At the beginning of the quote from the book "Crying: the mystery of tears" (Crying: The Mystery of Tears, Dr. William H. Frey II, with Muriel Langseth, 1985).
P. 102 "I have received many letters from grown men who write that not wept since his childhood and would like to restore the ability to cry. Their history is similar to the one described to me one of the new York man:
"I 44g. and I haven't cried since he was 11. In my life there were several events that would cause tears, but alas. My only wish is to find healing in tears before I would die and I would be grateful for any advice."
I guess inability to cry is very common among men in modern society. I sincerely would advise them to start to claim back their emotions again and to get in touch with your feelings.
As well as the men who wrote to me about his inability to cry, and like many other men, I stopped crying when I was about 12 years old and did not shed a single tear over the next 12 years. I don't remember why I stopped crying, do not remember that I made a conscious effort not to cry, I just stopped and everything. During my growing up happened to me a lot of very emotional events, but I never cried.
When I turned 24, I began to wonder why so many years not crying. I was wondering if this is normal, and even if it is normal for the average man, is this the average man the man I want to be. And I realized that no. I wanted to experience and Express their feelings more freely, to be in contact with your life and with yourself. I made a conscious an effort to return to experience my feelings, to allow yourself to become upset by the sad event, allow yourself to feel the sadness and pain and to cry. To achieve this, it took me a long time, but the result was worth it. Now I cry from time to time, when very upset, and quite often my eyes fill with tears when I touched.
Due to the fact that I started to show my feelings in front of others, I began to better understand myself, which is one of the potential benefits of self-disclosure and crying. When you hide your true self and your feelings from others that they loved you or justify you, the person they love and to justify, this isn't you. When we teach our children to suppress their feelings and not to cry, we are doing them great harm that deprive them of one of the most natural adaptive responses to emotional stress."
Why especially men?
Because men are more sensitive than women and would rather build around itself a protection against vulnerability. The world is too bright, too painful for them. But, ceasing to feel pain, weakness, frustration, men no longer feel the tenderness, love and desire to care. Because it is impossible to consciously choose what these feelings I will interfere, I think I'll leave.
And men cried. In folklore there is even a special genre of "men's crying song," courageous practiced by all the canons of warriors. Moreover, the purpose of these songs was not a narrative story about the virtues and heroism of their fallen comrades, and challenge emotional effect — "to touch, to excite, to inspire".
Perhaps for the future adult lives of the boys it will be useful some numbness of the senses?
In a society where physical danger is more and more gives way to social — no. Competitive advantage will be those who feel better than other people, has a great level of empathy, able to quickly recognize coming from other danger. In a society where physical labor is increasingly replaced by intelligent — are not. For example, the work on the financial markets requires intuition and attention to the signs around you in the information space. With numbed senses there is nothing to do.
So constantly tugging her boys: "stop, don't cry, you're not a pussy, men don't cry" and not letting them cry, the parents give their children a disservice.
I'm not talking about that numbing of the senses impossible affection on a deeper level – significance level, emotional and psychological proximity. And because of this suffers the process of development and the child gets "stuck".