Children leading on a road to nowhere

There is now a growing problem with childrenwho have no names. Insidious and pervasive, making the lives of parents and sometimes teachers, a difficult if not a nightmare. This is a problem of dominance – when natural attachment hierarchy upside down and children, instead of resting under the guardianship of adults, see their role as commanders, and specifies how they must be cared for.Children who took the alpha position, may be constantly show resistance to those who are trying to lead them. They are usually very angry, often rebelling and can be very disturbing. They firmly believe that they are masters in the house, and don't understand when others are trying to lead. The problem of children in a dominant position (or alpha position) is not in their power, as is often misunderstood, and desperate. For some reason, these children have lost faith in the ability of adults to ensure their existence, to care for and maintain, and their only choice is to do it ourselves.The reasons why children lose faith in them providing adults can be both obvious and not. It is easy to understand how kids whose parents ignore them, as they are busy with their problems and Hobbies, come to the conclusion that it is better to solve all their funds. If this were the only conditions under which an increase in the number of children in the alpha-position, the problem would be clear and obvious. The situation with dominance can take place in loving and caring families where the parents dedicate themselves to help children in growing up to become socially and emotionally responsible people. What is the reason for increasing the number of children in a dominant position, how are we to understand this?

To advance in this issue, we have to go back to basics and ask what a child needs most in life? Answer: the attachment, the invitation to exist in someone's life; to be accepted and loved as he is; a sense of belonging, of loyalty, of being like those to whom he is tied. In the understanding of attachment is critical that its purpose is to put the child in a position of dependence on others that is often overlooked. It means to depend on someone's care and well-being, and it is a very vulnerable position! Adults often lose sight of the mutual dependence vulnerability, and I remember this every time you get in a taxi or plane. I ask myself can I trust this person to deliver me safely to your destination and take care of me. This allows a completely new way to understand what it means “to drive from the back seat”.

When we from someone dependent, we're looking for signs that our trust and care aimed correctly. Is there in this man something that is solid to be able to rely on? We can assume that broadcast is your child, but more important is the question whether we perceive our children? One of the reasons why children find it difficult to depend on their parents, maybe their high sensitivity. They are very keenly all perceive and feel, so they find it difficult to believe that someone can take care of them. They are called “demanding” children and parents often find that caring for them is double the work. Another possible reason why children tend to take with older dominant position, rooted in a large number of dividing disciplines (e.g., the magical “count to three” and “go to your room and think”) or contact with the child on an equal footing, where we can accidentally lose your alpha position.

The biggest mistake is to accept their show of force for the manifestation of maturity or independence. It is not so: their dominance is an act of desperation. When children perform a leading role, a critical problem is that they cannot take care of their attachments and to grow normally, something has to give. Attachment is always stronger than the maturity and the instinct to survive and to take care of themselves comes to the fore at the expense of the rest of the game and further development.

The good news is that much can be done to restore our rightful place in the lives of children. Parenthood should not be a nightmare, and there is great hope to fix it if it happened.

For the dominant behavior of hiding the child, desperately eager to depend on someone and to be vulnerable in relationship with those who follow him the responsibility. Our task is to demonstrate by their behavior that we are their chance, and the answer they are looking for. Our goal is to return the alpha to release children from them.published

Author: Deborah McNamara (Deborah MacNamara)

Translation Irina Was Odnevall

 

Source: alpha-parenting.ru