Protection-in-law and mothers-in-law

"If the mother-in-law — the monster" scene from the film directed by Robert Luketic

The thing is that when I describe in-law as a she-wolf werewolves, and mothers-in-law like a serpent, I'm only partly kidding.

I describe the darker side of both, which in one form or another is the majority of people and is actively manifested in a situation when man cannot control what is for him a vitally important experiencing panic. But the more conscious a person is the mother, the less dangerous the dark side.

After all, what is our dark side? It is a defensive aggression that rises in us when we perceive a threat to something or someone that us is the most valuable. The individual qualities of a person depends on how licentious, unprincipled and greedy is a dark side to him. Than man more integrated as a person, the better he controls his aggression, the less it is destructive for him and others. If the aggression is expressed quite culturally and does not protect against paranoid threats and real, it a useful feature and even a source of power.

Why don't I suggest daughters-and sons-in-law to bend to mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law? Because the contact person should be at the level of two personalities, the always reasonable, diplomatic, takes into account mutual interests. With the mafia, that is the shadow side, it is better not to agree, would not agree. Moreover, if the power of the individual is weak, and man is controlled by his mafia, it is possible from such contracts to suffer.

We all must have seen the daughters-in-law, tortured by mother-in-laws and turned into slaves, and also seen-in-law, whose mother-in-law by the hands of the wives turned into a dumb henpecked, humiliated and despised. Treating people with compassion and understanding, it is not necessary, however, to assume that all people have a sufficient level of consciousness to behave honorably. The minds of some people behind. And although all of them have a chance to grow up in this respect and become better from the outside no way were grown, and we have to deal with what we have.

So I want to tell daughters and sons-in-law what to do if the mother of the spouse occupied with my motherly passion so that he did not see the other side of a living person, and sees only good or bad food for your overgrown baby.

With all the understanding that the mother of the husband or wife can be in charge of the basest emotions, situational or regular basis, you have to protect. There are several tools.

1. Distance

This is what I've written, but do not be lazy again. We have to live separately. Promises and entreaties to give in is impossible. Their goal is control. Yes, and care too, but not passive care, when someone agrees to give you all that you need (such custody is in your life never almost never occurs), and active when he wants to decide what you need and what is not. Therefore, it would be desirable to save up for an apartment or a car or a vacation on the ocean, we have to live separately, and if they failed, to divide the territory to the maximum, up to your own fridge etc. Without physical distance, or at least a clear separation of the territory it is impossible to speak about any independence. This includes the financial section. Distance means living independently, and not live in another apartment, but the money of the parents and almost have to beg them for help. No. Most likely, if an independent life is not possible, to marry is not worth it, worth the wait of growing up.

2. Diplomacy

Mediator between mother-in-law mother-in-law, if there is doubt of its adequacy, should be the husband, that is her child. You don't have to love someone else's mother, you must treat correctly. Correctly – this means to avoid any scandals and conflicts, not be ruled out due to the fact that she will scold you, and you to endure, in any case, and by the same distance. That is, in any unpleasant for you, the dialogue that provoke you into conflict, you should very politely say goodbye and leave. The argument not to join. Then tell his wife that this tone can not talk. Let the husband himself do with it what he wants you to talk to his mother on her terms not required. Are you ready to communicate only in conditions of mutual respect. Diplomatic. Please note, after you have already abused the mother-in-law mother-in-law in the face or eyes, her child, to play the diplomat later. It is important to act in advance, that is, at the first sign of conflict to distance themselves and declare their equitable conditions, namely, mutual courtesy and polite distance. No conditions, no communication.

3. The sequence

If you do not say anything bad of his mother-in-law and do not allow to force himself to offensive communication (move away from the conflict physically), be consistent, and you win. Hard to be impossible, we must be soft, but very consistent and confident. Then the mother-in-law or mother-in-law will give up, accept your conditions and will communicate with you correctly. Not immediately, maybe, but in a few attempts this way will learn. Also you will start to respect and believe, trust that the child you probably can.

4. Realism

If your spouse is too infantile, and is not only able to be a buffer between you and your mom, but can't do without her full control, alas you made the wrong choice, and probably hurried with a marriage. Marriage with a child is impossible, even if it is biologically ripe. Your options, either to accept, if the control and management of mother's and take into account your interest, or to separate, alas. There is always a possibility that the husband will soon grow up, but you need to weigh the chances and risks. Develops resources? Without resources a chance to grow up and separate from mother is minimal. If enough resources do you have? The more resources you have, the easier you survive and maintain themselves in all conditions, even the most severe.

5. Perfection

Yes, this is the most difficult, almost impossible, but if you succeed to implement it at least by half, i.e. to behave albeit not perfectly, but at least no obvious mistakes, lead to adequate the inadequate mother-in-law mother-in-law may (subject sequence and diplomacy). Be independent, neat at home, keep promises and behave like an adult citizen. Let you will have nothing to show after the fact. If you don't work, drink, walk, and behave as marginal or worse, the criminal element, all of these rules are not for you. It is unlikely your mother-in-law mother-in-law are inadequate. Most likely, she's absolutely right in his fear for the fate of the son-daughter. published

Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/67488.html