do decide to talk about his version of the truth and have previously seen that does not falsify the facts, pay attention to these tips. They will help you more successfully throw the ball to your opponent could catch him.Take responsibility for the wrongs
If you are told the person you were chronically angry and offended by it, then you need to take responsibility for yourself – that is your task.
A story to someone about how much harm he/she caused you over the past year probably won't lead to anything good, especially if what you're upset, it affects the conversations that took place over a month ago. In this case, you put your opponent in an awkward position when he or she would have to try to remember what was said.
After more than a few weeks, be honest with yourself and think: no one can remember what was said with 100% accuracy, especially the intonation with which they were uttered those words, or the context in which they were spoken. You should focus on the problem, you need to cautiously begin to speak of her, and not blame the head of an opponent five things he said or did wrong.Take responsibility for your feelings
"Just because you feel these emotions, does not mean that they did something deliberately to cause you these feelings."
This is the mantra that can greatly affect your relationship, especially in marriage. You can be sure that someone's behavior indicates A, B or C. You can also take this behavior into your account. Even if you think that you are not capable, you still need to perform their behaviour, because, although I can't say this with scientific accuracy, I assume that 90 percent of conflicts occur precisely because a lot of people take things too much to heart.
Hastily written email? Someone forgot to respond to a voice mail message? Your husband doesn't appear to be interested in the article in the magazine that you wanted to talk? Your friend sent you a greeting card happy birthday a week late? That's what irritates and Angers people, and it's not personal, it is not necessary to take that personally. People are busy. People are forgetful. People are interested in the same thing. Stop make it – especially how much someone loves you or doesn't like. Think about how you would feel if I visited the place of another person.
If you start the conversation with accusations, you'll start the conversation with accusations. In this case, it is not a meeting of two equal individuals who respect each other.
If you do not respect the other person, you can't expect respect from your opponent.Use simple and accessible language
Find ways to tell us about your needs and requests so that you sound natural, the way you normally talk. Again, you throw the ball so that your opponent could catch him, because this is the only way by which two people can really communicate.Give the opponent time to gather my thoughts and reply
Many of us grew up with parents who, when they wanted we no longer behave badly, say something like: "If you do not cease to behave so, then I will cease to talk to you!" The consequences of our behavior once it became clear to us. Are you doing Well? Then you will get B.
It may seem very tempting to try to go back to the time of the conflict and try to deal with it, which is quite usual in modern society, imbued with the ideas and messages of self-improvement.
"If she doesn't stop to do it, then he/she is the friend who won't teach me anything good, so I don't need to communicate more!"
Problem: if you allow this negative energy to enter the conversation, nothing good you will not.
When someone yells at you, does something dangerous or not prevset their emotions, then Yes, you should inform the person about the impact of their behavior on you and the limits of your patience.
It is very important that you in such cases, said, "I feel disrespected when you _______and if it doesn't stop, I will hang up".
But if the conflict relates to everyday life and your everyday life? Be open to negotiations to your opponent, instead of to construct preventive barriers. Give people free space to be able to make your thoughts, breathe with them and try to feel how you both work together on possible solutions to the problems – and not as if they will get retribution for what do not think.Start difficult conversations, having a few solutions to the problem
Most people think mainly about how to tell someone that they are upset.
Less attention is given to how to find mutually acceptable solutions.
Let's say that a friend forgot about your birthday. You know that some part of you takes it personally, of course, your friend loves you and that he/she forgot your birthday, it was absolutely unintentional. At the same time, you feel some distance. You notice that in that moment when your friend forgot your birthday, you suddenly remembered all the occasions when he/she forgets something important to you.
To mind comes the thought that, perhaps, is a recurring script that you would like to end, because this causes a rupture in your relationship, the feeling of separation.
Remove the focus from that to get an apology from his opponent. It just presents you a victim of the conflict, and your opponent – the originator of the event.
Instead, select the focus on how you can bring more understanding in your relationship. Brainstorm to find solutions to problems. What methods exist that all interested parties can satisfy their needs for understanding?
This may mean that one solution is acceptance. Sometimes we need to love people as they are, instead of wanting them changed.
You may just have to accept the fact that your partner continually forgets everything. Sometimes on this you will just laugh. And perhaps you two can make a deal, leaving all within the ease: "a New rule of friendship: the One who forgets birthdays, to shell out on a fancy restaurant!"
By all means start the conversation, being willing to share their feelings regarding the situation with respect to his opponent, ready to stay honest. At the same time, if the topic of conversation – the problem apologize to your opponent in front of you and change his behavior in order to make you happy – most people will feel resentment due to the fact that they encourage this.
At the end of the day, throwing the ball so that someone could catch him, don't forget to show your love. When the desire is mutual understanding between two equal people brought to the forefront of the conversation, then everyone feels less tense, and there is a high probability that all interested participants will meet their needs.